Far and Away
by Light Catastrophe
Summary: Kira, Sasuke and Naruto's second son, has always been a loner. When he runs away he learns just how much family really means. SasuNaru. AU. Mpreg. OC. Companion to Looking In, Always You, and Lights and Sounds.
1. Outsider

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

**B**_y_ L**i**_g_h**t** _C_a**t**_a_s**t**_r_o**p**_h_e

_Chapter_ **One: O**_u_t**s**_i_d**e**_r_

**Rating:** M

_Warnings:_ yaoi, slash, mpreg, non-con-ish situations, OC, AU, angst

Disclaimer: Actually, I own most of these characters, but those I do not own belong to the creator of Naruto.

**Babblings:** I'm having a harder time letting go of these characters than I thought. But, let's just say that if I don't get enough reviews for this chapter, I won't be very motivated and this story will be deleted before you can bat an eyelid. Because you guys _promised_ to review. So here it is: Kira's story. Don't worry, you'll still be seeing Sasuke and Naruto and Destin and Kira, just… not a whole lot. This story is a whole lot different than any of the others in the series, but then again, Kira has never much been like any of them.

**Kira's Point of View**

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_It's the world, dear. Did you expect it to be small?"_

**-Mrs. Beaver** The Chronicles of Narnia

I've never been like the rest of my family. At times, I resent being so entirely different. I don't fit it. Everyone knows it, but they're all too nice to say it and I don't see a point in stating the obvious. Everyone in my family is either small and delicate or musically talented, or both in Destin's case. I am neither. I'm not saying that I hate my family, because I don't, I never could, but I hate being the outsider. And sometimes I despise Destin, because he has such a goddamn perfect life. In four years, Destin has already begun composing full-time for the most well-known symphonies in the country. He has a wonderful husband who loves him more than anything – well, except their perfect four-year-old son who already knows how to play the violin and the piano. Not that I don't love Tal, my nephew, because I do, but it's just so frustrating having someone so little already be good at things I've wanted to be good at for seventeen years. Hell, even Aurora and Rainey can play any instrument better than I can. They both inherited my parent's perfect genes. They are both small with perfect eyes and perfect skin and perfect hair. Everything in this fucking family is perfect – except me. Sometimes, I swear I was switched at birth or something.

That's another thing. Out of all my parent's four children, I'm the only one who caused everyone so much pain at my birth. I made Daddy fall into a coma for three years. Okay, so I know it wasn't really my fault, but I can't help but blame myself. Those were three years when Dad and Destin needed Daddy. Maybe if I hadn't been born, Destin wouldn't have been raped. Then again, though, if that hadn't happened, he may not have met Kei in the way he did and they may not be living their lives together, totally and completely in love. But it all goes around in circles. And I hate playing the "what if" game. When someone invents the time machine, maybe I'll enjoy it a bit more.

I stopped growing when I was fourteen. I have no idea what happened. By then I was tall enough so I wouldn't be considered short for the rest of my life (I'm taller than both Destin and Daddy), but it's still horribly frustrating because my best friend, Wataru, is still growing and growing and growing while I stay at the same height, looking at the world in the same way. So I was stuck at this kind of awkward height, not quite tall and not quite short, with average blonde hair and average dark eyes and average clothes and average talent and… the list goes on. I'm just average. And if you know my family at all, you know that none of them are average.

Okay, well that's not entirely true. I'm hella talented at basketball. I play point guard, and in spite of all the other guys towering over me, I make more points than anyone on the team. I'm not sure if that's saying much, because I come from such a small town and all, but Wataru says I'm good enough to make it big someday. I can only hope that someday comes sooner rather than later because I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. My family knows I play basketball, but they rarely some to the games – except Katherine; she has never missed a game. I know they're busy and all, but it still hurts in a way that it shouldn't. I guess musical people just don't much care about sports.

"Man, are you okay?" Wataru punched my arm in a rather playful manner, while handing me the controller to his playstation. "You seem kinda out of it."

Sighing, I paused the game. He took this to be a bad sign, I knew, because I never pause any game unless it's vitally important. "Have you ever wanted to leave this place, this town, I mean?"

His eyebrows rose so they disappeared under his frock of bangs. "You're not thinking of running away, are you?"

"No," I replied, too quickly, lying back on his bed and shutting my eyes to the world. "Well, maybe. I dunno. I just can't take this anymore, Taru. I need to get out. There's so much more to this world than this tiny little town I've only been out of a handful of times. There's nothing for me here."

"Your family is here," he shot back, just as quickly. "I'm here and I'm your best friend."

"You're my only friend."

Wataru let a sly grin cross his face. "Nah, dude, everyone on the team is your friend. And I know a couple of good-looking girls who have got their eyes on you."

A blush crossed my cheeks and I buried my face in his pillows. I was seventeen years old and I'd never been kissed, let alone done anything else. Wataru on the other hand… well, he got around. I think the reason I've never done anything like that is because, one, I have self-esteem issues (it comes from having perfect parents and perfect siblings) and, two, I'm not quite sure "which way I swing" if you get my gist. I'm kind of being pulled every way. Everyone in my family "bats for their own team" and Wataru was just the opposite, so to say I was confused about my feelings was the understatement of the year – or maybe of the millennium. But I think I'd know when I met the right person and it wouldn't matter if they were a boy or a girl. Somehow, though, I knew I wouldn't be as lucky as my parents or Destin. For them, their first partner was their only one. It was going to be harder for me.

"No, Taru, I'm leaving."

He looked at me, completely baffled. "You have nowhere to go."

"Come with me," I persisted. "We'll go to the city. We'll be okay. I know you hate this place as much as I do."

"Kir, I can't leave my mom. I'm all she's got."

"Well, you're all I got." An awkward silence enveloped us after I said this. In many ways what I said wasn't true, but it many other ways it was very, very true. Wataru was the only person I told absolutely everything. I knew that even if he didn't come with me, he wouldn't tell anyone where I'd gone, even if he thought it was for my own good. And that's why he was by best buddy.

After several long moments, he sighed and pulled me into a friendly hug. "Fine," he relented. "But just because I don't want you hurting yourself without me there to protect you."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Kira, you're fidgety." Sure, leave it to Katherine to point it out to the rest of my oblivious family.

I shook my head in a casual manner, trying to stop the shaking in my legs. "Wataru and I are just going out with some friends after dinner. I guess I'm just excited."

The answer didn't satisfy her, but it satisfied everyone else, and I found myself thankful that Destin wasn't here. That was our cover story: that we were going out with friends. It would give us probably the whole night until someone figured out that we were missing and by that time, we'd already be long gone. My backpack already sat up in my room with a large sum of money I'd withdrawn from my back account earlier that day. Dad had set it aside years ago – for college or something. I don't really know.

I made sure to do the dishes before I left as sort of a last hurrah. The entire time I tried not to feel guilty about what I was doing, but I couldn't stop the pang in my heart. I told myself that I'd come back some day – and I totally planned to – but it didn't make me feel any better.

As I went to go out the door, Daddy stopped me, hugging me around the waist. "Have a good time, Kira. I love you."

It was everything I could do at the moment to keep from crying; to keep from running back inside to everything that I knew. But I had to do this. The world outside was calling to me and I couldn't resist it. So I gave him one last tight hug and then ran back into the house giving Dad and Katherine and Aurora and Rainey all hugs before I ran out the door, not knowing when, if ever, I would step back into that comfortable house I called home.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** So, well, yeah. As I said, this story is a bit different than the others. Oh, and just as a warning, Kira will have multiple partners before he find the "right one". I also apologize if Kira sounded a bit bitter in this chapter. I wanted him to sound that way. I mean, he IS a teenager.

Please review. I know you want to.


	2. Away From Home

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Two: A**_w_a**y** _F_r**o**_m_ H**o**_m_e

**Babblings:** Thanks guys so much for all your positive feedback. The more you review, the sooner I update. Much appreciated. I'm glad you all like Kira so much. I just feel like I haven't paid him enough attention in the last two stories of this series. He's finally getting his chance.

Oh, and what I meant by "multiple partners" is that the first (or second or third) person Kira sleeps with won't be the one he falls in love with. You'll see what I mean. I don't want to give too much of the story away.

Someone told me this series is the only good mpreg they ever read. That makes me to unbelievably happy! Just for that, you all get bunches and bunches of free cyber cookies!

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I met Wataru at the bus stop on the edge of town. We didn't really have a plan, but I figured we'd either catch a bus or hitch a ride – whichever came first. The nippy fall air circled around me, rustling the leaves and making me wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.

"Hey, Kir," he greeted, enveloping one arm around my shoulders, although he was tall enough that I was basically an armrest to him. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

For a moment, I closed my eyes, thinking: _Do I really want leave everything I've ever known? _And the answer was a rather reluctant yes. I just couldn't dwell in this town any longer. I needed to get out, away from my flawless family. So I nodded. "Yeah, Taru, I do, but you don't have to come with me. I can do this on my own."

A smile graced his features, accentuating his hazel eyes. "You can't get rid of me." Thankful, I leaned against him as we waited.

It was a few minutes before any car passed us on the highway and they blew by without so much as slowing down. Sighing, I lowered my head and started walking, deciding that it was better than just sitting there while the sun got closer to rising. Wataru trailed after me. In many ways, it was a beautiful night. The moon was almost full. The sky only contained a few wisps of clouds. Wataru's silhouette in the moonlight was intriguing, the way it outlined his slender body and toned muscles. I wondered how I looked. Several minutes later, another vehicle came into view, this time a small pickup. It slowed down and I waved my hands wildly, figuring he wouldn't be able to see a thumbs-up sign in the near-darkness. To my eternal gratefulness, he stopped. The man driving was maybe in his mid- to late-twenties and he donned a cigarette in his mouth. I took this to be a good sign, because he was probably less likely to tell us to run home to mommy. "Where you guys headed?" he asked.

"Same place you are."

He grinned. "Hop in then."

We learned in just a couple minutes that his name was Dai and that he was headed into Konoha City to visit his sister and mother. It wasn't exactly the place I wanted to end up, because of my family's history there, but we could hitch another ride out of the city if need be.

Dai drove through the night. I dozed off against Wataru several times, but I never fell into a deep sleep. I had too much to think about. We had no plan, but we did have enough money to get us through for quite awhile until we could get jobs. Still, I was scared. I was afraid for what might happen to us on the streets, if we ended up there. I knew, vaguely, what had happened to Daddy. But this was my chance – my chance to prove that I could be someone without my family.

Sometime in the early morning, I could just see the highline of the city peaking over the horizon. I'd seen the city only a handful of times in my lifetime and it still caught my breath that so many people could be living in the same place. I prodded Wataru awake. "We're almost there." He opened his eyes, groggily, and then closed them again, drifting back off to sleep. I laughed and poked him again. Wataru had always been a deep sleeper. "Come, on sleepy-head."

Dai chuckled. "You guys must be really good friends."

"Yeah," I said. "We've been best friends for nearly ten years now."

"I used to have a friend like that," he said, his voice lowering as he got caught up in reminiscing.

He said nothing for awhile and I let him think while I finished waking Wataru up by pouncing on him. "Hey, Taru! Wake up! I'll leave you behind!"

That woke him up. We both knew I couldn't leave him, but he didn't tell me so. Instead, he grabbed me, roughly, and gave me a noogie. "That's what you get, stupid."

"Whatever," I said, crossing my arms and feigning a pout.

"Take my advice," said Dai, speaking up again, his eyes lighting up at the sight of us playing with each other like brothers. "Don't let each other go. You'll regret it for the rest of your lives."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Dai dropped us off in the nicer part of downtown. He said it was the best place to start – start what, I have not an idea. I'd never been in this part of the city. Destin's old school had been on the outskirts of town and he and Kei and Tal now lived in a nice suburb some many miles away from here, from what I remember from the few times I've visited them since they moved. I was thankful for that. If Wataru and I decided to stay here, there was less of a chance we'd run into them. It's a good thing it was still fairly early in the day so we'd be able to figure out what we were going to do. Or we'd just take things as they came to us.

We ended up just walking around, beneath the leviathan-like buildings. I thought of the people sitting in those buildings, in their cubicles, doing their monotonous, boring jobs and I really hoped I wouldn't end up like any of them. I did't think I'd have to fear that, though. All those people were _educated_. Educated idiots. You'd have to be really stupid to want to sit behind a desk for the rest of your life until you became too old and you retired and were left to sit and wonder where your life had gone and why it passed by all too quickly.

After a few blocks, we came to a park, and, to my joy, I saw a handful of boys playing basketball. Wataru and I shared a look before wandering up to the boys and watching from the sidelines. They were good, we could tell that much, but I could easily point out their errors – except for one. He was a tall boy, perhaps taller than Wataru, with long, black hair tied back in a ponytail. He possessed several piercings, including one on his lip, about four on each ear, and one on his nose, and maybe more in places I'm not sure I want to think about. And in spite of the tight pants he wore, he was extremely good at basketball. Every move he made was graceful and original. The boys on the other team never knew what he was going to do next. It was as though he was dancing to the beat of a completely different drum and I found myself wanting to know his rhythm, wanting to be dancing the same dance as him.

I nudged Wataru and we shared a grin. I stood up from our place on the sidelines and called out, "Mind if we join you guys?" Even though I'm horribly self-conscious, I've always been good at hiding it. So yelling at them wasn't that big of a deal.

The guy I'd been watching stopped and eyed me, as though trying to see if I was a worthy opponent. Then he made a sound that seemed like a sarcastic chuckle. "You look like a midget, kid. Go home and play with mommy. But we might consider giving your friend there a chance." That panged my heart, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of showing him that.

Wataru marched up to the guy, tilting his head back just slightly so he could look him in the eyes. "My friend is most likely better than you. Just give us a chance to play and we'll show you. You won't be disappointed."

"Fine," the guy said, yawning and rolling his eyes. "Let's get this show started. You two'll be on the other team. Just kick two of _them_," he motioned to his obvious followers around him, "off."

We didn't have to, though. Two guys willingly stepped off to the sidelines, eager, I guess, to see the show. I gulped. For some reason, I knew this game was important. It would earn us our place in this city. If we fuck up now… I shivered, not wanting my thoughts to go there.

I took my sweatshirt off and found my place behind Wataru, eyeing other guys on the team, ready to catch the jump ball I knew Wataru would pass me. Wataru and the head-honcho stood in the center of the court, glaring each other down. As soon as the ball was thrown, Wataru and the guy fumbled over the ball until finally the ball was tipped. I caught it and, before anyone had the chance to stop me, I zipped to the opposite end of the court and easily made a lay-up. I felt a smirk come to my face at the look the other guys were giving me. I passed the leader the basketball. "Your turn." He sneered at me and I knew none of my other baskets would come as easily.

We played for a long time. By the time we stopped, the sun was already headed back down the other side of the sky. I can't remember the last time I've been that deeply in the zone of a game. The leader was extremely good, but so I. Plus, Wataru and I had been playing together for a long time. We were perfectly in tune with each other. Every time the guy did something new, we found a way to counter it the next time – and he did the same with us. When we finally ended, all I wanted to do was take a shower and crawl into bed, and I only hoped we'd be able to find a cheap hotel in which to spend a couple of nights.

The main guy surprised me by walking up to me after the game and holding out his hand. "Sorry I underestimated you," he said, although he had his very annoying smirk on his face. "You're honestly one of the best players I've ever seen. My name's Loki by the way."

I clutched his sweaty hand in my equally sweaty one and a sort of understanding came over us. "Loki?" I asked. "As in the trickster god, Loki?"

He nodded. "My mother thought it would be funny. But she's always been a bit… out there."

We shared a laugh before I introduced myself. "I'm Kira and he's Wataru," I said, pointing to Wataru, who'd once again taken his place at my side. "Do you by any chance know a cheap place to stay around here?"

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you guys must be new in town. If you want, me and my mom share a fairly large house. I'm she'd be thrilled to have a couple of newbies stay for a few days until you can find some place else."

Again, he surprised me and I could tell by the looks on the other guys' faces that he had surprised them to. Apparently, it wasn't every day he invited someone over. "That'd be fine by me," said Wataru, extending his hand to Loki. I nodded, mutely, my agreement.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Loki ended up living only a few blocks away. I found myself walking along in silence as he and Wataru talked like old chums. When Wataru asked him how old he was, he replied that he was twenty and the only reason he was still living with his mother was because he didn't want her to go completely crazy. Then he asked how old we were and Wataru said that we were seventeen before I could tell him not to say anything. Loki just smirked again and said nothing. I expected him to make fun of us or something; accuse us of running away from home, but he didn't. Apparently he did have some self-control. There was something about him I trusted and I have no clue why. As far as I knew he could be leading us to his house so he could kill us in his basement. But, somehow, I knew he wouldn't. Maybe I'm too trusting, but until now I've never had a reason not to trust anyone.

"Mom, I'm home," he called out as he opened the (unlocked) front door. It was, as he said, a large house, not as large as mine back home, but probably too big for a mother and her son. It was nice, too, and cleanly kept, which was odd since he said that his mother was crazy. Perhaps he was the one who cleaned the house.

But when I met his mom I figured out that she wasn't crazy at all, just a bit (or a lot) eccentric. She was in the kitchen and something she had in the oven smelled absolutely heaven-sent. For a woman who had a twenty-year-old son, she still seemed rather young. Maybe she just aged well. Her hair was up in a messy bun and flowers poked out at many different odd angles. Her skirt looked to be hand-made and her shirt hand-tie-dyed. Overall, she looked like a person I would want to get to know. Everything about her was intriguing, especially the way that when she moved it looked like she was walking on air.

"Oh, Loki!" she said, a bit exasperatedly. "You shouldn't bring people home without telling me first."

Loki just rolled his eyes. "You look fine. What are you cooking anyways?"

"You don't even introduce your friends before you start asking about food? I've failed at raising you," she said with a smirk on her face identical to her son's.

I smiled, inwardly, at their relationship. It was more like they were siblings than mother and son. I guess I just kind of wished it could be like that between me and my parents. They've both always been closer to Destin than they have been to me, even after he moved out. He was their perfect son and I'm just their average son. I guess we've never really had anything in common.

"The shorter one's Kira and the other one's Wataru," Loki said, stuffing a couple Oreos into his mouth. "Guys, this is my mom, Estelle. Mom, they're gonna stay here for a bit. They're new in town and I just couldn't leave them on the streets."

Estelle playfully slapped his hand away from the cookies. "Well, at least I haven't completely failed." Then she turned to us and instead of shaking our hands or some other formal greeting, she gave us both big hugs and said, "You are both welcome to stay here as long as you'd like."

"We can pay you or–" I started to say before she interrupted me by placing a hand on my lips.

"Oh, pish-posh. Don't say anything more about it."

Then she grinned and I grinned right back. I really was beginning to like her.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

That night, Wataru and I shared the spare bedroom. We lay on opposite sides of the bed, too close together to be brothers and too far away from each other to be lovers. That's how I always felt around him, like we were the exact right distance from each other. I was so happy he'd decide to come with me.

"I didn't think we'd be so lucky," he said in the darkness.

"Yeah," I agreed. "If we hadn't stopped at that park we'd either be on the streets or in some trashy hotel on sheets that may or may not been washed since the last people did god-knows-what on them."

Wataru chuckled, quietly. I've always liked his laugh. It's nice to listen to. "Oh, Kir, I love you, man."

"I know. I love you, too," I replied, without even thinking. Because I _did_ love him – like a brother loves a brother. He was everything I had and though part of me wanted to love him more than that I knew he would never be the one for me, just like I would never be the one for him. But I never wanted our friendship to end. I wanted to be with him until the day I died. But I needed someone else, too. I hoped that I'd find that someone here, somewhere in this huge city. "Night, Taru. We'll figure out what we're gonna do tomorrow, okay?"

He yawned and rolled over so his back was facing me. "Yeah. Night."

For some reason when I finally fell asleep that first whole night away from home I found myself utterly content with the world.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Just so you know, just because they're okay now, doesn't mean they won't run into a little, or a lot, of angst in awhile, because they will. I'm telling you so you won't get too content with happiness.

Please review. I want as many reviews for this chapter as the last one. Those reviews are what made me get this out so fast. Keep them coming! I love you guys!

P.S. Don't you just love Loki? He just makes me want to huggle him.


	3. Day and Night

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Three: N**_i_g**h**_t_ a**n**_d_ D**a**_y_

**Babblings: **Oh, geez, I love you all. Thank you for your lovely reviews and please keep them coming. I'm beginning to think that people like Destin a whole lot more than they like Kira. I just hope this story changes your views on that. I love them both equally, as if they were my own children – which, I suppose, they kind of are. The children of my imagination, at least.

_To Peyton-Saki:_ The reason I couldn't remember your name was because I don't actually have wireless internet in my house, so I write my chapters on my laptop and then when I post them I'm leeching internet from some random place. Then I check my computer at my house to read the reviews and such. It's rather complicated, but anyways, the reason I remembered you this time is because I saw your review and wrote your username on my hand – in Sharpie. You should feel special. So if you don't get anything else out of this long explanation, just know that I'm ecstatic you like my stories so much.

**BEWARE** the awkward virginity talk and a **heterosexual** sex scene with a minor and an adult (as much as I hate writing about it), but it's not described in detail.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

After a long day of wearying and unfruitful job searching, Wataru and I headed back to Loki's house. As soon as we walked in the door, I was shocked to see what looked like a makeshift photography studio. Now, I may not be a genius like my brother, but I'm definitely not stupid either, so I gathered a general idea of what was going on just by assessing the situation. Sure enough, a moment later, Loki appeared from the kitchen with a stocky guy who I think I recognized from the basketball game the day before.

"Oh hey, guys," greeted Loki. "I'm glad you're back. I'm taking you out partying tonight, but you guys need fake IDs and you seem too innocent to already have them."

"But–!" I started to protest, but Loki pressed a finger to my lips, a smirk crossing his face.

"Tonight, my friend," he proclaimed, "you are going to lose your virginity."

"Wataru!" I yelled at him, my face flushing a bright red. That was none of their business, especially not Loki's. Actually, I'm not quite sure why it embarrassed me so much. I mean, guys talk about sex all the time, right? But then again, how many perfectly _average_ seventeen-year-old boys still have their virginities?

My friend just rolled his eyes and shrugged. "It just kinda slipped out while you were in the bathroom this morning, Kir. It's not like it's that big of a deal."

"But what if I don't want to lose my virginity to some random slut?" I blurted out.

The smirk on Loki's face spread and he leaned so close I could feel his breath on my skin, making me tingle from the inside out. "Or we could solve this problem rather quickly and I could take you right now and you'll be screaming out my name because I'm just that damn good."

My blood boiled, but before I could come up with some retort, Loki's friend coughed and said, "Loki, keep it in your pants" and I felt Wataru's strong hand fall on my shoulder. I flushed even more as I realized this complete stranger had just listened to our entire conversation.

Tilting my head back to look at Wataru I saw a sort of rage in his eyes I've never seen before in all the ten years that I've known him. "Don't touch Kira," he hissed. So now I was confused. He was okay with me losing it to some completely random person, but not to Loki? Not that I wanted to do it with Loki. He was definitely the dominating type and I wasn't going to bottom with the threat of that certain gene in my family. The last thing I wanted to happen was for me to end up pregnant. Sure, there was a chance I didn't have the trait, but I wasn't willing to risk it. No matter how sexy the guy was… where the hell did that come from?

"Let's just end this conversation," I said, hoping to keep Wataru from clawing Loki's eyes out – or worse.

Loki's friend, Soru his name turned out to be, made up our fake IDs and then gypped Wataru and I out of fifty dollars each. "That's cheap," Loki explained, shrugging his shoulders innocently. "Plus," he grinned, slyly, "drinks are on me tonight."

I didn't take it upon myself to tell Loki that I'd never drank before in the entirety of my life. He'd probably already guessed anyway. Cocky bastard.

After Loki found us clothes which were "more suitable for the occasion", we walked about a mile to a bar which we heard a long time before we saw it. Apparently, for most people on this end of town, it was the "in" thing to go to bars on Friday nights. I mean, I don't know much about clubs (we only had one lazy bar in my hometown), but there were sure a lot of people there for a little hole-in-the-wall club. The man at the door (a bouncer, I think they're called) eyed me suspiciously, not even checking Wataru and Loki's IDs, and demanded I show identification. I guess I do have one thing in common with my family: looking young. Hell, Daddy's almost forty and he still looks like he could be twenty. But Soru had done a good job and the man begrudgingly let me through. The place was hopping on the inside and it was a lot bigger than the outside let on. It seemed to stretch back forever.

Loki immediately led us over to the bar, weaving in between drunken dancers. He sat down on one of the stools and winked at one of the large-breasted women behind the counter. "Hey, Hime," he called. She rolled her eyes, but came over and kissed him on the lips. They'd obviously done this before, though I suspected that there was nothing serious between them. _Most_ "relationships" that take place in bars are serious. For all I knew these women were crawling with STDs.

Then, as I turned away from the spectacle Loki was making, I almost swiveled face-to-face with a handsome man who was only a few inches taller than me and several years older. He had bright blue hair to match his eyes. A smile spread across his features. "You're new around here," he said. He was close enough to me that he didn't have to yell over the music. My heart did a little flutter in my chest and I nodded nervously to which he just chuckled and asked, "What can I get for you?"

I shrugged. "What's your favorite?"

"I don't know if you'll like it or not," he replied, but started mixing something together anyways.

Wataru sat down next to me, eyeing a beautiful girl out on the dance floor. It wasn't hard to pick her out. She had short, bobbed, blonde hair, an excellent body, and she could dance better than anyone I'd ever seen before. It seemed like she had no dancing partner. I jabbed Wataru in the side. "Go get her, man," I said. "You've never had trouble talking with girls before."

"Yeah, but I've never seen a girl as beautiful as her," he said, but a smirk rose to his face and I didn't even have to prod him a second time to get him to go out there to her.

The bartender placed a large glass of _something_ in front of my nose. I took in my hands and swirled it around a bit before taking a tentative sip… and nearly spitting it back out again at the burning trail it left on its path down my throat. I coughed a bit and the man smiled again. Unlike Loki, this man's smile was genuine, even if it was a bit teasing. I felt butterflies rise from my stomach and into my throat. In an attempt to calm them, I took another drink. It went down easier the second time.

"It's good, huh?" said the man and held out his hand. "I'm Jake. Well, that's not my real name, but that's what everyone calls me."

I took his hand and couldn't help but notice that he had very large hands. "Kira," I replied.

"Nice to meet you, Kira," he said, smiling again. "I hope to see you around here often. It's a rare occasion to meet someone as beautiful as you." Blinking my eyes, my brain went into overdrive. Was he flirting with me? And if he was, was that a good thing or a bad thing.

"Well, I have never met such a charming liar," I teased back, unfazed.

He didn't say anything, but leaned on the counter, eyeing me as though he knew something I didn't. Then, I felt someone brush up against me before sitting on the stool Wataru had occupied just moments before. Speaking of Wataru… he looked a though he was about to have sex right there on the dance floor. Maybe he was. I turned my attention back to the lady beside me. She was lovely with long, dark hair trailing down her back and bright blue eyes framed by long eyelashes. She wore a tank top that showed off her toned midriff and a short skirt. She winked and I realized I'd been staring. I'd just been meeting so many beautiful people lately that couldn't contain myself. "Hey," she said. "I'm Nina. Jake here says your name's Kira. You wanna dance?"

My eyes widened and I looked to Jake for help, but he just shrugged and turned to help another customer. Nina chuckled and took my hand, leading me off to the dance floor. "No," I protested, over the roar of the crowd. "I've never danced before!"

"Don't worry," she said, pressing her body against mine. "I'm a good teacher."

And she was. I felt my adrenaline rush through my body as we moved to the music, with the crowd, all our bodies too close. But it felt so good. When a slow song came on, she wrapped her arms around my neck, her head coming to rest on my shoulder. In spite of myself, I became turned on. I mean, hell, I've never so much as kissed anyone before. Then, just as I had that thought, she tilted her head back and kissed me right directly on the lips. She knew what she was doing, making me aware of my own ineptness, although it didn't seem to faze her at all. After a few moments, I relaxed and she let me take control.

"Let's go," she whispered into my ear.

"Where?" I asked innocently.

"My apartment's just upstairs."

Oh. Right. I really wanted to say no. Even though I really wanted to go do erotic things in her bedroom, I knew that had more to do with the fact that she was hot and I was turned on more than the fact that I liked her. _Come on_, I told myself. _Guys do it all the time and don't even think twice about it. _But, because of my family, I have this picture in my mind that the first person I sleep with should be the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. That's how it was with Daddy and Destin. Then I remembered that the whole reason I'd run away was because I didn't want to be like them. I needed to be my own person. "I like that idea."

I followed her clumsily through the crowd. At one point I saw Loki and motioned to Nina. He smiled and knew exactly what was going on. He'd tell Wataru. If Wataru hadn't already left. When we arrived at the third floor I was surprised at how distant the party seemed, only a faint beating under our feet. This place must be sound-proofed well. As she reached inside her shirt and pulled out her key, inserting it in the door, I felt my heart rate speed up so much that I thought maybe I was dying. I was going to make a fool out of myself and I knew it. Probably, she knew it, too. Maybe she was just really nice. Maybe Loki and Wataru had put her up to this. Or maybe she was just a slut. Not that any of this mattered, really. Either way, I was going to lose my virginity this night – and I really hoped I wouldn't regret it.

The apartment was sparsely furnished, but I didn't have much time to look around before she disappeared into another room and I followed her. She moved languidly about the bedroom, taking off her clothes slowly, one article at a time. I'd never seen a woman's body naked before (well, except that one time Wataru's mom didn't know I was in the house…), but this girl was… perfect. Like what I'd imagined models to look like.

She smiled angelically, which is ironic figuring what we were about to do. "Like what you see?" she asked. I blushed and nodded. "I'm sure you're not so bad yourself," she said, stepping up to me and unzipping my jeans, her hand coming _so close_ to touching me right where I needed it most. Quickly and not-so-gracefully, I stripped off my clothes, leaving my imperfect body entirely exposed to her. She traced a finger across my too-scrawny chest and then we were kissing again. She led me to her bed and I straddled her, eyeing her ample breasts and then oh-so-tentatively took one in my hand.

Nina let me touch her in any way I wanted. She must have known I'd never done this before, but she didn't say anything, just gasped and moaned when she was expected to. After some time, she whispered, seductively, "Now," and motioned to the table beside her head and the box there. Awkwardly, I took a condom from the box and unwrapped it, praying I wouldn't make a fool of myself. She smirked and took it from me, slipping it over my raging erection.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I confessed.

"I know. I can spot a virgin a mile away." She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. "And usually I don't go for virgins, but I like you, kid."

The way she said that made me realize that she was probably a lot older than me even if she didn't look like it. Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "How old are you?"

For a moment, I thought she was going to be mad at me, but instead she burst out laughing. "I'll tell you if you tell me how old you are. I can tell you're underage."

I gulped. "Eighteen?" I said as more of a question than a statement.

"Bull shit."

"Seventeen," I sighed. "But I'm almost eighteen."

"I'm twenty-three," she said before reaching and grabbing my erection. "Now fuck me before I jump you." I don't know what it was about her, but I liked her a lot. I knew that she wouldn't be the one for me and that we'd mostly likely never see each other again, but I figured if I was going to lose my virginity to a girl who's six years older than me, I'm glad it's her. So, without further persuading on her part, I positioned myself and plunged inside of her.

At first, I was clumsy, but after a few very awkward minutes, I got the hang of it. It was a weird feeling, being inside someone else and, though I enjoyed it immensely, there was something a little off inside of me. My heart wasn't in it and I guess part of me wanted to be in her position, being the one pounded into. But that wasn't a possibility. There was too much at risk for me. Maybe I would get to one day…

We both came and I pulled out of her. For some time, there was silence, although it wasn't completely awkward silence. Finally, she said, "You're way better than some guys I've had sex with who have been doing it for years." I blushed and felt like such a girl for doing so. "You're new around here, right? I work at the club downstairs. I could get you a job there."

"But I'm underage."

"Oh, trust me when I say that my boss doesn't care so long as you have a fake ID. Besides, we're a little short on workers." Lying there in the near-darkness, I thought it over. I definitely liked the idea. I'd be able to meet new people and maybe get closer to Jake… I almost shivered at the thought of him. "And I think Jake took a liking to you," she added as though she was reading his mind. "Trust me when I say it takes a lot to get on his good side. I've known him for years. Used to have a crush on him, too, 'til I figured out he bats for the other team."

"If you can get me the job, I'd like it."

We talked for hours into the night and I found I was right to like Nina. She was a neat person. I dozed off for awhile before she aroused me and said, "We're gonna go out shopping, kid. You got any money?"

"Plenty," I said, groggily. "Where are we going?"

"We are going to get you some proper clothes for your interview and a bit of a makeover and a cell phone. I already talked with my boss. He said he'd meet with you at four, which means we have exactly seven hours. Oh, I even convinced Jake to come with us. He lives right next door and he needed to get out."

Sighing, I pulled on the clothes I'd worn the night before, grabbed my wallet and followed Nina out the door. Jake was waiting for us on the street, leaning against the building, elegantly sporting a cigarette. "Morning, sleepy head," he greeted, almost cheerfully.

"Morning," I replied, stretching my arms up in the morning sun, stretching my sore muscles.

We took a bus into the nice part of downtown (where Wataru and I originally arrived) and went to the mall there. It made me sort of nervous to be in such a popular place like this, because it was more likely that I'd run into Destin or Kei, or Iruka and Kakashi or Sakura and Ino for that matter, but Nina was determined. I got the feeling that most women are like that. I don't really know though, the only woman I've ever really spent time with is Katherine and she's _old_. Nina walked right to a salon. I attempted to slow and turn the other direction, but Jake grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me into the little shop, shoving me playfully into one of the twirl-y chairs. Then he and Nina took a hairdresser to the side and started whispering.

"Hey!" I protested. "Don't I get any say?"

Nina smirked. "No." Then she marched up to me and put a piece of tape over my eyes. "And no peaking." That tape was going to hurt like a bitch when I had to take it off.

The entire procedure took at least a couple of hours and it was horribly frustrating not to be able to see what they were doing to me. It was my hair. I had the right to tell them yes or no. But for some reason, I trusted Nina and Jake in spite of the fact that I could easily just be their entertainment.

Finally, the tape was slowly peeled off my eyes. I had to blink at myself in the mirror just to make sure it was really me. My blonde hair had been dyed a midnight black color with dark blue streaks here and there. My bangs hung across my forehead and my already-straight hair had been straightened even more. Surprisingly, though, I liked it. A lot. I'd never done anything to my hair except cut it on rare occasions.

"Well?" asked Nina.

"I love it."

Jake smiled, "I knew you would," and I grinned back at him.

After Nina paid (she said she would pay for it since it was against my will), we went to a small store that had clothes such as what Jake or Nina would wear, the kind of punk look. Nina handed me piles upon piles of clothes and, with my new hair, I was amazed that I actually liked how I looked. When I left the store, I don't even think my on parents would have recognized me unless I got close enough.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The boss was still a rather young man, maybe in his early thirties, and I liked him from the moment I laid eyes on him. He was laid back about everything. He said that if Nina and Jake liked me then he'd like me, too. He was probably very stupid, but he was nice. I was hired and scheduled to work the next day at six p.m.

I walked home, to Loki's house, by myself. When I got there, though, Wataru nearly pounced on me. "Kir, what the hell did you do to yourself and where the fuck have you been?"

I sighed, placing my bags form my afternoon of shopping on the floor beside me. "I've been with the girl I slept with last night and this guy named Jake. I got a job at the club, so they decided I needed to look the part, or something," I shrugged.

Wataru rolled his eyes and ran his hands through my hair. "You got laid?" he asked. "How was it?"

"Empty," I replied, truthfully.

Now it was his turn to sigh and then bring me in for a hug. I hugged him back with all my might. "Sometimes, I worry about you," he said.

"I know. I worry about me, too."

He held me there for awhile, until he suddenly remembered, "I got a job in a department store. The girl I was with last night got me a job there. It's not too far away."

'Things are turning out okay," I said.

"Yeah, but I just really wished you hadn't dyed your beautiful blonde hair." We shared a laugh.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Sorry it took me so long to update this. I just had such a hard time writing the scene between Kira and Nina. I hope the length of this chapter makes up for the wair.

Please review. Reviews mean the world to me.

P.S. Yes, my little Kira is an emo boy now.


	4. Mixed Feelings

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter _**Four: M**_i_x**e**_d_ F**e**_e_l**i**_n_g**s**

**Babblings: **Well, I have to say I got some mixed feelings over Kira's little transformation. Some of you loved it; others of you hated it. Never fear: he most likely won't be like that forever. Funny thing: I went back last night and reread Lights and Sounds and I started crying about a million times. You know it's sappy when I make myself cry.

Also, for those of you, like me, who hate reading about heterosexual sex, I apologize for the last chapter although it was essential for the outcome of the story. This chapter should make up for the last chapter anyways.

**WARNING:** _homosexual_ lemon (It's okay to be happy about it!)

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I walked into the club the next night it was mostly quiet, which was almost eerie figuring that during its open hours you could barely hear yourself think. I wandered back to the office I'd been in the day before for my interview. When I opened the door, I noted that there were about fifteen people standing, inside including Nina and Jake. The boss, who insisted I just call him "Boss", motioned for me to come in. Awkwardly, I stepped in amongst the people. Jake smiled at me and I had to lower my eyes so he wouldn't see the blush coming to my face.

"You're just on time, Kira," said Boss. "We're having an employee meeting. Everyone, this is Kira. Be nice to him."

Then I felt someone hank my arm and pull me up to their side. It was Jake. He placed an arm around my shoulders and said, "Already done, Boss."

The soft sound of chuckling spread across the room and immediately I felt more at ease. "Very well then, Jake," said the Boss. "Would you like Kira to work with you tonight?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Aw, but I wanted him," whined Nina, playfully, stepping beside me and wrapping an arm around my waist. It was odd, but it all my life I've never felt this wanted – by anyone. My parents barely ever let me know I was loved. Except, the night Wataru and I ran away… I shook my head. I wondered if anyone was even looking for us. Did they even notice I was gone?

When the meeting was over, I gingerly followed Jake from the room. He was going to spend some time before the rush of people began showing me how to make drinks. Before I got too far, though, I heard someone call out my name. Jake shrugged and walked away. "Kira!" they called again and I turned to find myself face to face with a boy who appeared to be about my age and about my same height. He had shaggy dark hair and dark eyes. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said back, unsure of how to proceed with this situation.

"I'm Eichi." He held out his hand and I took it in my own, reveling at the reveling of his soft skin. "I run the music here," he explained. "I'm underage, too."

I gaped at him for a moment. "How did you know?"

"Well, word spreads around here pretty fast. We're all like family. Plus, my dad's the boss."

"Oh," I said.

"Yeah. I just thought I'd introduce myself and…" His voice trailed off and he looked off in the direction in which Jake had disappeared, a flush rising to his cheeks. "I guess I'm just kind of jealous of you. I've been trying forever to get Jake to even look my way." Then he just smiled and put his hand on my arm. "I'm glad he ended up noticing someone nice like you."

Before I could say anything else, he turned his back to me and wandered away. I felt kind of bad, just waltzing in here and stealing Jake's attention, but I couldn't help but feel a little flattered, too. I didn't understand why Jake had taken a liking to me. That boy, Eichi, was a lot better looking than me. Nina had said something that night when I slept with her, too, about Jake not liking too many people.

Sighing, I walked to the bar where Jake stood, waiting for me.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I walked home that night, it was close to three in the morning and my head buzzed from alcohol and the onslaught of a headache. I should have been scared walking all that way in the dark. This wasn't known for being the most crime-free part of town, but I was too tired to care.

The lights were still on in Loki's house when I arrived. Absently, I climbed the steps and pushed my way inside, amazed to see that everyone was up and playing what appeared to be a board game. Their heads all turned in my direction at the sound of the door closing. Yawning, I collapsed in the empty chair at the table.

"It's three in the morning, guys," I pointed out.

"We know," piped up Estelle, way too happily. "But Wataru was waiting up for you and I decided to keep him company."

"What about Loki then?" I asked, eyeing the man in front of me.

He grinned. "Oh, love, you know I can't get any sleep without knowing you're safe at home."

Wataru visibly tensed beside me. This was still such a mystery to me: he was okay with me sleeping with any old tramp, but when it came to Loki he hated it when the man even so much as implied anything sexual. "Come on," he said, taking my hand and pulling me up. "We're going to bed." I looked back to Loki and Estelle, my eyes wide, but they just shrugged and smiled, and I disappeared into the bedroom I shared with Wataru.

We put our pajamas on in silence. When I crawled into the bed and shut off the light, I made sure to stay as far on my side of the bed as possible. After a few minutes, the mattress moved a little as Wataru squirmed and then I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist. He pressed me close against my chest. I'm not sure if he was trying to comfort me or himself, but before I could stop it, tears sprang to my eyes. I'd spent my entire life longing to be held like this. The only other time I could remember being held like this was when I was still only a toddler and Dad held me as if I could replace the lover that he'd lost.

Wataru's lean, muscular body enveloped mine as I cried. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd cried. I'd always told myself that I had to be strong, that I couldn't let people know what I was feeling inside. But here I was, crying my eyes out, clinging to the only best friend I'd ever had and wishing that maybe, maybe he could be more than just a friend.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up the next morning to the smell of something wonderful being cooked in the kitchen. Blinking my eyes open, I looked at the digital clock: 8:30. I sighed. I'd only gotten about five hours of sleep. I wanted to snuggle in closer to Wataru, but I knew I wouldn't be able to resist the smell of food.

Untangling myself from Wataru's arms, I peered back down at his sleeping form, trying to process what in the hell had happened the night before. I had cried and cried and cried until I was too exhausted to stay awake any longer – and he'd held me the entire time.

Sighing, I shook my head and made my way down the stairs. To my utter amazement, it was Loki in the kitchen, not Estelle. "Morning," I muttered, falling into a chair.

"Good morning, sunshine," he replied in a sing-song voice. The I'm-happy-no-matter-what-time-of-day-it-is virus must run in his family.

"Don't you get any sleep?" I muttered, reaching for the newspaper and flipping open to the comics.

"Nope," he smiled, flashing his teeth. "I'm a vampire, can't you tell?"

"Whatever," I said as he set a waffle in front of me. "Just don't bite me when you get thirsty for blood."

"Oh, but that's exactly what I plan on doing." With that said, I took a bite of the waffle before feeling teeth biting into the back of my neck.

"Loki!" I bellowed, loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood. "What the hell?"

"What have I told you about scaring our guests?" I jumped at the sound of Estelle's voice.

He leaned back and rolled his eyes. "Sorry, mother."

A few moments later, Wataru walked sleepily down the stairs. We shared a smile and my heart started beating just a little louder in my chest. I wondered if that just had to do with the fact that he held me as I cried last night or something more.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

After I'd changed into one of the outfits I'd purchased when I went out with Nina and Jake, my cell phone went off. I jumped, not used the sound. It took me a couple moments to realize what it was. When I opened it up, I realized it was only a text: from Jake.

_Loki tells me you're a basketball prodigy. Meet me at the park at 11, OK? _

Smiling a bit to myself, I sent back an affirmative message (after getting the hang of texting):

_Loki should learn to keep his mouth shut. See you there. _

"What was that?" asked Wataru, walking out of the bathroom.

"This guy that I work with, Jake, wants me to play basketball," I replied, eyeing Wataru's toned body and wishing mine looked more like his. "You could probably come if you want."

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "I have to be at work in an hour."

"Oh, is that why I found all those nice clothes in the closet?" I teased. "Did your girlfriend pick them out for you?"

Looking rather flustered, stepped forward and ruffled my hair. "She's not my girlfriend. I just…"

"Slept with her," I said, smirking, and trying to figure out if I felt jealous or not. "What's her name?"

"Hikari," he said, smiling and looking rather dreamy.

"Don't get so sappy. Makes me want to puke." I laughed. He stared at me for a moment before laughing along with me.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I walked to the park, it was already getting hot outside, but a cool breeze drifted through my hair, making it not quite so unpleasant. I expected there to be at least a few people there when I arrived, but there was just one solitary figure there, shooting free-throws and making nearly every one of them. Upon closer inspection, I saw that it was Jake, wearing nothing but a pair of basketball shorts and looking unquestionably sexy.

"Hey," he said, turning to me. I could see the muscles in his chest. He was shorter and a bit scrawnier than Wataru but he definitely wasn't weak.

I set my phone on the bench beside his shirt before stepping out onto the court. "What's up?"

He shrugged, tossing me the basketball which I promptly shot from the three-point line. It went into the hoop with that wonderful swooshing sound.

"Not bad," he said, smirking. Then added, "For a midget."

"I resent that," I huffed. "Loki said the same thing and he ended up getting his ass kicked."

"Well, it's a good thing Loki learned everything he knows from me."

"Whatever," I shot back. "Let's play."

And play we did. For hours we played, one on one, shooting basket after basket. There was no denying that he was good, maybe better than Loki, but I used the same tactics on him and ended up playing perhaps the best game I've ever played. We didn't talk much, all of our energy going into this game as if it were the only way to prevent the end of the world. Finally, after God-knows-how-long, he finally stopped and collapsed on the bench. Following suit, I plopped down beside him, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of his heavy breathing.

"Christ, kid," he said after a long time. "You could be a pro."

I laughed, halfheartedly. "I've worked hard to be that good, but I'll never be a pro."

"Never say never," he said as he flipped open his phone to check the time. "Do you have to work tonight?" At my nod, he said, "Come home with me. We'll get ready and just hang out for a bit."

"I-I don't have any clothes to change into," I protested, hating the way my voice stuttered like that.

"Just use some of mine. They'll be a little big, but they'll work and you can use my shower."

Sighing, I gave in. "Fine."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Jake's apartment was nicer than Nina's, but it may just have seemed that way because he kept it cleaner. "You can use the shower first if you'd like," he said. "The towels are in the cupboard under the sink."

I thanked him and went in the direction he pointed to the bathroom. As I stripped my clothes and stepped inside the shower, turning on the water and reveling in the feeling of it running over my skin, I tried to keep my mind off the fact that Jake used this shower _every day_ and I tried to stop thinking about how absolutely sexy he looked while we were playing basketball. So many conflicted feelings had been running through my brain ever since we got to the city. There was Wataru and Loki and Nina and now Jake, and I just couldn't stop thinking about what all of this meant. With Nina, I figured out that although sex with girls is not unpleasant, it's not for me. With Wataru, I was beginning to develop feelings I couldn't explain – plus, he liked girls. Loki kind of scared me, but turned me on, too. And Jake… well, I wanted nothing more than for him to take my body and pound into me again and again. I blushed at the thought, but I couldn't get the picture out of my mind. I told myself that I shouldn't be thinking things like that, because I didn't want to get pregnant. But, if we ever did get to do something like that, he'd use a condom, right?

Shaking myself from those thoughts, I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, only then realizing that I didn't have any clean clothes to change into. Groaning to myself, I wrapped one of his towels around my body in an attempt to be modest and stepped out the door. "Jake?" I called.

"I'm in my bedroom!" he yelled and I followed his voice to the back of the apartment. He stood in front of the closet, hands on his hips, apparently trying to pick something out. "Oh," he said, looking me up and down, making me blush from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair. I lowered my eyes and because of that, I didn't see him until he was right in front of me. He tilted my chin up so I could look into his eyes – and then he kissed me.

He knew what he was doing, like Nina. But it was different this time because he was the one in control and I completely melted against his ministrations. His tongue slipped inside my mouth, exploring every dark crevice. When he finally pulled back to gasp for breath, he looked down at me like he'd committed some horrible sin. "Fuck," he muttered. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"No," I said, my breathing heavy. "It's okay. I liked it."

"But you slept with Nina…"

"And I didn't like it."

He grinned. "I'll have to tell her that."

"It wasn't her," I scowled. "I just don't like…"

"Girls?" he questioned, his grin widening when I nodded an affirmative. "That's good, because I didn't know how I'd take to seeing you every day without having you as mine."

Having me as his? Did that mean he wanted to… have a relationship with me? If that's what he meant, then I decided it wouldn't be such as bad thing and it would take my mind off of other things.

"Are you asking me out?" I asked flirtatiously.

"If I am, would you say yes?"

"Maybe if I knew I knew a little more about you than your fake first name."

"Alright," he agreed, taking my hand and leading me to his bed. "My real name is Takaki Ichinomia. I got the name Jake 'cause my mom used to think I tried too hard to be American and she liked the name. I'm twenty-one. My real hair color is brunette. I have one younger sister. I've worked in the club for three years and yes, I know that Eichi has a crush on me. Anything else?"

"I think Eichi loves you," I said.

He sighed. "I know, but he's just… not the right person, you know?"

I nodded and then asked him something else. "Nina and Eichi both said it takes a lot for you to like someone, so why me?"

"Because you're cute," he replied, without hesitation, pressing his lips once more against mine in a quick kiss. "Now it's your turn."

I closed my eyes for a moment, sighing, hoping that none of what I would tell him would turn him away. "I'm seventeen years old, almost eighteen. I have one older brother and two younger twin siblings, one a boy and the other a girl. I ran away from home, because my family is too fucking perfect. And… my last name is Uchiha."

A looked of surprise passed across his face. "Uchiha…as in…?"

"Yeah, my Dad is the famous pianist and my brother, Destin, is the famous composer."

"Wow," he said. "That's a lot to live up to."

"You have no idea."

"But," he said, slowly, "I think you are fucking perfect."

I laughed. "Don't be ridiculous."

Just then his cell phone went off. Groaning in a rather frustrated manner, he flipped it open and put it up to his ear. "Oh, hey… yeah… starving… okay… I'll see you in a bit." When he hung up, he explained, "It was Nina. She saw us walk in together and wondered if we wanted anything to eat before work. I'm starving, I don't know about you."

"Yeah," I agreed. "That sounds good."

"Okay then, I'll just go take a quick shower and then we'll go. Take your pick of any of my clothes. Oh and, Kira?" he asked, grabbing some clothes and heading to the bathroom. "Will you spend the night?"

I nodded, absently. He smiled and disappeared. I told myself that this was all going too fast; that I should take it slower. But nothing in my life was moving at a slow pace any more and I wanted Jake. I wanted to feel loved even if it was just an empty kind of love.

I looked through Jake's closet for awhile before I found a pair of jeans that were baggy, but small enough to stay on my hips and a T-shirt of a band I'd never heard of before and a zip-up hoodie. Then I texted Loki's phone (Nina put it on my cell), telling him to tell Wataru I was spending the night at a friend's house, so he wouldn't wait for me to come home. I felt bad because I'd asked him to come with me to the city and now I was sort of abandoning him. He was probably off with his new non-girlfriend anyways.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Nina, as it turns out, was an excellent cook. She made some dish with a name I'd never heard of, but it was delicious. Nina said that if it wasn't for her, Jake probably would have starved by now, to which he just grunted in reply. I think she knew from the start that Jake and I would hit it off. She could probably spot homosexuals as well as she could spot virgins.

I worked with Jake again that night. I felt a little less awkward this time, because I could mix the drinks without constantly asking for his help and there was this kind of contentedness between us. We both knew what was coming later.

As soon as the club closed at two in the morning, Jake took my hand and dragged me up the stairs. Unlike the night before, I felt wide awake. By the time we got to his bedroom, half our clothes were off. He pushed me down on the bed and began nipping at my neck while sliding his hand into the pants he'd let me borrow. I moaned, arching my back off the bed, taking my hands and pulling down his pants. Somehow in the next few seconds all our clothes disappeared, flung in all directions all over the room.

Our hands explored each other's bodies. I couldn't get enough of feeling his smooth, toned muscles under my slender fingers. The entire thing was much more aggressive than it had been with Nina, but that's what I get for doing it with a guy who's much stronger than me.

He claimed my mouth in a fierce kiss, letting his hand trail down until he touched my entrance. I let out a soft hiss when he first inserted a finger into my virgin hole, but I didn't cry. I was beyond crying. Then, with professional precision, he bent back his finger and flexed it back out again, pressing against a pleasure spot inside of me, making me see stars. "It's good, huh?" he said. I could only moan in response, begging him for more.

He gave me what I wanted. By the time he deemed me stretched enough, he'd inserted three fingers inside of me, touching that spot every time. I was acutely aware when he slipped on a condom, thankful that I didn't have to ask him to do so. Then, with only a grunt as a warning, he thrust inside my entrance. I gasped in pain, clawing at his back, probably drawing blood. "It'll get better," he promised. "Relax."

And I trusted him. I relaxed the muscles in my body, still clinging onto him. He smiled against the skin on my neck, thrusting inside of me once more, this time hitting that spot.

"Oh, god!" I yelped, in surprise and pleasure. "More." He gave me more, reaching in between us to stroke my raging erection as his speed increased.

Needless to say, I didn't last long and neither did he. I came all over his stomach and I could feel him come, thankfully, inside the condom.

"Thank you," I said, when I caught my breath.

He laughed a little, taking off the condom and tossing it into the trash. "No, thank _you_. I can't remember ever having sex that good." He grabbed a towel from the floor and wiped us off before settling back onto the bed and snuggling up against me. I couldn't help but think that I was awfully lucky: the one thing I'd longed for all my life I got two nights in a row. I cuddled, gratefully, up against him and slipped off into a contented sleep.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **I apologize if Kira seems a bit… promiscuous, but he isn't, really. He's with Jake now and he's definitely not one to cheat. Ack, so anyways, I really hope you enjoyed the lemon. At least with this story you don't have to wait twelve chapters for a lemon, unlike Lights and Sounds.

So be happy I wrote you a SUPER LONG chapter and…

Leave me a review!

**POLL:** After reading this chapter, who do you most want Kira to end up with: _Wataru, Loki, _or_ Jake_? I have this whole story mostly planned out, but, depending on whom you all like the most, it could change the plot just a little.


	5. Of Dreams and Waking

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter _**Five: O**f _D_**r**e_a_**m**s _a_**n**d _W_**a**k_i_**n**g

**Babblings: **Yay!I got so much feedback on the last chapter! It still hasn't been completely decided who Kira will end up with in the end, so if you have an opinion and you haven't voiced it yet, _**tell me now**_. Yes, anyways… chapter five here we come!

_To A.B.:_ I know that I don't have to write lemons for every chapter or… whatever, and trust me, I won't. But the lemon is chapter five was necessary – if not for anything else than to show how much different Kira is than Destin – and to satiate all the perverted fan-girls reading this story. XP (I love you!)

**BEWARE of underage drinking.**

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The air smelled of sex.

And that wasn't a bad thing – definitely not – but it was an odd thing to wake up to immediately in the morning and it would take some getting used to. On the other hand, something that I was not about to complain about and something that would not take any getting used to was waking up nestled in someone else's arms, completely naked. No, I _liked_ that. In fact, now that I thought about it, I liked it _a lot_. The only downside was that I was really turned on, which I'm not sure if that's an entirely good thing first thing in the morning.

Wearily, I opened my eyes, looking over Jake's bare shoulder to the digital clock. It was noon. We'd slept half day away. And the odd thing was that I was content with that. I liked my little cocoon of warmth, so much so that I ducked my head back down and snuggled just a little bit closer into Jake's embrace. I could feel his soft, steady inhaling and exhaling on the top of my head signaling that he was still soundly asleep. I sighed, breathing in his musky, masculine scent. For a long time, I stayed that way, caught in between wakefulness and sleep. After awhile he stirred slightly and his breath hitched slightly as if just remembering he had a companion in his bed. Then he laughed, throatily, voice still tampered with sleep and he kissed my nose and greeted, "Morning, Kir."

No one except Wataru had ever called me by that nickname, not even my own family members, but I decided quickly in my head that I was okay with it.

"Hey," I replied, wondering if he was okay with me being so close to him. Maybe that's something only girls did. But he seemed okay with it, at least for the time being while we both finished waking up. I was the first to break contact, unable to keep my limbs in a cramped position any longer. I pulled back and stretched my arms above my head, wincing only slightly at the pain in my backside. Now I knew why Daddy always whined in the mornings about his ass hurting… But I wasn't going to think about them. I had much more pleasant things closer at hand.

"Your mom must be tiny," Jake said, surprising me and making me blush just the slightest bit.

"Why do you say that?" I questioned, just a little bit miffed at what he might be implying. I'd always been paranoid about my body. Although I'm definitely not feminine like Destin, I'm still not the picture of masculinity. Jake was a lot closer to that; Wataru even more so than him.

"You're so small," he chuckled, poking my stomach playfully.

I laughed. "You should see my brother."

"I have. On TV and stuff," he added at my raised eyebrow. "He looks like he's about ten."

"Yeah," I said, closing my eyes. "He's actually almost twenty-four."

"It must run in the family," he said, quietly, pulling me back against his chest, apparently aware that this conversation was making me upset. I thought about my twin siblings back at home and how, in spite of their young age, they already had a propensity of getting into trouble. They were still too little for any of us to know how they would turn out. Daddy was over forty and he still looked in his twenties and he still had a bubbling personality to match. I thought of Dad and how he could act so old and yet still so young. I thought of Kei and Tal and how quickly they'd adapted into our family. But mostly I thought of Destin. Sometimes I had these flashbacks from when I was naught but a baby and he held me the way a parent should hold their child – only neither of my parents were around…

I shook my head. "It does."

He was just starting to kiss me when my cell phone started vibrating. I cursed quietly and rolled off the bed, searching through all our discarded clothes from the night before for my jeans. When I finally found them, the vibrating had stopped, but it was only a text – from a phone number I didn't recognize. I opened the message. It was from Wataru:

_These things R pretty handy, huh? Damn Kir I think UR getting more action than I am. Loki says U met a guy. You gotta tell me all about it. Txt me. _

"Who's it from?" Jake asked, sitting up in the bed, revealing his washboard abs. I almost licked my lips before I caught myself.

"My friend, Wataru. We ran away together. Or, rather, I kinda dragged him with me and now, well, he has a girl and a job and…"

He smirked. "You have a guy and a job."

"Something like that," I said, giving him my best attempt at a sexy smile. I think it worked because before I even had time to blink he'd grabbed me by the arm and dragged me back to bed, devouring me like I was his next meal.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Two hours later, my ass more sore than it'd been when I first woke up, I met Wataru in a coffee shop he'd discovered. It was quaint, nothing more than a little hole-in-the-wall, but it buzzed with life, people flitting in and out of it constantly. He sat it the corner by the window, staring out the window at the busy city life. He wore his nice clothes, so I gathered that he was either headed to work or had just come from there. His gaze moved over to me as I sat down across from him.

"We've barely been here a week and I hardly recognize you, Kir." From the tone of his voice I couldn't discern if that was good or bad.

"You don't look too bad yourself, Mr. Businessman," I teased.

"It's just a job," he said.

"And she's just a girl." For a moment, a sad look crossed his eyes. Suddenly, I was scared. We'd always been close, but now I could almost feel a gap starting to form. I was going to close it as soon as I could. "The club's always closed on Mondays, so Jake and I are celebrating by getting together with some friends at his apartment tomorrow. You should come. You can bring her – or whoever you'd like. It's going to be fun."

Then he smiled again and everything was all right between us. "So is Jake your new boy-toy?" he asked, playfully. "Am I going to have to rip off his balls?"

"No! He's nice. You'll like him." I whipped out my phone, flailing a picture of Jake in front of Wataru's face. "See? He's totally sexy. Just the type of guy you've always wanted for me, mother."

"Except that he's gotta be at least four years older than you," he replied, a smirk on his face. "I'm not sure how your real parents would like that." That last part slipped out of his mouth before he could stop it. He lowered his eyes, sighing, and placing his hand on top of mine. "Do you think they're looking for us?" he asked, quietly.

I shook my head, thoughtfully. "I don't know, Taru. As much as I really don't want to be found…" Once again I found myself choking back tears. I never cried. I really needed to get a hold of myself. "I… want them to care enough to look for me."

"Kira," he said, cupping his large hand under my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes. "I know that your parents didn't always pay you the most attention and I know you feel unwanted because of what happened after your birth, but _your parents love you_. And Destin loves you. They never wanted you to feel this way."

Much to my embarrassment, I burst out in tears, right in the middle of the coffee shop. I put my head down on the table, trying to hide my tears. A moment later, I felt Wataru wrap his arm around my shoulder, leading me outside. "I'm sorry," I muttered, drying my eyes with the overly-long sleeve of Jake's hoodie as we walked down the sidewalk.

"What for?" he asked.

"I shouldn't have asked you to come with me."

He shook his head and grinned. "Wherever you go, I'll go, too. That's what friends are for, remember?

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

_I found myself looking over a crib at my younger self, when I was a baby. I was crying and I wanted so much to reach out and comfort the baby version of me, but I couldn't, so I looked around the room, desperate, but my parents' bedroom was empty. Suddenly, the door opened and Destin walked in, looking to be no older than maybe seven. He stood on his tip-toes, reaching inside the crib to pull out the baby. "Shh, Kira," he said, bringing the infant to his chest. _

_This was so wrong. He wasn't supposed to be the one taking care of the baby. That was the parents' job. So where were they?_

_The scene skipped. Destin stood in front of Dad just as another man whom I vaguely recognized stepped out the door. Destin held the younger version of me tightly against his chest as he screamed at my father. __"Don't you __dare__ give up on Daddy! He waited for you for five years and he never gave up on you! You're a liar! You never loved Daddy! You never loved any of us! I hate you!"_

_Then another scene passed in front of my eyes. The man I'd seen before leaving our house had Destin pushed onto the floor. He said Destin was beautiful many times. Then Destin looked up at me once with large, dead eyes before the man pulled down his pants and proceeded to rape him. And my dream self couldn't even look away._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I woke up, it was still dark out. My cheeks were wet and my body was covered with a cold sweat. I pulled away from Jake's arms, putting a pillow in my place. He looked peaceful there and I didn't want to wake him; didn't want him to see this side of me. Grabbing a discarded blanket from the floor, I wrapped it around my naked body and stepped out into the living room. I fell onto the ancient, musty couch he kept and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to keep the images at bay.

No one knew about these dreams, these flashbacks – not even Wataru. I used to have them often, but in recent years they started to fade away. This was the first one I'd had in a couple months, but it was worse, more vivid, than any of the others. Even though I'd only been barely a toddler at the time, I could still remember exactly what happened the day Destin got raped.

I'd never had those first two flashbacks before, but I knew they were real memories, all the others were. Even though I hate the What-If game, I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't been born, Daddy wouldn't have fallen into a coma, Dad wouldn't have almost cheated on Daddy, causing another man to get jealous, said jealous man wouldn't have raped Destin and he wouldn't have spent half his life trying to heal. Maybe I was selfish, maybe I was stupid, but I've always felt unwanted. In those first years of my life, Destin paid more attention to me than my own father. Not that I really blamed him, though. I did nearly take away the only person he'd ever really loved.

I remember that after Destin was raped, he wasn't the same big brother I'd always known. He locked himself away in the room with the piano he was so _goddamned_ good at playing, sometimes for days. And then he went away to school and he met Kei and he changed again and this time he didn't need me at all.

Frustrated, I pounded my fist, violently, into the couch. No one would ever know about these flashbacks.

I really missed Destin, because, in spite of everything, he's still my big brother and I look up to him. I know that if I search him out, he'll welcome me into his home, but I can't be sure he won't call my parents and I just can't deal with that.

With one last large sigh, I pushed myself up off the couch, trying to dismiss all thoughts from my mind. When I got back to the bedroom, Jake was the same position. I tugged away the pillow and settled back into his arms.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_Nina_," I whined. "How many people are we shopping for?" It was the second time she'd dragged me out shopping. Thank God this time we were only in a grocery store instead of the mall.

"Just pick out anything," she said, ignoring the question and throwing a couple bags of _something_ in the cart.

"Do you have money for all this?" I asked, eyeing the mound of food we'd already picked out.

"When you get your first paycheck, you'll begin to wonder why I don't buy more."

"We get paid that well?"

"Better," she smirked and pinched my cheek. I rolled my eyes, wondering how they'd coerced me into coming along. Jake said he needed to be alone to "clean up the apartment". Whatever that meant. He always kept it sparkling clean. So Nina picked that moment to say she needed to go buy food and she grabbed my arm and dragged me out the door. Okay, so there was no coercing. I'd been forced. So I reached up to the top shelf and pulled down a large box of tampons. "Not those, nitwit," she teased, bopping me on the head. "I already have enough."

"Eeew. I did not need to know that." We arrived in the alcohol section of the store and I just stared wide-eyed at her as she piled our cart with drinks I'd never even heard of. "Really, Nina, how many people are you going to attempt to fit inside Jake's apartment?"

"This isn't all for tonight. I'm just getting a lot so we don't have to go back out next time. It's only going to be you, me, Jake, a couple people from the club, your friend and whoever he decided to bring." I let out a sigh of relief, thankful that I wouldn't have to deal with being _too_ claustrophobic. "You worry too much," she said. "When you hang around Jake and I you just gotta learn to live a little."

"I do," I said, crossing my arms and pouting a bit.

She just laughed her lovely, melodic laugh before placing another bottle in the cart and then heading for the cash register.

I _did_ know how to live – a little. Maybe she was right. I don't know.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Wataru was waiting outside with that gorgeous girl I'd seen in the club that first night. He didn't see us right away. He was talking animatedly to the girl, waving his hands. I almost laughed. Wataru had always been one to talk with his hands. She seemed to be listening intently, her large eyes gazing upon his mouth, drinking in every word. I wondered what he was talking about. The girl, Hikari, if I remember correctly, lifted her head when she spotted Nina and I walking from her car, carrying a few bags.

"Wataru, you wanna help?" I asked, shifting a bag to my hip. "There's a lot of them." He nodded and smiled, walking back to Nina's car and picking up twice as many bags as I could carry. I just groaned a bit and began the trek up the stairs to Jake's apartment. When I opened the door my eyes just about bugged out of my head. If I thought it was clean before, it was nothing compared to this. I kind of felt bad about it, because in a couple hours I had a feeling this place would be trashed. I'd just have to make sure I stayed around to help clean it up.

I was more than a bit surprised when I walked into the kitchen and found Loki helping himself to Jake's fridge. I knew they were friends and all, but this was just kind of weird. Loki just freaked me out. I guess I realized why Wataru was so protective of me when I was around him. "Hey," I said, dropping the bags heavily on the table.

"I haven't seen you around in a couple days," he grinned, taking a swig of milk right from the jug. I'd have to remember not to drink out of that later. "Jake always gets the cute boys."

"Yeah, well he's nicer than you so I can see why," I shot back, while trying not to be jealous of any other cute boys Jake may or may not have had. "Besides, I thought you liked girls."

"Nah," he said, lifting his head at Nina as she walked in. "I swing both ways."

"That's great, love," Nina teased. "I always knew you were just a player."

"All the best for you, dear."

_Okay_. This was getting just a bit weird. When I turned to leave, though, I ran smack dab into Jake who smiled and chastely pressed a kiss to my lips.

"That's lovely," said Wataru, showing up behind us with the rest of the bags.

"You're just jealous," I grinned, eyeing the girl he was with. "You must be Hikari," I said, holding out my hand. "I've heard _so_ much about you."

She took it, a soft smirk on her face, surprising me with her strong grip. I then realized that this was no weak chick and that she could probably kick my ass if she felt the need – or want. "That would be me," she said. "And you must be Kira."

"Yeah," I said, motioning to the other people in the room. "And this is Jake, Nina, and Loki… Apparently some others are coming, but I don't know who."

As if on cue, the door opened a moment later and two guys and a girl I recognized from work but hadn't been formally introduced to yet stepped in, toting more bags containing various forms of alcohol. I had a bad feeling about all this. There was too much alcohol… Inwardly, I shook my head, chanting a mantra in my head: _Live a little, Kira._ And I did.

Two hours later, we were all more than a little buzzed and I think I started saying things I normally wouldn't. I'd never been drunk before and I'm not quite sure if I really liked it or not. Jake kept a close eye on me; I could feel him constantly looking me over to make sure I was okay and, most of the time, his arm was around my waist. Amazingly, Wataru, who, in all his life, had been drunk as many times as I had, retained most of his composure. I think it may be due to the fact that he's so much larger than me, but whatever.

At maybe ten o'clock, I heard a knock at the door and, since Loki was closest, he got up to get it. I turned my head to see who it was and the oddest thing happened. It was Eichi. I didn't know what he was doing here and by the look in his eyes I think he'd forgotten, too. Loki towered over him, much like he did me, but they were looking into each other's eyes and even in my drunken state I could see that there was some kind of connection there. "Come in, Eichi," I piped up, ignoring the glare Jake sent me. For some reason I had this feeling that Eichi wouldn't be bothering Jake any more.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I woke up the next morning it felt as though someone put a bass drum next to my head and was pounding it loud enough to wake up a sleeping giant. I groaned, putting my head underneath the pillow of Jake's bed, trying to remember when I'd fallen asleep the night before.

"Hurts like a bitch, doesn't it?" Jake's voice drifted into my ear and immediately I felt a tiny bit better. He lifted the pillow off my head and offered a glass of water and some aspirin. I looked at him like he was God himself before taking the peace offerings. "The first one's the worst."

I sat up in the bed, noting that my body was entirely naked, and hoping that I didn't do anything too retarded. "I didn't say or do anything that I shouldn't have last night, did I?"

He laughed a little, running a hand threw his bright blue hair. "No, you just talked a lot, but it was all harmless and you were more vocal when it came to doing things after everyone left…"

Sighing in relief and blushing a deep red, I willed my massive headache to go away – not that it worked. "Did you see whatever happened between Loki and Eichi?" I asked, thinking that maybe I'd imagined the entire thing.

"Yeah," he said, sitting down beside me on the bed, gently massaging my sore back muscles. "I think we all did. It was kinda hard to miss."

I leaned my head on his shoulder, breathing deeply, loving the feeling of his strong hands on my bare skin. Then he suddenly stopped his massage, wrapping his arm around my waist and nuzzling his head into the crook of my neck. "God, I barely know you, but you do these crazy things to me. Oh, Kira, you're so beautiful."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** I just had to end there. I know I'm sappy and all… And don't worry that word doesn't have the same effect on Kira as it had on Destin, so this isn't a cliffhanger of any sorts.

So tell me what you think, because I love every last one of you!


	6. Happy Birthday, Kira

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter _**Six: H**a_p_**p**y _B_**i**r_t_**h**d_a_**y**, _K_**i**r_a_

**Babblings: **Well, I've finally decided who Kira is going to end up with! Yay! I'm sorry if it's going to disappoint any of you. I'm not telling you who it is yet, because that would ruin the surprise! –snickers– Anyways, here's chapter six! Enjoy!

P.S. There is a three month time skip in this chapter. Sorry about that.

**BEWARE** of a slightly awkward situation involving _a sex toy_. XP (Kira always seems to find himself in the midst of awkward situations, doesn't he?)

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

My breathing hitched ever so slightly as I recalled the flashback of the night before whose remnants were still too fresh in my mind. Then I realized that no one before him had ever called me beautiful before that I could remember. That word had always been used to describe Destin, but never me. I wasn't beautiful; I was just Destin's younger brother, the nameless one, the faceless one.

Before I could stop myself, I burst out into tears, shocking my lover. Lover? Is that what he was to me? No, you have to love each other to be lovers. Fuck, I really needed to get my emotions back under control. I couldn't keep doing this; letting people glimpse into my soul.

"Kira?" Jake asked, his arms tightening around my waist. "Kira, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"No," I shook my head, furiously wiping at my tears. "It's just that… no one's ever called me that before."

A confused look crossed his face before a sign of recognition. "Beautiful?" I nodded my head in an affirmative, a sharp pang going into my heart. "I can't believe that," he said, drawing me close and running a gentle finger under my eyes, only causing me to cry more.

"When you have a brother like Destin, everything else in the world is ugly." Did I really believe that? What was this nonsense spilling from my mouth? I guess, deep down inside, I've always felt that way.

"You are the least ugly person I've ever met in my life," he reassured me, pressing his lips to my forehead. And, for a little while at least, I believed him.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The day of my eighteenth birthday was cold and rainy and my personality probably matched the weather: gloomy. Jake and I stayed in bed until the early afternoon. I think he guessed that I wasn't in the best of moods, though I didn't tell him why. He just stayed with me, mostly silent, holding me tight against his chest. After that day, even if the police found me, if they were looking, I wouldn't have to go home with them. I was a legal adult now. But, somehow, I couldn't bring myself to be happy.

A few weeks prior, Jake asked me to move in with him (I already spent the majority of the week with him) and I readily accepted. Wataru had all but moved in with Hikari, so there wasn't really anything for me at Loki's house, except Estelle; I think I loved that woman. When I offered to pay half the rent, Jake just shook his head and smiled and that was that. I missed being close to Wataru all the time, but we hung out most afternoons. And this afternoon was no exception.

I heard my phone vibrate, but chose to ignore it. Unfortunately, the person calling wasn't one to give up easily. Finally, I extracted myself from Jake's arms, reaching for my phone and snapping it open without looking at the caller ID. "What?" I snapped, catching Jake's smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"_It's a lovely day for a movie, isn't it?"_ Wataru's voice sang from the other end of the line.

Groaning, I hissed, "I'm not in the mood."

"_Kir-Kir! It's your eighteen birthday! You can't stay in bed all day with your boy toy! And you don't have to work, 'cause today's a Monday!"_ Sometimes I really hated that kid. _"And I have a present for you!"_

"You're bribing me, huh?"

"_If you don't get your ass out of bed right now, I'm going to march up there and drag you out into the street naked." _

It really irked me that he knew I was still in bed – naked, for that matter. "Fine," I huffed.

"_Great. Meet me and Hikari outside your building in an hour! Kiss, kiss!"_ And he hung up the phone.

I turned to Jake, who still had that irritating look on his face, and said, "We have an hour to get ready."

When I went to get out of the bed, though, Jake suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "What's wrong?" he asked, looking me straight in the eyes. "We've been dating for over three months now and you still don't tell me anything."

"You don't tell me anything either," I said in a soft voice.

"You never ask."

"Well, never ask me either."

He sighed, his grip tightening. "I'm asking now."

Giving in, realizing that I wasn't going to get out of this, I said, "I'm just kind of sad, because as of today I'm a legal adult. I have no more restrictions to my parents… and that just sort of makes me sad…"

He eyed me, curiously. "Shouldn't you be happy? I mean, you ran away from them."

"No," I said, shaking my head, "I ran away from perfection."

For a long moment, he said nothing, just pressed me against his chest in a comforting gesture. Until Jake came along, I never really liked being touched, but now it was the only thing I ever longed for. As soon as I got up in the mornings, I longed to crawl right back into his arms. "Let's get up," he finally said and I obliged.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Jake stayed unusually close to me for the rest of the day, I noticed, as though he thought I would break. Wataru took us all to a movie. He said he'd seen them all the time when he lived in the city before, but that he hadn't seen one since coming back. He paid for it in spite of my protesting. Nina had been right: I had so much money I didn't know what to do. Most of it ended up in a small safe I'd bought, not being able to set up a bank account. Already in just three month, there were thousands in there.

Wataru teased me all day about his present, refusing to tell me what it was. And all the while Hikari just stood next to him and giggled with her hand over her mouth, letting me know that she was in on it. The girl had really begun growing on me – until then. Even Jake had a small smile on his face, but I think that's mostly because he was laughing at me.

Finally, after a couple hours of wandering around, he finally revealed the little secret he'd been carrying around in his jacket all day. "I guess you've been good enough," he teased, putting a hand inside his jacket and pulling out a…

I had no idea what it was, but I felt Jake chuckle even as he felt onto me. "Taru, what the hell is that?"

All three of them burst out into a fit of laughter while I just looked on, trying to discern if they'd finally lost it. Jake, at last, took the object from Wataru and handed it to me. I rubbed the smooth, phallus-shaped _thing_ in my hands and suddenly realization dawned on him. I checked to make sure no one else was around before taking it and bopping Wataru's head with it. "I do not need a dildo, thank you very much!" I bellowed, shoving it back in his hands. "You have more use for him than I do."

"I don't know about that," said Jake, taking it back from Wataru and slipping it into his sweatshirt pocket. I couldn't believe he was going to carry that thing around. And I couldn't believe what he had kind of implied. Would we ever have use for such a thing?

"I helped Wataru pick it out," Hikari said, leaning up and kissing my best friend on the lips. He smiled back down at her. I was happy for both of them. I could tell Wataru really liked her. They complimented each other. I hoped other people thought the same about Jake and me, although I'm sure they didn't have nearly as much to hide from one another.

As the sun began to set, we decided to go somewhere for a drink. We stepped into a small pub, leaden with heavy smoke. Hardly anyone was there, which was more than perfectly fine with me; I wasn't especially in the mood to deal with a lot of people. We sat in a booth in the back, sipping on alcoholic drinks and talking cheerily.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was happier here than I ever remembered being back at home. I was with my lover, my best friend, and his girlfriend and no tension existed between us. We were comfortable, completely comfortable. I mean, if we weren't comfortable, Wataru never would have given me such a crack gift. (I wondered what Jake planned on doing with it…) I wanted it to be this way forever. I tried to imagine us all as old geezers in this same situation and I could almost see it.

We separated ways outside the pub, because Wataru and Hikari lived in the opposite direction as us. Jake and I walked home sated, buzzed, and happy. He was on me almost as soon as we walked in through the door, attacking my neck with kisses.

"Jake," I giggled, sliding my hand up his shirt, lightly touching his skin with my fingers. "Slow down. I'm not going anywhere soon."

A slow grin graced his features. "I know. You just drive me crazy sometimes. You look absolutely gorgeous tonight." I blushed and he nipped my lips with his teeth, drawing a bit of blood. Then he drew me into his arms and carried me into our bedroom.

After some time of pleasuring each other, Jake reached over into the nightstand, withdrawing something. Then he touched my already drooping eyelids, closing them. I opened up my other senses. The nearly-permanent smell of sex tinged the air – a smell I'd more than gotten used to in three months' time. I could hear the distant chirping of crickets in the failing summer air, singing their last song before the winter frost came. Then I felt as Jake took my hand tenderly in his, slipping something onto my finger. "Open your eyes," he whispered. My eyes fluttered open and I stared at the ring he'd placed on my finger. It was three silver bands woven into one; that was all. But it was lovely in its simplicity.

Jake's hand swiped across my face before I even realized I was crying. "I'm not asking you to marry me or anything," he explained. "But I want that ring to symbolize commitment. I just can't stand the thought of anyone else touching you in the ways I do."

"Thank you," I managed to choke out, throwing my arms his neck. I'd never loved anyone before – except Wataru and it was more brotherly love with him – and I didn't know if I loved Jake. But at the moment, I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. "Thank you so much." _Thank you for making me feel loved. Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for everything._

But I left all those last things unsaid.

"Happy Birthday, Kira."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

_I was in a place I recognized as the park from my hometown. No one could be seen – except one lone figure on a distant bench. Somehow, I felt drawn to the person. I ran. As soon as I got close enough, I realized the person of the bench was Destin. Since this was a dream, I ran towards him, wanting nothing more than to see his face. He looked up at me and smiled his small heart-wrenching smile and asked in a soft whisper, "Kira, is that you?"_

_Something was different about him. He seemed to glow; even his smile seemed brighter. Then I noticed his hand sitting on the small bump of his stomach. He was pregnant. But that didn't seem right. He still appeared as old as he did when I'd last seen him. _

_He stood up, wrapping his small arms around my waist. "Kira, you look so different. I can't believe you dyed your lovely blonde hair."_

"_Destin," I muttered, unsure of what to say or do except to hug him back as tight as possible, reveling in how real his body felt against mine. I was only a few inches taller than him, but I could still nuzzle my nose into his mop of dark, nice-smelling hair. "You're pregnant," I said, after a long while. _

_Nodding, he pulled back, motioning me to sit on the bench with him. "We found out just after you left… It was unplanned, just like Tal, but we were, I guess, starting to consider having another child, so it's alright." Silence passed between us again, before he said, "We looked all over for you, but you just disappeared off the planet. The police convinced Dad and Daddy to stop looking for you now that you've turned eighteen… Oh, Kira, why did you run away?"_

_I didn't reply for a long time. Then, I whispered, "You're a hard person to live up to."_

_Destin's eyes widened and traces of tears formed in his eyes. "Is that really what you think? That you have to live up to me?"_

_Nodding and wondering why in the world I was telling him all this, I said, "Everyone in our family is so perfect. Even Tal and Rainey and Aurora can play any instrument better than I can. And I'm not smart and…" It's just a dream, I told myself. None of what I was saying to him really mattered. But then why did it seem so real?_

_Suddenly, he threw himself at me, hugging me again. And then I was holding his shaking body and sobbing right along with him. We sat like that for a long time, comforting each other._

"_I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm so sorry." I just shook my head and said nothing, not knowing what would be the right thing to say. "Are you dreaming?" he asked. At my nod, he said, "I'm dreaming too... I think we're having the same dream."_

"_Oh," I eloquently stated. _

_His large blue eyes tear-ed up again. He took our hands, entwining our fingers. "I won't make you tell me where you are, but, if you ever need help, you know where to find me." He squeezed my hand one last time and said, "We all miss you so much, Kira," before the vision faded away and I was brought back into a harsh reality._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up in a cold sweat, clutching the blankets of our bed in a death grip. The flashbacks had been happening more frequently now, but I'd never had a dream like this before. Was it real..? No, it couldn't be… But it felt so real…

"Kira?" I opened my eyes to see Jake staring down at me. "Are you okay?" He took a soft hand, stroking the hair from my eyes.

"I'm okay," I said, voice rough from sleep.

He sat back down on the bed, sighing, his back leaning against the wall behind us and reached for the pack of cigarettes I barely saw him use anymore. He shoved the butt of one into his voice, quickly lighting it and drawing in a deep breath. He looked beautiful sitting there, his lovely, toned body lit in the white light of the moon. "You yell a lot in your sleep," he stated.

Pulling myself into a sitting position and wrapping a sheet around my slight shoulders, I muttered, "Oh. Sorry."

"What do you dream about?" he asked.

"My brother," I said, holding my hand out and motioning for his cigarette. "Can I try?" I inquired, changing the subject. Just because I trusted him and just because he knew every centimeter of skin on my body didn't mean I planned on telling him about my weird dreams and flashbacks – at least not any time soon.

Jake looked at me as though I had lost my mind before nodding and handing me the cancer stick. I put it in my mouth, breathing it in, reveling in the smooth feeling of smoke going down my throat – before I started coughing violently. My lover laughed at me, patting me lightly on the back. "It's not a good habit to pick up."

I couldn't understand how anyone would like that now that my throat felt as though it were on fire. But I smiled up at Jake. "You make it look so nice."

He chuckled a little before putting the cigarette out in the ash tray. "You make everything look nice."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Fall was definitely coming: the leaves were starting to turn on the trees, the grass was starting to brown, and everything seemed to be in a mad rush to get ready for school. Every time I went to the grocery store, people were there buying notebooks and pencils and markers. It made me sad. I should have been beginning my senior year in high school, but instead I'd dropped out, run away to the big city, and was now living with another man.

Almost angrily, I shot my basketball from the three-point line. It hit the backboard hard and amazingly still fell into the basket.

I was by myself at the basketball court in the park, trying to get my skills up, although I had no reason to. I wasn't on a basketball team now. Now all it was worth to me was a way for me to vent.

Suddenly, I heard a voice I recognized. "Hey, kid. I haven't seen you around in awhile." I turned around, looking wide-eyed at Loki who had his arm protectively around Eichi's waist. It didn't really surprise me all that much, but no one had seen them for awhile so it still kind of came as a shock.

I nodded my head before going back to shooting. "Listen, there's this basketball team tryout. It's the city's best team and they're looking for a new recruit. I told them I had someone who may be interested."

Stopping, I whipped around, smiling. "Really?" Then my face fell. "But I'm too young…"

"It doesn't matter how young you are if you have the talent," Eichi piped up, stepping forward to place his hand on my sweaty shoulder. "Here's their card and number. The tryouts are tomorrow at ten in the morning. We'd love to see you play for a real team."

I muttered my 'thank you's before running home to tell Jake.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Sorry it took me awhile to get this chapter out. I played with another idea for a while before discarding it, so I had to delete about half of what I had written.

To those of you who requested to see what was going on with Kira's family, I hope the dream was okay with you. I wasn't going to just up and change points of view (for the sake of consistency), but there's a glimpse of what's happening. Yay! Destin is preggers again!

Review!


	7. Tryouts

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Seven: T**_r_y**o**_u_t**s **

**Babblings: **I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chapter! I sorta think I'm leading you around in the wrong direction though… -smirks- So, moving right along, here's chapter seven!

**WARNING:** a shower _citrus_ scene. (I don't believe I've ever written one before…)

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I was nothing but a bundle of nerves when I walked into the huge gymnasium where the tryouts were being held. Everything here was so beyond anything I was used to. The lights were bright, the baskets had never seemed so tall, the bleachers seemed to stretch of into eternity. This is what it felt like to play with the pros. As soon as I got a look at the tea, I realized I was way out of my league. I should just turn around and leave before I embarrassed myself. But I couldn't. Something in the back of my mind refused to let me leave. I had to at least touch a basketball before I deemed myself unworthy. But these men were huge – the tallest men I'd ever seen in my life – and the youngest of them appeared to be at least five years older than me.

Several other men were shooting baskets and I assumed these were the people I'd be competing against for a spot on the team. They were all just as tall as the rest of them. I studied them closely, determining their moves, running tactics through my head that I could use against them.

As I set my bag down on a bench and sat down, changing my shoes, I felt someone hover over me. "Kid, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I looked up into the eyes of an older man with graying hair and a scruffy beard, wearing a tux who I assumed to be the coach of the team I'd talked with earlier that day.

"I'm Kira Uchiha," I said, unfazed. "Loki sent me."

A flash of recognition crossed him face before he burst out laughing. "That boy must be messing with me. You're the scrawniest, shortest, girliest kid I've ever seen."

"Just let me try," I smiled. "You won't be disappointed."

"I won't be disappointed so long as you manage not to die out there. How old are you, kid?"

"Eighteen," I said, a bit tentatively, knowing my age would make him more wary of giving me a chance, not that I stood much of a chance in a field of giants.

"Oh," he said, looking me over, causing me to flush a bit. "And you said your name was…?"

"Kira Uchiha," I said, finishing tying my shoes and standing up, ready to warm up.

"As in…?"

"Yes, my father is the pianist and my brother is the composer. Don't remind me."

"Oh," he said, grinning a little and patting me on the back. "Go shoot around a little. We'll start in a few minutes. By the way, I'm Coach Himura. But if you get onto the team you can just call me Coach." With that, he nodded and walked back to his team.

I don't think any of the players already on the court even noticed me as I walked out onto the shiny wooden floor, calmly bouncing the basketball back and forth between both hands. I tried to pretend I wasn't nervous. Nerves weren't going to get me anywhere. I took a deep, calming breath. Suddenly, the world seemed to slow down and everything was okay. It was just me and my basketball. No one else around me mattered. I stepped in between two guys, placing my feet on the three-point line and shooting a basket nonchalantly, swishing it while there's both bounced off the rim. That's when they noticed me. I just smiled, retrieving the basketball and shooting a lay-up. I could do this. This was a walk in the park – except it wasn't.

As soon as Coach Himura blew his whistle, it became a battle, not just a friendly competition. All these men were near-professionals. They knew what they were doing. I was just a homely high school drop-out. But I held my own, somehow. I more than held my own. Each drill we did I excelled. Soon my nerves were all but forgotten. I was lost in the game, totally and completely in my own heaven on Earth. This was where I belonged: right in the heat of competition, living up to my full potential and leaving everyone else in the duct.

I couldn't figure out how I did it. I'd never played so well in my entire life. Maybe it wasn't good enough, but I knew I'd be able to walk out of that building feeling good about myself because I'd done a good job and I'd played my best and that's all that mattered.

Just as everyone was beginning to come to the end of their adrenaline, a guy stepped out of the actual team and whispered something in Coach Himura's ears. He was particularly tall with large biceps, strong legs, and short, dark hair. All the other guys seemed to respect him, much like I'd noticed with all Loki's cronies, so I assumed him to be the captain or something. After a couple moments, the coach nodded and he stepped out onto the floor.

"One on one between me and this here shrimp," he said, cracking his knuckles as though trying to show me that he could break me without even thinking. I had no doubt in my mind that he could. I tossed him the ball I had in my hands and it landed in his hands with a loud _snap_. Even though I wasn't the strongest person in the world, I knew how to wield a basketball. He grinned. "We'll just play half court." Suddenly, a brand new adrenaline rush surged through me and I felt as though I had more energy than I'd had all day.

Smirking, he dribbled the ball in an annoyingly slow manner and I thought, vaguely, about going and attempting to steal it from him, but the feeling soon passed when he changed forward. I had no way of stopping him. If I tried to block him, he'd just pummel me. Instead, I ran forward so I was directly below the basket, where I somehow knew he'd try to shoot. He went up in a shooting position. I jumped…

…and brought the ball down into my hands before running back to half court. I shot a basket and made it. He took the ball from me, shooting the ball way over my head. He made it as well. Before the end out our scrimmage, I knew how to read him as well as anyone else. Even when he thought he was being sneaky, I knew what he was doing. Maybe I'd inherited a bit of Dad's genius after all. Everything in basketball just seemed so obvious to me.

We were well-matched though. When the coach blew his whistle, he clapped me on the back. "Good game," he said. My rush quickly faded and I couldn't remember the last time I'd ever felt this exhausted. Somehow, I managed to smile at him before following the rest of the boys into a huddle.

When Coach Himura excused us all, I grabbed my bag, ready to go home, take a shower and fall into bed. When I turned to go, though, I found myself face to face with the coach and they guy I'd just played. "We aren't going to make it official for another few days, but you're the one, kid. You've got one hell of a gift. Everyone on the team unanimously agreed."

I stared at him, wide-eyed, taking in what he'd just said to me. I made it onto a basketball team and not just any team, but a _professional_ team. I had to be dreaming. There was no way this was really happening to me. "S-seriously?" I stammered, at a loss for what to say.

They both nodded and I think I almost fainted. "We'll call you when we decide to start practices," the younger guy said. "I'm Haruka, by the way."

Smiling, I shook his hand and said," I have one request: I don't want to be known by my real name in public. You can have it on your files and stuff, but in public I want to be known as something else."

"What?" asked Coach, as I was now able to call him.

I though, almost sadly of what my name meant in English and how well it went along with my life. I almost said "Killer" but that would just be too morbid, even for me. "Can I get back to you on that?" I asked. They nodded. I nodded and I walked away to catch the first bus back to my home.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

By the time I arrived back at the apartment my muscles had stiffened. It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. I'd never worked that hard in my entire life. Hopefully, in a few weeks it wouldn't be as bad. Painfully, I climbed the stairs to the apartment. It was still only mid-afternoon, not yet time for Jake to head for work (I'd managed to bargain my way out of working), but he wasn't there. I assumed he was out and about with Nina or someone else. Slowly, I pealed my sweaty clothes off my skin, dropping them to the floor of the bathroom before stepping into the shower, reveling in the feeling of the hot water pouring over my sore muscles.

I don't know how long I stood there, unmoving, under the constant stream of water before the door suddenly swung open and Jake stepped inside. He smiled at me. I'd begun to notice in the recent weeks that Jake only ever smiled like that for me, like it was his own special offering. He slid his arms around my waist, playfully nipping at my neck. "How did the tryouts go?" he asked above the rush of water.

"I made it," I whispered, the muscles around my mouth almost seemed to hurt when I grinned. "I made it, Jake," I repeated, just a little louder.

He blinked, rapidly, for a moment, and then claimed my lips as his own. "I knew you could do it, Kir. Basketball is your gift. You're amazing."

"You should see those guys, though. They would make you look like a midget."

"So what do they make you look like?" he teased. "A gnome?" Playfully punching his rock-hard abs, I giggled a little, tilting my head up, letting our mouths meet once again in a fiery kiss. "I bet I know how to ease your sore muscles," he hissed, seductively, in my ear while his hand trailed down to my arousal, lightly fingering, driving me insane.

"Please," I whimpered. I blamed my total lack of self-control on the fact that I was completely out of energy.

Never being one to deny me, he knelt on the tiled floor of the shower and took my entire erection into his mouth in one giant gulp. Admittedly, mine wasn't _nearly_ as big as his, but it's still no small feat. I knew from prior experience that Jake was amazing at this, but for some reason it felt extra good today. My body began to shake and he placed his hands on my knees to keep me from collapsing. He expertly sucked and licked, bringing me quickly to the point of no return. I came, hard, into his mouth – and he swallowed every last bit of it, something I couldn't quite get used to. Then he stood up, placing his hands on my small waist to steady me as he kissed me thoroughly. I could taste myself on his tongue and I was surprised at the fact that it didn't actually taste too bad.

He finished washing me before we stepped from the shower. As he took a towel to my hair, he asked me a question I'd hoped I wouldn't ever have to deal with. "Hey Kira? Would you ever want to have sex with me without a condom? I mean, I know Nina doesn't have any kind of disease and she's the only person you've slept with and I know I don't have any because no one before you had any…"

I tried not to feel jealous of anyone Jake had ever been with before, but I couldn't entirely stop myself. I knew he'd been with several people before me, but we never talked about them and I was more than happy that he didn't bring it up.

"Plus," he added, "I heard it feels a lot better."

Well, shit. I shut my eyes, trying to think of what to say to him. I couldn't exactly tell him that I could get pregnant and I couldn't exactly just waltz into a store and get birth control pills, either. "I'd prefer if we didn't," I muttered, pulling on a pair of Jake's sweatpants.

"Why?"

Looking up into his eyes, I sighed and said, "I can't tell you. Maybe some day, but not right now, okay? I'm sorry, Jake."

He just laughed good-naturedly, much to my relief. "You almost act as though you could get pregnant."

_If only you knew._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

_When I dozed off after Jake went down to work, I dreamt of a red-haired, tanned woman. She didn't appear to be old, but the wisdom in her eyes told me she was much older. I didn't recognize her from anywhere before. She stood in the middle of the Konoha mall, but everyone just passed her by, unknowing of her presence. "Kira," she said, her voice calming. I looked into her deep blue eyes, taking another step forward. "It's nice to meet you."_

"_Who are you?" I asked._

"_I am Kyuubi," she answered. "Your grandmother." My conscience suddenly told me to run away as fast as I could. This woman had killed hundreds of people with her own hands. She could easily kill me as well. "Don't worry," she said. "My killing days are far over. I no longer exist in this world. I am no longer a demon and I would sooner kill myself than kill the only offspring of mine able to communicate with me."_

_My shoulders relaxed and I took another step forward. "Is this real?"_

"_It's real enough. Your dream with Destin was very much real. You can do that with anyone if you want."_

"_That was you?"_

"_Yes." Her perfect lips lifted up into something resembling a smile. "You are special, Destin, in ways other than the rest of your family. You are more open-minded than anyone else. You are more loving. That's why I can communicate with you. That's why I'm giving you this gift of near-telepathy." She raised a hand to my cheek, stroking it lightly. I was not afraid of her. I loved her. She was my own flesh and blood. For her, the murders were now nothing but distant memories. "Perhaps we will meet again sometime," she said before slowly beginning to fade. "I love you."_

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

It was still early evening when I awoke from my catnap, I felt as though a weight had been lifted from my chest. She was nothing like I'd imagined. She was beautiful; timeless. But, still, I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy.

Groaning as I extracted myself from the bed, I went into the kitchen to make myself some hot chocolate to calm my nerves. A picture came into my mind of Dad sitting Daddy down at the kitchen table in the house I grew up in, setting a steaming cup of hot chocolate before him. For once, I did not try to shoo away the memory, instead letting it linger on the edge of my thoughts for several minutes. When it did finally leave my mind, it left a guilty, empty feeling in its place.

I loved my life here. And I think I loved Jake – though I was not even remotely prepared for telling him that. There were still too many secrets between us, and, though they did not tear us apart, they left a small gap between our hearts that needed to be filled. But, sometimes, I missed my family so badly it hurt. But now, according to her, I would be able to communicate with them without actually being with them. And, still, I knew I couldn't try to contact my parents any time soon. They'd be so disappointed in me.

Finishing heating my hot chocolate, I sat gingerly on Jake's ancient couch, staring up at the just-appearing stars. They days were beginning to get shorter now, the nights longer. Soon I would be living through my first winter in the city. All my memories of snow were of building snowmen with my Dad, sitting beside a glowing Christmas tree, singing Christmas carols, listening to Katherine tell another story of her childhood. I let out a deep breath, wondering if Wataru ever got homesick like me. I ran my fingers through my recently re-dyed black hair. My parents probably wouldn't even recognize me now.

When Jake quietly slipped into our apartment in the wee hours of the morning, I was still awake, sitting on the couch in the same position I'd been for hours. Jake noticed me and fell on the couch beside me. As usual, he smelled of beer, but it was only on his clothes, not on his breath. "What's up?" he asked, placing an arm on my shoulder.

I leaned close to him, breathing in. No matter how much I missed my family, I had Jake – and I still had Wataru – and that was more than enough for me. "Nothing," I answered. "Just couldn't sleep, so I decided to wait up."

"Oh," he said, yawning. "Let's go to bed." He picked me up bridal style and carried me to our bedroom. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Well, there you have it. I hope you like the little appearance of Kyuubi. I thought if she were to communicate with anyone, it would be Kira. Kira starts practicing with the team the next chapter. I'll get it out as soon as possible.

Please review! I love every last one of you. –gives out free cookies-


	8. Revelations

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Eight: R**_e_v**e**_l_a**t**_i_o**n**_s_

**Babblings: **I'm so happy you all liked my idea of getting Kira on a basketball team. That was not in my original plans, but it occurred to me that we needed to get to know Kira better when he is in his element (plus, the plot bunnies started attacking). I apologize for taking a long time to update. I had a certain something happen to me and I couldn't bring myself to write about a couple that has sex very frequently. I hope this chapter is worth the wait.

_To Peyton Saki:_ I am not going to tell you when or how exactly I plan on getting Kira pregnant, because that would just ruin all the fun of finding out for yourself, but I will tell you that it won't be for several more chapters and it will be an angst-fest.

_To Triops Master:_ After I read your review, I decided to look up the name Kira for myself and not just go off the Death Note version. The name _Kira_ means several different things in several different languages. In Britain, it means _black_. In Celtic, it means _Dark Lady_. In Japanese, it does mean _killer_.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

_I was sitting on the porch swing of the house in which I'd spent most of my childhood. A cool autumn breeze blew through my hair. I closed my eyes, breathing in deeply, taking in my surroundings. That was one gift I'd picked up from Destin: the gift of listening. A few moments later, I heard the familiar sound of the creaky screen door and I knew who it was before she even sat down. _

"_Kira," she said in her calmingly lilting voice. "You've certainly grown up in the past few months." The swing stuttered a bit as she lowered herself onto it, and then resumed the back-and-forth motion. _

_Finding myself almost scared to look, afraid that she'd be so disappointed in me; so disappointed in what I'd done with my life, I slowly fluttered my eyes open. She had a few more wrinkles around her eyes, a few more bruises because her skin wasn't able to heal itself as quickly with her age – but she still had the same gentle smile and the same brightness in her eyes. "Katherine," I whispered, blinking back tears. Her still-strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me close as my body suddenly shook with silent sobs. Slowly, my tears calmed and I pulled back, embarrassed. "Sorry."_

"_You have nothing to be sorry about."_

"_How can you say that?" I asked. "I have plenty to be sorry for."_

_She shook her head. "No, Kira. In more ways than one, I can understand why you left. You were always different that the rest. You never quite fit in. But that's okay." Her old mouth lifted up into a grin. "You were made to go out and be your own person." _

_A comfortable silence fell over us as I contemplated her words, letting them sink deep into my soul. Clutching my fists, I felt the cool metal of my ring against the palm of my hand. Jake's face flashed in my mind. Almost subconsciously, I put my knuckles to my lips, kissing the ring. Katherine was staring at me when I looked back up. "What's his name?" she asked._

"_How do you know it's a guy?" I asked, smirking. But I knew the answer: she knew everything. "His name is Jake. We got together on like… my third night away from home and we've been inseparable ever since. I live with him and he's like the sexiest thing ever to walk the Earth." _

_The smile never disappeared from her face and it was infectious. I never felt uncomfortable around her. And she was the only person in my entire family who knew of my love for basketball. Hell, I'm pretty sure she's the only person who knows anything about me at all – in the entire world. And it's not because I always tell her. It's just because somehow she always knows what's on my mind._

"_So what have you been up to?" she asked_

"_Well," I said, slowly, "I work in a bar, but I just recently got accepted onto an amazing professional basketball team... I think I'll be starting to practice with them soon…"_

_Then I saw something that was a rare sight indeed: Katherine looking surprised. Then, she reached and brought me into a huge bear hug. _

"_Thank you," I whispered before the dream faded away. _

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone going off. Groaning, I extracted myself from Jake and rolled off the bed to find my phone which had been shoved off to the side somewhere the night before. Finally, I found it buried underneath a pile of clean, but yet-to-be-folded clothes. (How the hell did it get there?) I quickly flipped it open – just in time, too; it was about to go to voicemail. "Hello," I murmured groggily into the receiver, taking a quick glance at the clock. It was already two in the afternoon. And my head was pounding. That was some party the night before. I can't even remember the last time my ass hurt this badly. Jake and I, Scout's Honor, probably had sex in every possible position – and now I was definitely feeling it.

"_Kira Uchiha?"_

The voice sounded familiar. I tool the phone from my face for a moment to look at the caller ID. I didn't recognize the number. "Uh, yeah?"

"_This is Coach Himura."_

Suddenly, I felt wide awake, shaking off the last bits of sleep. Energy consumed my body, sending little tingles up my spine. "Oh, hey, Coach," I said. "What's up?"

There was a soft laugh from the other end of the line and then, _"I just thought I'd tell you that we are going to start practicing tomorrow at nine a.m.. Same place."_

"Cool. Thanks." I almost hung up the phone before I remembered. "Coach? I came up with a name."

"_Yeah? What is it?"_

"Aki Uzumaki." I spelled it out for him before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Jake was staring at me from his place on the bed. "Where'd you get the name," he asked.

I shrugged, crawling back to my place beside him. "_Aki_ means 'sky'. I've always loved staring out at the night sky, wondering if there's something more, ya know? And _Uzumaki_ is my… mother's maiden name." Over the week since the tryouts I'd been wracking my brain for a name that would be suitable and that was what I'd come up with, with the help of Kyuubi. She informed me that no one ever knew Daddy by that name so it would be safe to use.

We slipped into a contented silence and I nearly fell asleep when Jake said, "Kira, we need to talk."

Immediately, I was wide awake again, though I couldn't tell from his voice if this was a good thing or a bad thing. He reached out a slender hand, cupping my chin in his fingers, forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. "Yes?" I whispered.

His face moved forward and he placed a gentle kiss on my lips – no tongue, but it calmed me down. At least I knew now he wasn't going to break up with me or anything. Finally, he said, "Kir, trust me when I say I've been with a lot of people, but you're the person I've been with the longest. And I feel things for you that I've never felt for anyone else before in my entire life. You're beautiful and smart and talented, but you have secrets. So do I. But I've decided that I'll tell you anything you want just so that maybe you'll realize I won't just throw you aside if you've got something horrible in your past."

I blinked.

I'd never heard him so much in such a short period of time.

I blinked again.

Wait. What?

"Are you hung-over?" Jake asked with a grin. "Because you have this completely blank look on your face…"

"No!" I said, too quickly. "I mean," I added, "maybe a little… What the hell did we do last night?"

Jake just smirked and waggled his eyebrows (a bit disturbingly so) at me, to which I simply hit him in the arm. Then he pinned me beneath him in one swift movement, his strong hands placed at my slender wrists, his legs straddling my waist. "I'm serious about this, Kir. I want you to know everything about me."

I let out a long sigh. Damn, so my scheme for changing the subject didn't work out quite as planned. If it weren't for the fact that I was scared as hell that he'd leave me if he found out about me (and he would want to know about me if he told me his story, whether he said so or not), I would have been very curious to know all about him. "Start talking then," I said at long last.

At my words, he visibly relaxed, kissing my forehead and allowing me to get into a sitting position. "Let's go out to the kitchen," he said, taking my hand. "I'll make some hot chocolate." I nearly laughed once again to myself at the many memories of Dad doing the same thing with my Daddy. I didn't laugh, though. The laughter wouldn't come easily today.

Following him wordlessly to our small little kitchen, not even protesting when he pulled a chair out for me to sit in, I watched in silence as he made hot chocolate in his own special, delicious way. After a few minutes, he set a steaming mug before me. I wrapped my fingers around it, savoring the warmth it brought to my ever-cold fingers. He reached out, touched my arm in a gentle manner. He looked so sexy there, the early-afternoon sun shining in through the window, reflecting off his blue hair and bright, matching blue eyes, the muscles of his arms standing out. I really did look tiny and weak next to him, I realized now. I also realized something else:

I loved him.

Really, really loved him.

And I knew that whatever he had to say to me wouldn't change how I felt about him.

This revelation scared me. I'd never loved anyone like that before. I had no idea if I'd ever be brave enough to tell him this new revelation, either. But it was nice that I could finally accept it in my heart.

"My dad was murdered before I had even seen the outside of my mother's womb," Jake began finally. "Not a month after I was born, she went out and had a one-night stand and got pregnant with my sister. Once I was old enough to decipher for myself what had happened, I never forgave her. She didn't even grieve for the man who had fathered me. And you know what's even worse? When she went out that night, she left me, a newborn baby home alone. The name Jake? Yeah, it was more of a joke than anything else. I always wondered what my father was like, hoping that maybe he would have given a damn about me. But I loved my sister, well half-sister, really, and I still do, but I haven't seen her in ages. Her name is Alia. Anyways, I ran away from home one night when I was fifteen years old and… God, that was almost seven years ago…"

"Jake," I ventured, softly, "that's not that bad. I mean, none of that was your fault or anything…" Unlike my past. Everything that had ever gone wrong was because of me.

"I'm not done," he said, reaching for a pack of cigarettes and lighting one, hands trembling so much he couldn't get the lighter to work. I leaned across the table, lighting it for him. "I didn't have any money. Absolutely none. So I sold myself on a street corner downtown every night just so I could make it through the next day, the next week, the next month, the next year. It's amazing I stayed rather disease-free, really. I stayed in a shelter for a long time. I stayed in a box on the streets. I froze to death in the winters and nearly died of heatstroke in the summers. Boss found me one night. He took me in, gave me a real job. I found my first real boyfriend. His name was Takio. He wasn't nearly as beautiful as you. And I didn't have anyone for a long time… until I met you." He lowered his eyes, in shame, as if he was afraid to make eye contact with me, like I would start running out the door any moment now.

I wasn't going anywhere.

Ever.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," I said after an extended period of sitting in silence.

"Really?" he asked, head shooting up. It was funny, because he was always so sure of himself and now he was acting like a little schoolboy who'd just gotten off the hook.

"Of course, silly," I said, standing up so I could press my lips against his. _I love you_. But, of course, I didn't say that last part.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

That night I worked with Eichi up in the sound room. It was the first time I'd seen him up close, besides our meeting in the park, since that party we'd had a few days after Wataru and I arrived here.

I loved working in the sound room. For one thing, it was on the second floor of the club, with a large window looking out at the clubbers. And it was far enough away so I could actually hear myself think.

He had headphones on when I arrived, leaning back in his chair, eyes closed, completely lost in his own little world. I stared at him for several long seconds before he finally opened his eyes and noticed me standing there. He pulled off the oversized headphones and greeted me with a wide grin. "So did you get in?" he asked me.

"Yeah," I said, smiling softly.

"That's great. I knew you would. You're amazing. I've watched you practice before.

I nodded, then asked, "So what's up with you and Loki?"

His entire body seemed to light up at the mention of Loki's name. They loved each other. That much was very blatantly obvious. And I was happy for them, overjoyed. "I should ask the same about you and Jake," he shot back, smirking.

"Well… you know…" I replied, waving my wrist.

"I know."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_I killed him." There was no greeting at all this time. Kyuubi stood before me, her features uncharacteristically sad. _

"_What?" I asked, confused._

"_I killed Jake's dad. He was my last victim." _

_And that was all._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I woke up, for once, I could not remember what I dreamed.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I walked into that huge gymnasium a few minutes early the next morning. It looked different to me now; more familiar, less foreboding. I shifted the strap of my duffle bag higher on my shoulder. The place was empty and silent save for the sound of my brand-new, yet-to-be-broken-in shoes stepping on the hardwood floor. I listened. A few moments later, another pair of footsteps joined mine. I turned to face Coach.

"You ready, kid?" he asked, looking down to me. I think I was the only member of his team he didn't have to look up to. I really was a shrimp.

"More than ready," I replied confidently.

"Good, then I will show you to the locker rooms."

He led me to a testosterone-saturated room where I was introduced individually to each member of the team. I couldn't read many of their faces, but I guessed some of them weren't happy with having someone as young and short as me on their team.

Well, within the first few minutes of practice, I sure proved them wrong and by the end of our two-hour practice session I don't think I'd ever felt so loved or so wanted in my entire life.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

After Jake's confession, or whatever it was, we grew closer. He touched me more affectionately in public. We made each other little, special things. Nina noticed. Wataru noticed. Hikari noticed. I guess it's proof that secrets really do keep people apart.

I stored that thought away for future reference.

The morning of the eve of my first ever professional basketball game, I was nervous as all hell during practice, but I still think I played better than ever. At the end of practice, Coach gave me the biggest surprise of my entire life. "Kid," he said, "how would you like to be a starter?"

A starter in a game of giants? We'd been watching old videos of the team we were playing the next day and they looked even taller than most of our guys. I was going to die.

But who cares?

I was going to be a starter in a professional game. And I was only eighteen-years-old, five-foot-four, and a hundred and twenty pounds. I'd come a long way from the boy I was when I first ran away.

"Hell, yes!" I replied – enthusiastically.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Well, I am sorry for the short-ish-ness of this chapter. But hey, at least I updated, right? I'm sorry if the plot seems a bit rushed right now, but I will slow down again next chapter. I just really needed to get the story moving.

Oh and aren't I so evil with the thing about Kyuubi. Don't worry: Kira will remember eventually. –evil laugh- At least you finally got to see Katherine. Unfortunately, it will be awhile before Kira talks with Sasuke or Naruto.

So review just because I finally updated!


	9. Life in the Fast Lane

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Nine: L**_i_f**e** _i_n **t**_he_ **F**_a_s**t** _L_a**n**_e_

**Babblings:** Yes, yes, yes, I know I need to update faster… but you guys need to review more! Seriously. Anyways… yay! In this chapter we get to see more of Kira in his element! –dances- Enjoy this chapter, for the angst-fest will begin shortly!

_To Misa A. Chan:_ Both _Sora_ and _Aki_ mean sky. _**Look. It. Up.**_

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Rays of heavy, hot light beat down on my head. I blinked my eyes rapidly, willing them to adjust the bright lights of the huge stadium. Our entrance was greeted by uproarious cheering and yelling and clapping. I glanced up at the stands all around me, knowing that somewhere up there were Jake, Wataru, Nina, Hikari, Loki, Eichi, and Estelle, all cheering for me. Somewhere up there I knew Jake was smiling at me. That thought alone took away the last of my nervousness.

I had never seen so many people gathered in one place. There were _thousands_. Seriously. My adrenaline rush hadn't begun quite yet, but I could feel it, lurking at the edge of my consciousness. This was my night.

My hand drifted up to my chest, touching the brand-new, silky uniform. They'd had to special order it for me on account of me being so small. I love it. It was so much better than the uniform I'd had at my low-class school back at home. Everything here was better. And bigger. _Much_ bigger. I glanced at the other side of the court where the other team was practicing, memorizing which players moved in which ways. In fact, I spent more time watching them than warming up myself. A couple guys on the opposing team made eye contact with me and then burst out in laughter. I guess it was kind of comical in a way.

Suddenly, I felt someone clap me on the shoulder. I looked up into the eyes of Haruka, who smiled down on me. "They'll never know what hit 'em," he said and then threw the basketball in his huge hands, making a perfect arch, and a perfect basket. I shot my own ball, swishing it. We made eye-contact and grinned.

After a few more minutes, Coach called us over because the game was about to start. We all huddled around him, me right in the center so I could see and here. "All right," he began, "this is Aki's first game. Let's make sure he never forgets it. Now those boys over there are huge, but we've got them with speed." Here he gave me a significant look. "And we have a certain element of surprise for a at least the first few minutes of the game until they realize Aki is a formidable foe. You guys know what to do so let's do it!" We all let out very manly grunts and headed out onto the court.

My heart was beating a million miles per hour, my soul was soaring. Even the odd looks from the other team couldn't get me down. The referee stepped in between the two guys jumping for the ball. I took a stance in an open area. The noise around me was numb to my ears. I could here an announcer, but I couldn't understand a thing he was saying. They jumped. The tall guy next to me caught it. I jumped up out of nowhere beneath him and took it right from his hands. He didn't even see me coming. I ran down the court, only one guy close behind me. I made a lay-up. That move got them every time. Unfortunately for me, there were professionals. That trick only worked once.

Even my adrenaline rush could only keep me going for so long. I had to take a rather long breather in the middle of the third quarter until we got down by several points and I let Coach put me back in again.

It was a tight game, intense up to the very last moment when we won by a mere four points. My vision blurred as I was hoisted onto the shoulders of my teammates and rushed onto a court full of screaming fans. It was an amazing feeling being up there, being the one everyone was looking up to. I wondered if anyone in my family was looking at me on TV. Maybe Katherine. Katherine cared.

Suddenly, I was put back on the ground and I found myself looking up into Jake's eyes. Somehow he'd managed to get to me in amongst all this ruckus. I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Kir," he said, playfully, "you're all sweaty."

I nuzzled against him even more. "You know that's the way you like me."

He grinned, brushing a strand of wet, sweaty hair from my eyes. "Yeah, I guess you're right about that one."

"Kira!" somebody yelled at me over the crowd. I whipped my head around to see Haruka waving at me. I sighed and gave Jake one last squeeze/ "Wait for me," I said. "I just have to go change in the locker room and grab my stuff."

Jake nodded and I bounded away after the tall team captain. Once in the locker room I was once again pounced upon by my teammates. They took turns slapping me on the back or hitting my ass (which was apparently a very manly thing to do). After I'd finally managed to change into my usual skinny jeans and a hoodie, Coach grabbed me by the arm and dragged me off to his office. "Is something wrong?" I asked, plopping heavily down into the chair across from his desk.

A slow smile spread across his aged face and he let out a loud chuckle. "No, of course not, kid. You're like an angel sent to me from above. I haven't seen playing like that in years. I don't think this team has played this well in god knows how long."

"So then what did you want to talk about" I asked, curiously, not nervously. I was still coming off my adrenaline high.

"Oh, I just wanted to talk about your salary."

"Huh?" I asked, rather startled. Truthfully, I hadn't even thought about getting paid. But this was a professional team. Of course we were getting paid.

"You should be getting your first paycheck in the mail in a couple of days. Come to me if it doesn't seem satisfactory." I nodded, numbly, and he added, "Also, our first away game is this Friday. I assume you'll probably want to tell your boss that you'll no longer be working for him." Coach didn't say that meanly, he just said it matter-of-fact-ly. He knew as well as I did that there was no way I'd be able to juggle that into my schedule. In a way though, I didn't want to quit my job at the bar. I loved working there with Jake. Maybe I could ask Boss if I could still work there on nights when I didn't have games.

"Thanks, Coach," I said, standing. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, you don't have practice tomorrow. I think you deserve a day off." I smiled at him, thankful. My body was beginning to get worn down after all the weeks of intense practicing and working. As I was beginning to leave the room, he said, "Take the back door out. You can bypass the media that way."

I ran out his door and out the back way, down a long corridor, texting Jake furiously for a place to meet him. For some reason, now I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms. I finally saw him standing next to his car in the parking garage attached to the basketball court. He ran to me, I ran to him, and we met somewhere in the middle. We stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, for a long time. "Where is everyone else?" I asked at long last.

"They all went over to Loki's place. Estelle said she made some cake to celebrate. I told them we'd be over in a bit."

"Oh," I said, softly, leaning into him a little more, ignoring the biting air around us. I bit my lip, built up my courage; I had to say this now. I don't know why, but I felt like if I didn't say it now, I'd never have another chance. "Jake," I whispered, closing my eyes, inhaling his strong, musky scent. "Jake, I love you."

Jake's bright blue eyes stared down into mine. He smiled. My heart fluttered in my chest. He kissed me. Then he said, "I know. I love you, too."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I've changed.

Yeah, I know, big deal, right? Everyone changes. But I can't help but think back to that night just those few months ago, when I was a typical (well, not _that_ typical), whiny teenager, wanting to get away from home. I remember well how my Daddy's arms felt as they wrapped around me that last time I talked with him. Destin is probably blossoming in his pregnancy, Kei waiting on him hand and foot, and Tal wondering what it will be like to be a big brother. I wonder now if Aurora and Rainey look any different. Children seem to shoot up so fast… I miss them, I really do, but I have a different family here, now. My friends are my family. Wataru is still my family. But, mostly, Jake is my family.

I realize this as Jake and I walk into my party fashionably late to find everyone sprawled on the floor, playing _Twister_. Even Estelle was playing. Wataru had the silliest look on his face as he tried his hardest not to lose his balance. I stifled a laugh as Nina stretched a little too far and slipped off the mat. She saw us and waved us over. Estelle suddenly glanced up and fell on top of Loki.

"Geezus Christ, guys," moaned Loki. "You just had to come in and ruin my winning streak, didn't you."

"You're just a sore loser," proclaimed both Eichi and Wataru simultaneously.

Hikari shook her head and spun. "Left foot on blue!" she called out. The two boys still remaining in the game groaned and stretched their legs all the way to the other side of the mat, where the blue dots were situated. Unfortunately for Eichi, Wataru had longer legs. The smaller boy toppled over, dramatically and we all shared a laugh.

Estelle floated over to us and wrapped me in a hug. "I haven't seen you in forever, Kira. You never stop by to see me anymore."

"I know," I said, hugging her back. "I haven't had much free time lately."

"Yeah, he's a star now, didn't you know?" Wataru said this while walking triumphantly over to us.

"I'm still the same person," I protested.

"He is," said Jake, a wide smirk on his perfect face.

I punched him, none too gently, in the arm. "Whatever, asshole." We shared a knowing look.

Wataru noticed. "Now don't get too lovey dovey on us, now. We still have cake to eat. And it looks amazing."

"It _is_ amazing," Loki interjected, stuffing a slice of frosting-covered chocolate cake into his most without even using a fork…

We all ran for the cake, tackling anyone who got in the way of our conquest. Ah, yes, this was my family.

When Jake and I arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, we made love for the first time. And yes, it is different than just having sex. It's nice knowing that the person above you, worshipping your body, loves you as much as you love them.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

A couple days later, I received my first check in the mail and I nearly died of a heart attack. An eighteen-year-old boy shouldn't be allowed that much money at one time. I had no idea what to do with it. Where did these people get their money, anyway? All I'd done was play basketball. How was that worth that sum of money?

"You okay?" Jake asked, coming up beside me. "You look like you've just seen a ghost." Without answering him, I handed over the chest. An expression crossed his face similar to what mine most likely looked like. "Wow," he said, after a long moment. And that's all there was to be said. _Wow_. "I guess you won't need your job downstairs anymore."

I shook my head. "I have my first away game tomorrow. I told Boss that I'd still work on the nights I was around, because I like it so much, but yeah…"

Jake handed the envelope back to me. "You might need to get a bank account." He was right. I wouldn't just want to cash that kind of money in, even if I did have a safe. "You really are amazing, Kira. I just want you to know that." He pulled me into his strong embrace and I melted against him as I always did. I didn't need money. I didn't need basketball. All I needed was this amazing man who'd opened his house and his heart to me.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

It was hard being away from Jake, even just for a couple days. The guys on the team were more than cool with me now, so they were a great distraction, but they couldn't make up for the emptiness I felt, lying in that cold hotel bed, all by myself for the first time since I had moved in with Jake. I called him just before I went to bed. He sounded as though he missed me as much as I missed him. That made that empty bed seem just the slightest bit better.

We completely massacred the team we played the next day. All the practices we'd been through, all the "team bonding" was paying off.

It wasn't until the bus ride back to Konoha that I had another dream.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

_I recognized the room as the one the twins shared back at home. Seeing the simple beauty of it all made my heart hurt. I remember when Daddy was first painting their room. He put so much time and thought into it. The twins were sitting up in their bed, staring at me with wide eyes. "Kira?" gasped Rainey, jumping off the bed and throwing himself into my arms. "Are you real?" Aurora followed after him and she was soon clinging onto my leg.._

"_I'm real," I said, which was kind of true. We were both having the same dream at the same time. It was real enough. For now._

"_Why did you leave us?" asked Aurora. "Did we do something wrong? I gave you back your slippers when you asked for them." Ah, yes, the slippers. The sneaky little girl had stolen them from me and I didn't have the heart to ask for them back for at least a couple weeks. She just looked so cute with them on her tiny little feet. _

_I ruffled her curls with my small, calloused hand. "No, of course not. I left because of other reasons…"_

"_What reasons?" demanded Rainey. _

_Because you're so goddamn perfect. I didn't say that, of course. "You'll understand when you get older."_

"_I want to know now."_

_Sighing, I stepped over to their bed, sitting one of them down on each side of me. "You know how Destin has Kei and our parents have each other?" They both nodded. "Well, I have someone like that now. That's why I left." It wasn't the real reason, but it was believable enough for their little minds. _

"_Do we get to meet him?" Aurora asked in a small voice. _

"_Some day," I replied. Some day when I finally got around to telling him about my family. I felt the dream begin to fade. I pulled both my youngest siblings close to me. "I do love you," I said. "Please remember that."_

"_We'll remember."_

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Winter faded into Spring, bringing with it all the signs of new life. Basketball continued. The team continued winning. I saw my face and (fake) name in the newspaper quite frequently. I started putting my paychecks aside into the bank. I still lived with Jake. We still loved each other. Nina still fed us. Wataru still teased me life a brother. I developed a routine and I loved my life, every single moment of it. I finally found what I had been looking for when I ran away from everything I had ever know. I'd found my place in life. I found a family where I fit in.

Little did I know, that was all about to change.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** I'm sorry once again for the shortness of this chapter. I certainly hope it turned out all right, because I'm not quite positive…

Oh and I apologize for the cliffhanger. Just be happy I don't give you too many of those.

Yay!

_**ANOTHER POLL (PLEASE ANSWER):**_ **Do you think Kira should have a boy or a girl? **

(I'm kinda leaning, towards a girl, but I'm not positive…)

P.S. Beware of the angst-fest that is the next chapter.

REVIEW! (Or else. –shakes fists-)


	10. Not Beautiful Anymore

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Ten: N**_o_t **B**_e_a**u**_t_i**f**_u_l **A**_n_y**m**_o_r**e**

**Babblings:** Thanks for all your responses to the poll in the last chapter. I know what I am going to do now, although it won't appear for a few more chapters.

Anyways, I can't exactly tell you to enjoy this chapter, because I'm pretty sure you will all want to kill me, but you know you're all secretly as addicted to angst as I am.

So enjoy. XP

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Jake?" I asked, tentatively, into the darkness, curling a little closer to his strong, lean body.

"What's up?" he responded, stroking my bare shoulder.

"Do you like children?" This was the first time I'd managed to bring up the subject of children with him. Just in case. I hated to admit it, but we'd gotten reckless lately in our drinking. Many times I would wake up in the morning with no recollection of what had happened the night before. It was only a matter of time… No. I mentally shook my head. I wasn't like the rest of my family. I wouldn't have kids. I couldn't deal with kids. I didn't _want_ kids.

I felt him shrug. "I dunno. They're okay, I suppose. Why?"

That wasn't the most enthusiastic answer I had ever heard, but at least he didn't say he _hated_ children. It could have been worse, right?

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The first week I was sick, I thought it was just the stomach flu that had been going around. I didn't think too much about it. I just took some aspirin and the sickness was gone by lunchtime, most days. It wasn't until the second week of constant puking that I came to the realization of what it really was: morning sickness.

No, no, I reasoned with myself, this wouldn't happen to me. It must just be the flu. But I couldn't help myself from wanting to scream. This couldn't be happening to me. I had run to get away from my family, but, even now, they had found a way to haunt me.

When our team was out of town for one of our final away games before playoffs, I decided to try a pregnancy test, just to make sure, just to make it sink in that this was really happening to me…

I walked into the "girls" section of the store and I pulled my hoodie over my head and lowered my eyes. This was so embarrassing. Since I was doing this now, I should have just gone through the embarrassment earlier and got myself some birth control pills. I never thought these things through, and now it had gotten me into trouble. Taking a deep breath, I just shook my head and grabbed one off the shelf, the most expensive one; I didn't want it to be wrong.

Making sure not to make eye contact with the cashier, I handed over my money. She didn't even seem phased. I'm sure she saw a lot of people buying strange things. Maybe she just thought I was buying it for my girlfriend… Ha.

Back in the hotel, I stared at the directions for the damn thing for a long time. I didn't want to do this. If it was positive, I would be a freak just like the rest of my family. I could feel my pulse beating loudly in my ears as I inserted the test. The waiting was the worst. I think I paced back and forth so many times I burned a hole in the carpet.

The test was a blaring positive.

Then, I really did scream.

How could I tell Jake about this? He loved me, right? He told me so often enough now. Perhaps he'd love having children running around the apartment. We would get through this.

Needless to say, my game was off that night. I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I was carrying a baby – Jake's baby. I was a freak.

Coach pulled me out in the third quarter and gave me a pep talk. "Aki," he said, placing a firm hand on my shoulder, "we need this win. We only have one more game after this before play-offs." His eyes were pleading with me. I nodded and he sent me back out on the court – and I was lost in my own Heaven; a place where I didn't have to think about love, or babies, or freakishness; it was just me and nine other people and a ball.

We won.

The celebration in the locker room afterwards was interrupted by Coach announcing that there had been a change in plans and that we were heading back that night instead of in the morning. I let out a long sigh. I'd been hoping for another night to myself while I let this new news sink in. I had to think of what I was going to tell Jake, if I would tell him anything at all. I had managed to keep all my secrets from him thus far. I knew it wasn't fair, but I didn't want him to kick me out because I was abnormal.

I completely zoned out on the relatively short ride back to the city, ignoring the shouting coming from the other guys. I leaned my head against the cool window and placed a hand on my stomach. I felt no connection to the thing growing inside of me. It was ruining all my plans. The basketball season was ending soon, but I wouldn't be able to come back if I had a kid.

Never in my life have I been particularly violent, but at the moment I wanted nothing more than to punch the hell out of something – or someone. When the guy sitting behind me suddenly ruffled my hair, I had to bite back the urge to flip out on him.

When we arrived back in Konoha, it was still fairly early – only midnight or so. The club closed at two so I had time to go look for Jake…

I stepped off the bus and walked the short way to the club. The moon shone brightly, a light breeze blew through my long hair (I'd been letting it grow out). The duffle bag I had tossed across my shoulder felt heavier than usual; the walk seemed longer. As always, I heard it before I saw it. It was odd, because I never quite got used to that noise.

The guy at the door smiled and let me through. "How's it going, Kira? Did you guys win?"

I nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah, we did. We're definitely going to play-offs this year."

"You guys are undefeatable," he said and waved before moving onto the next person in line.

Jake was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't at the bar. A new guy they'd hired was working there. That was weird. Jake always worked the bar. He was the best. Boss never had him work another position. Had he taken the night off for some reason? That was unlikely. He never took nights off.

I started to panic. Something was desperately wrong here. I called his name out, but it was useless; he would never hear me over the din of the crowd. "Jake," I yelled out again. Sighing, I set off to look for him in the basement. Maybe he just went off to restock something. Yeah, I reassured myself, that's all it was. Why was I getting all worked up about this? It was just another normal night at the bar… But then why did something feel so… off?

Boss brushed past me, heading up the stairs as I was heading down. He smiled a bit and started to say something, but I pushed on past him, something telling me that I had to see whatever was at the bottom of the stairs. Suddenly, I heard a voice in my head: _"Kira, you don't want to get your heart broken."_ It was Kyuubi's voice. I would know it anywhere. She may have been right, but ignorance wasn't bliss for me.

I had to know.

When I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs, I stopped short and nearly fell over at what I saw:

Jake was kissing another boy.

But it wasn't just kissing. They were all over each other, tongues stuck inside the other's mouth. It was sloppy. It was wrong. It made my heart shatter into a million pieces before I could stop it.

Tears were streaming down my face as I climbed, clumsily, up the stairs. Only one thought ran through my head: at least now I wouldn't have to come up with a way to tell Jake that I was carrying his child.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that happiness doesn't last. You can hold it just within your grasp. It looks beautiful, like a butterfly. But butterflies never stay for too long. Suddenly, the happiness falls to the floor, like a bomb, and explodes in your face. You feel dirty, used, unneeded, unwanted, heartbroken.

I felt completely empty and broken as I walked up the stairs to the apartment Jake and I had shared for nearly a year now. That year had been the best of my entire life and now it was gone. I wondered how long Jake had been cheating on me. Was this the first time? The twentieth time?

Jake always called me his beautiful angel. I detested that word now. I'd always hated it. It had haunted me nearly all my life. _Beautiful_. Apparently I wasn't beautiful enough. I never was. I had just wasted almost a year of my life away with a man who didn't even care about me.

How could I have been so wrong about him? I thought he loved me. Everything about him seemed to absolutely genuine. He was the first person I had given my heart to. Why did he have to do this to me?

I arrived at our apartment and opened the door with shaking hands. Everything inside was just how I had left it. But it was so wrong, so wrong. I quickly put everything I owned (which wasn't much) inside my duffle bag and scribbled out a short, bitter, note to Jake.

_Jake,_

_It's too bad true love only happens in movies. Have a nice life._

_-Kira. _

By the time I left the apartment, tears were streaming uncontrollably down my face. No matter how much I rubbed at my eyes, I couldn't stop them. I had never, ever cried like this before in my entire life. I had always been the strong one, never known to break. But I had never known heartache like this before, either.

When I got back down at the club, I threw myself onto the dance floor and attached myself onto the first man I thought would be willing to take me into his bed for the night.

It's true: happiness doesn't exist.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up in a foreign bed with foreign sheets, sleeping immediately next to a stranger whose name I didn't even know and whose body reeked of sex and sweat. A wave of nausea rushed through my body and I barely made it to the toilet before I puked up what little remained in my stomach. No one held back my hair; no one rubbed my back. Everything was silent. A trickle of tears ran down my face before I had time to wipe them away.

After my body had finished painfully dry heaving, I stood up and washed my face in the dirty sink. I glanced up at my face in the mirror. Only a few days before my eyes had seemed bright and happy. Now they were dark and empty.

I hit the wall and let out a small scream. "Fuck!" I yelled. A moment later, the bathroom door was thrown open and the man I'd slept with the night before appeared in the doorway. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, and let out a yawn. He was the type of man who would have been cute if he was fifteen years younger. Now he had the beginnings of grey hair and a few extra pounds. What the hell had I been thinking?

"You'd better leave," he said. "I have a meeting in an hour and I don't just want you lazing about my house."

He didn't need to tell me twice. I pushed past him, pulled on some clothes, grabbed my bag and ran out the door. The bright morning sun hurt my eyes, but I didn't even stop to see where I was going until I arrived at a coffee shop not too far away. I slipped inside and ordered a triple-shot vanilla latte, desperate for some caffeine. I knew that much coffee wasn't good for me in my current state, but I didn't care. The baby could die for all I fucking cared.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate. I picked it up and looked at the number. It was Jake. I opened the phone and pressed the "end" button. Then I found him on my contact list and blocked him. I didn't want to know what he had to say. I didn't want to hear his excuses.

The clock on the wall read 9:34. I didn't have practice until 11 and I had nowhere to go. I could have called Wataru, but he would have immediately known something was wrong. After being friends for so long, he could read me like an open book – well, probably.

So I sat in the coffee shop, reading the newspaper and trying not to think about anything until 10:30 when I caught the bus down to the gym for practice. I was already dressed and warming up when everyone else arrived. Basketball was my escape and at that moment I was desperate. I only stopped when I felt Coach's hand on my shoulder, telling me it was time to start practice.

I was on edge all through practice. When we started to scrimmage, this guy named Lee, who I'd always been on pretty good terms with, fouled me when I went in for a lay-up. Before I could contain my anger, I had punched him in the nose – hard enough to make him bleed. Coach's whistle quickly brought me back to reality.

A flush rose in my face. What in the world had I just done? I had never been one to resort to violence, especially not for a simple foul. "Sorry!" I said, loudly, placing a hand over my mouth and once again finding myself biting back tears. By this time Lee had already run away to get some tissues to stop his bleeding nose.

Haruka wrapped an arm around my shoulder and led me to the bench. "Do you mind telling me what just happened?" he asked.

I shook my head and lowered my eyes. "I don't know."

"Well, all I can say is that I'm glad it wasn't me on the receiving end on that punch."

That managed to make me laugh a little, even if it was only half-hearted. "Is everything okay now?" Coach called. Both Haruka and I nodded and walked back onto the court.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Haruka, would it be cool if I crashed at your place for a night?" I asked later when we were showering in the locker room.

He studied me over to see if something was up, but I'd managed to put up my flawless mask. "Yeah, that'd be cool. My house is pretty big and I live alone."

I smiled. "Thanks. It'll just be for tonight."

We drove his fancy Mustang back to his house, which was actually pretty far away. The entire time, we chatted like old friends and, for a little while, I was able to nearly forget about everything.

He had mountains of beer in his fridge. When I took my first sip, I told myself that I shouldn't be doing this: it could ruin my baby's life. The thought quickly disappeared from my mind. What did I care what happened to a baby I didn't even want? By the fourth beer, all thoughts were gone from my mind.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_I HATE YOU!" I screamed at Kyuubi. "How could you do this to me?! I didn't want this. I don't want to be a freak! WHY?" _

_She had the saddest look on her face. I almost felt bad at yelling at her like this. Almost, but not quite. She was the one who did this. She was the one who had to go ruin my life. I'd lost Jake, and now I had a fucking baby – thanks to her. _

"_It was supposed to be a gift," she said, softly. "It was a gift to my son and to Destin…"_

"_You said yourself that I am not like Destin or my parents! I don't WANT to be like them!" My arms were shaking, my eyes burning. _

"_Don't hurt yourself," she said. "You don't want to kill your baby."_

"_Yes, I do!" I bellowed. "You took Jake from me and I don't want his goddamn kid." I knew I wasn't thinking logically. She hadn't taken Jake from me. Jake had taken himself from me. But she was there to take the blame. And it WAS her fault that I was pregnant. _

_She stepped forward, wordlessly, and suddenly I found myself wrapped in her arms. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I clung onto her like my life depended on it. _

"_I'm sorry," she whispered. "So sorry…"_

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up to a pounding headache. I was completely alone in a bedroom I don't remember seeing. No one was beside me in the bed. No one wrapped strong arms around my slender waist. Then I felt a whisper in my head, the soft voice of my grandmother: _"I'm here with you."_ Even if that didn't make me feel a whole lot better, it was nicer than being completely alone.

Even as I fell asleep the second time, I could help but think that I would never be the same again.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** Well, I apologize if that was not what you were expecting. I did warn you about upcoming angst. On the plus side, Destin and Kei will come into the story in either the next chapter or the chapter after that.

REVIEW!

P.S. This may be the last time I get to update for awhile. I have finals this week and then Saturday I head to the Philippines for a month. I love you all!


	11. Best Friend Turned?

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Eleven:** _Best_ **Friend** Turned**…?**

**Babblings:** Thank you all for not (completely) killing me after the last chapter. It was hard to write for me, because I like Jake a lot. I also like Wataru a lot. Don't worry: for those of you who like Wataru, he'll still be around.

Also, sorry for being away for so long. I was having fun in the Philippines and when I got back I lost all motivation for this story. But don't you worry: it will definitely be finished. I can't leave you hanging like that forever.

**WARNING:** …um… **LEMON!**

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Are you in trouble?"

My head snapped up and I raised an eyebrow toward Haruka over my bowl over Cheerios. "Why in the hell would you say that?"

He rolled his eyes and bopped me on the head with his fork. "I mean, it's none of my business or anything, but I noticed that after all our games and practices you either jump into the guy-with-the-crazy-blue-hair's arms or you hurry home to him, and, well, he hasn't been around. And you aren't exactly the type of guy who would come over to a teammate's house just for fun, no offense."

You know, for a testosterone crazed guy, he was smarter than he looked. I just shrugged my shoulders and took another bite of cereal, hoping in the back of my mind that I would be able to keep it down this morning. "I came home after a game and he had his tongue stuck down another guy's mouth, so I left." By the tone of my voice, no one would think I cared in the least bit, but truthfully my insides were breaking. But at the same time they were breaking, I had already begun rebuilding my walls and this time they weren't coming down so easily. No crazy-haired, beautiful young man would make them fall, that's for sure.

"Man, that sucks," Haruka said, stuffing a bit of egg into his mouth. "You guys were really sweet. He seemed like an okay guy to me." _Join the club_. "But ya know," he continued, "we still have awhile until the game and I haven't gotten laid in a long time."

"You don't even swing my way," I pointed out.

He grinned a toothy grin and leaned in so his face was only a few inches from mine. "Well you sorta look like a girl. We can pretend." I take it back: he's not smart, he's clueless. But whatever. I had already resorted to being a slut; if he wanted it, I would give it to him.

So I tilted my head forward and pressed our lips together. "Let's pretend." I heard Kyuubi's little voice in the back of my head telling me not to, but I pushed her aside and I momentarily forgot about the little being growing inside of me.

Haruka grabbed my arm roughly and led me over to the couch, pushing me down and proceeded to tear off my pants. The entire time I knew he was thinking about some beautiful girl, but that didn't change the fact that he was really good.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The flashbacks that had mostly disappeared with Jake's presence were back with a force now. I heard that word, "beautiful", over and over again in my head until I thought I would completely lose my mind. Kyuubi wasn't making it any better.

After about the hundredth time (and that's not even an exaggeration) Wataru called, I finally decided to give in and answer. "Hello," I said in a flat voice. I was expecting a lecture about not answering my phone and disappearing for the last several days. What I didn't expect was to hear Wataru tell me in a voice that sounded close to tears: _"Kir, I really need you. Can I meet you somewhere?"_

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. "Where?"

"_The coffee shop I like so much?"_

"Ok."

And then he hung up.

This was bad. I had never heard him sound so depressed in all the years I've known him. I glanced at the clock, thanking God that it was still early morning and I didn't have anything going on until our first play-off game that night, which I wasn't worried about.

"I'm going out!" I yelled at Haruka. I had been leeching a room off him for about five days. I felt bad, but he didn't seem to mind. He said he was lonely in the house by himself all the time. I didn't wait for an answer as I ran out the door and to the train station as fast as my legs could carry me.

When I arrived in the little café, Wataru was already waiting for me, seeming to have himself under control. "Hey," I said, sitting across from him and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "What's up?"

"Where the hell have you been, Kira?" he snapped, something he never did. "You stopped answering your phone, Nina didn't know where you went, and Jake has suddenly up and disappeared." Now _that_ was interesting. I wouldn't have expected Jake to run away, but that's what cowards do, right?

"Taru, why did you sound like you were on the verge of tears over the phone?" I demanded. "I didn't come here to get lectured like a child. I came here because I thought my best friend was in trouble. Don't waste my time."

His whole demeanor then did a complete one-eighty. He put his head down on the table and let out a mighty sob that shook his entire body. My mind whirled: this was bad, this was bad, this was bad. The world was just going to hell, wasn't it? I reached one scrawny arm across the table to lightly touch his shaggy hair. "Let's go somewhere more private," I whispered, stroking his head in a calming manner. "Come on."

"Can we go to your apartment?" he asked softly.

"I–" I stuttered, momentarily caught off guard. "Uh… no, we can't, actually." I absently touched the ring on my finger. In my rush the all my belongings out of the apartment, I'd forgotten about it and now I couldn't manage to take it off. Now that promise weighed heavily on my hand and my heart. Even though I knew in my heart that it was all over, my head was still telling me that it had just been a big misunderstanding.

"Why not?" he asked, quickly. Then added, "If Jake has done something to you then I swear to God I will rip off his balls and feed them my neighbor's dog."

"I'll tell you later," I said. "Right now we are dealing with you." I stood up, grabbing his wrist and leading him out the door. We walked in silence for a little while before I found a nice little bench to sit on. Placing my hand on his leg in a comforting gesture, I said, "So what's wrong?"

He did something a little confusing then: he put his hand on top of mine; a little absently, but still. "Hikari broke up with me."

"What?!" I screeched. "Why?" They were completely in love with each other. That didn't even make sense. And what was it: the week for heartbreak? Maybe it was a national holiday that we knew nothing about.

"She said I thought about you too much."

I did a double-take. What? As in he was my best friend and he thought about me or…? No way. I couldn't do this. I couldn't deal with my life. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Taru, what the hell do you mean?" I asked in a voice a lot calmer than I felt.

There was silence between us for a long while. I opened my mouth to ask the question again, but before the words were out of my mouth, they were forced back inside by Wataru, my best friend of eleven years, and the most heterosexual person I know, leaning forward and kissing me directly on the lips, for the whole world to see.

"Um," he coughed, pulling back a second later. "That's what I mean."

My mind was in overdrive. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I'd always kind of had a crush on Wataru, but I'd never loved him and I'd never though of doing anything remotely sexual with him, especially since I met Jake and fell completely, irrevocably in love.

But there were worse things than being involved with someone like Wataru and he would be supportive when I decided to tell him that I was pregnant… and that Jake and I were no longer exactly together.

"I'm sorry," he added. "I shouldn't have done that. You have Jake and all–"

"Actually," I interrupted, "with all due respect and all, I don't have Jake anymore."

He stared at me while he let this news sink in. "What? I mean, you guys were perfect…"

"He decided that he no longer needed just me," I said, bluntly. "So I moved out. I've been living with a teammate for the last few days. That's where I've been. I have no idea where Jake would have disappeared to, except that he's a sniveling, cowardly asshole, so he's probably found some place to hide for the time being."

"Wow," Wataru breathed out. "I don't… know what to say…"

"Then don't say anything. I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I've been trying my damnedest the last few days to completely forget about it."

"Okay," he said.

A calm silence passed over us, the distant sounds of the city distracting us. I didn't love Wataru, not like I loved Jake, and I never would, but it couldn't hurt to pretend, right? I'm sure Wataru would enjoy that. He would take anything. And I was desperate for _something_.

"Let's go see Estelle," I said. "I'm sure she'll have some sort of comfort food."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_Kira," a voice whispered. Slowly, the face belonging to the voice appeared. _

"_Dustin," I said in a choked voice. _

_He wrapped his scrawny arms around me in a tight hug. "I can feel your pain. Please, please, come see me. I can't stand knowing that you are hurting like this. We love you."_

"_I know."_

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

We won our game that night, and the next night, no problem. A couple days later, I was walking out of the stadium the back way to meet Wataru so we could go back to Estelle's together. She had welcomed us into her house. Even though Wataru hadn't done anything besides that one kiss I knew he wanted to, but I think he was waiting for me to make the first move.

I didn't think much about walking that way; it was the way I'd always taken. But when I suddenly looked up, I wished I would have just braved the media.

Jake was blocking my way.

I gave him the finger and attempted to push past him, but he wouldn't have it. "Kir, just listen to me–" he started, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't you fucking call me that!" I bellowed, slapping his hand away. "You can go straight to Hell. I don't have anything to say to you."

If the completely shocked look on his face was anything to go by, I'd say that he wasn't expecting such a violent reaction. Well, welcome to reality. I yanked the ring he'd given me off my finger; the ring that had meant so much to me and obviously nothing to him; the ring that made me fall even more in love with a man who never gave a damn about me. And then I threw it at him – and it nailed him right in the side of the head and clattered to the ground, loudly.

"It's over, Jake," I said, unwanted tears dripping down my face. I wiped them away. "I don't know why I ever thought you cared. Don't come looking for me. Ever. And give that goddamned ring to some other sorry sap who's dumb enough to give you his heart on a silver platter. Or is that what you've already done? Tell me: how many men have had that ring before it came around to me?"

He looked almost beautiful standing there, bright blue eyes watering up. "I never lied to you–"

"Save it for someone who cares," I hissed and pushed past him, not looking back to see the tears falling down his face.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I sprinted up to Wataru who was waiting by his car. "Drive," I said.

It was only when we were safely on the highway when I put my head in my hands and sobbed. And as I cried, I couldn't help but think about the child growing inside of me and wishing that its father wasn't such a complete ass. I realized then that Kyuubi was right: I didn't want to lose this child. I wanted him or her to know that they were loved.

But I could ignore it for awhile longer.

Wataru stayed quiet until he pulled up in front of Estelle's house and put the car into park. Then he said, "I don't even have to ask, do I?"

I didn't reply except to lean over to his side of the car and crash my lips against his in a desperate kiss. For awhile, he completely lost himself and took over. But then he suddenly pulled back and put his hands on my shoulders. "I can't… do this, Kir. I can't take advantage of you like this."

"Please," I breathed, my voice begging him to do this. I needed him right then, more than he could ever realize. I didn't care if I didn't love him. He was my best friend and that was more than enough.

He opened he car door and pulled me through. "Fine."

We stumbled through the front door and into the bedroom we'd been sharing in Estelle's house. All the lights were off and we didn't take the time to turn them on. The only light we had was the moon. I pulled off his clothes and he tore off mine. And then we were ravaging each other. Hands and tongues were everywhere.

For a moment, I could forget. And it was better than all the other times I tried to forget.

"Take me," I begged.

"I don't have… anything…" he said, meaning condoms or lube.

"It doesn't matter."

"What if you get–"

"I won't. Just take me."

There was no more protesting. He stretched me very quickly and then slammed into me. I arched against his body, moving with his rhythm. He went fast, he went slowly. We were both experienced in sex, so it lasted a long while before I came and he released himself in me.

It was the first time I remember being filled with someone's essence.

I felt like crying, but I didn't. I was stronger than that. Instead, I rolled over into his arms and snuggled against him, our bodies still stilly with cum and sex.

"Thank you," I muttered before falling off into an exhausted sleep.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Well, there you have it. Wataru fans, I hope you liked it, even though it was angsty. I apologize for this chapter not being as long as some of the others, but at least I updated, right?

So, please, please review. I'm begging you!

P.S. This hasn't been edited because I wanted to get it up. I will do that later.


	12. So What Now?

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Twelve:** So **What** _Now?_

**Babblings:** MY FAMILY IS DRIVING ME INSANE. –coughs- Yeah. So I'm in Hawaii right now attempting to enjoy a vacation and my extended family is _making me want to shoot someone_. So to get rid of that urge, I went out of my way to type you guys up a chapter (while on vacation). Don't you just love me?

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The feeling of having to wrench oneself out of strong, comforting arms in order to get to the bathroom before you puke out the meager remains in ones stomach is not one that most people would like to have – ever. Especially when said person is not even awake enough to see where they are going without running into something.

I really did barely make it to the old, porcelain toilet that morning, and it was everything I could do to keep from crying. I didn't know if hormones kicked in this early, but that's what it sure as hell felt like. Then again, most people feel emotional when they are extremely sick to their stomachs and no one cares. Except…

Suddenly, someone came up behind me and pulled back the hair from my face as I finished dry-heaving. When it finally decided to stop, I pulled away from the toilet, wiping a string of saliva on my bare arm and looking up into the eyes of my comforter. Then I let out a rather bitter laugh and said, "I bet I look just smashing right now, don't I?"

Wataru didn't look amused – but he did look rather sexy, standing there with only a loose pair of sweatpants hanging off his hips. God, my mind was such a mess. I couldn't even concentrate on the fact that I would probably have to tell him before we got too deeply involved… Oh, wait, it was kind of too late for that, huh?

_I'll give you ten guesses…_

"The bastard got you pregnant, didn't he?"

Wow, he got it on the first try. _Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner!_

"How'd you guess?" I asked, sarcastically. "Was it the excessive puking for no apparent reason or the fact that I am nearly crying like a baby?"

"I'll kill him."

"Oh, that won't be necessary. I heard from someone wise that it's better to let one live with his own cowardice than kill him and take away all his suffering."

"You made that up."

"Yeah, but it still sounds good."

"Have you been taking drugs?" he asked, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. "I'm being serious here. Does he know?"

"No, he doesn't fucking know," I snapped. "And I don't plan on telling him, either." That asshole would never know that I got pregnant, not even if my life depended on it.

"Does anyone know?"

"You do."

I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the dream I'd had a few nights before. Maybe I should go see Destin. He'd understand and he wouldn't go blabbing off to my parents…

_Breathe, Kira. _My mind really was a mess. I needed to get everything back in line, back where it should be. I never acted like this. I don't have a sick, sarcastic sense of humor.

"Whatever," I said a moment later. "It's five in the morning. I'm going back to bed for awhile." And that's precisely what I did. Wataru followed me and pulled me into his arms once again, enveloping me with a sense of warmth and protection.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_Kira, are you going to listen to me now?" _

_I glared at the woman standing in front of me: my grandmother, Kyuubi. "I still hate you," I said. "And I really, really wish that you hadn't put me in this position. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to say goodbye to Jake? Especially when I am carrying his kid, thanks to you." _

_Her piercing gaze caught mine, but I didn't look away. I wasn't going to lose this staring contest – but she wasn't either. "So I take it that you are going to listen to me now?"_

_I huffed, crossing my arms, and nodded stiffly. "I don't really have much of a choice, do I?"_

"_You always have a choice," she shot back. "It's human nature." _

"_Why can't you just leave me alone? I was perfectly happy until you came along."_

"_This isn't my fault, Kira!" she hissed, angrily. "Do you think you are the only person in this world who is suffering?"_

_I'd never seen her like this before, so caught up in a rage. I vaguely wondered what she had been like way back when she was really alive and really out of her mind. And then I suddenly remembered something from a long while back: a memory of Kyuubi telling me something. She had killed Jake's father._

_I put my head in my hands and let out a groan; maybe it was better this way. Maybe Jake and I just really weren't meant for each other. _

_Just like that, her temper leveled out and she placed a claming hand on my shoulder. "Sorry, Kira, I shouldn't have done that. I won't tell you what to do now, except that I won't have you kill that child." And then she waved a hand over my eyes – and I woke up._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

After a second episode of morning sickness, Wataru helped me down the stairs so I could fill my stomach up with something that didn't make me want to puke. He searched through Estelle's refrigerator before stepping back and handing me a spoon and a container of banana yogurt. Lovely. At least it sounded good.

"So what now?" he asked as I licked the lid, the best part.

"What now what?" I asked, just to be patronizing.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah," I said, rather reluctantly. "I plan on finishing out my one and only professional basketball season and after that I have no plan."

He let out a long sigh that kind of reminded me of a parent when they are getting annoyed with their child. "Are you sure that's safe?"

"Taru, listen to me: I don't want this child. In fact, I'd be happy if it just disappeared, but trust me when I say that it's not going anywhere soon. At least not in the next week or so."

You could have heard a pin drop as Wataru glared at me while rubbing his temples (which actually ended up looking kind of cute). After a few minutes of awkward silence, he said, "Well, this sort of messes everything up, doesn't it?"

I laughed. "Kids generally do that."

"I think you should go see your family. At least Destin. I know they miss you."

"You don't know any such thing."

"Kira, your family loves you!" he yelled, louder than he meant to, I think; I hope. "Why are you being such a dumb-ass about this whole thing?!"

Something about this seemed so wrong. Wataru yelling, calling me a dumb-ass. It just wasn't something I could deal with right then. But I didn't want to yell back, to make it worse. Somehow, I managed to calm my temper. Instead of yelling, I stood up and threw the yogurt container away and went out to the little porch Estelle had attached to the front of her house. I sat on the step and pulled my knees up to my face, rocking back and forth in a calming manner.

The front door opened, but I didn't turn to see who it was, figuring it was probably Wataru. To my surprise, it was Estelle, wearing another one of her flowing dresses, who sat down next to me.

"Wataru was going to come out," she said, softly, "but I told him not to." She put her arm around my shoulder and pulled my against her in a warm hug, the exact thing I needed at the moment. At times like these, she really reminded me of Katherine – and it made me happy. "I'm here to listen if you want to tell me."

I did want to tell her actually, right then, more than anything, but I didn't know how she would react. If she kicked us out, Wataru and I would have to find a new place to live – or find our own. But when I looked into her eyes and saw her completely open gaze, I knew I could tell her anything.

"You know of Kyuubi, right?" I asked, launching into the story I never got around to telling Jake after a year of being together. "Well, she is my grandmother, and her son, Naruto, is my dad. Because of some weird twist of fate, she passed on some of her strange genes to my dad and–" here I took a deep breath "–he was able to get pregnant with my brother, Destin, after a one-night stand with my other father, Sasuke Uchiha. I'm sure you've heard of him, too." I paused for a moment, waiting for some sort of freak-out, but it never came. Estelle just nodded for me to go on."

"Anyways," I continued, "after some time and some heart-ache, my parents ended up back together and then I came along. But because of me, my Daddy fell into a coma for nearly three years and when he woke up, my other dad was getting kissed by a jealous suitor. A few days later, said jealous suitor kidnapped me and my brother and he… raped Destin right in front of me, which lead to my brother sinking into a deep, dark depression for years and years where he didn't say anything and did nothing except sit in front of the piano for days on end. He's a brilliant musician; brilliant in general, actually. But he went off to high school and met someone and now he's all fine and dandy with two kids of his own, because he also inherited that dumb gene from Kyuubi.

"You have no idea how much it sucks being around brilliant people all the time. Even my two little twin siblings know how to play an instrument and so does my nephew. But me, I'm just average at absolutely everything. Except basketball. And no one in my family cares about sports. They never came to even one game. In fact, I'm pretty sure they didn't even know I liked to play basketball. So I ran away with Wataru because I couldn't be there any more and at first it was great. I found a job and Jake and I fell in love with him and I thought we were going to be together forever, because when I was with him everything just felt so _right_." In spite of myself, I was biting back sobs, but I managed to go on. "One night we came back early from a game and I found him with his tongue stuck down some random guy's throat. I packed my stuff and left. And I slept around to ease the pain. Even with Wataru. But I… I'm…" Tears were leaking down my face now; Estelle brought me closer. "I'm pregnant with Jake's kid."

Estelle rocked me back and forth as I cried and cried, unable to hold back. I'd never told anyone all of that. She was the first. And she wasn't running away; she wasn't calling me a freak of nature. She was holding me much like my Daddy used to when I was a little boy. That's what I felt like now: a little boy; small and insignificant, just looking for someone to tell him everything is going to be all right, even if it's not.

We sat there for a long time. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. It was enough for her to be there; to listen to my story. "Thank you," I whispered.

"You are welcome, Kira. Everything is going to be all right."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The week went by in a blur of basketball games and late nights with Estelle and before I knew it, it was the night of the championship game. As I sat in the locker room with the other guys, giving them high-fives and swatting them with towels, I realized that after this night, my career with them would be over. My escape would be gone. I would have to find some other way of forgetting what was going on. I was already starting so gain a few extra pounds which were beginning to show on my usually-perfect stomach. It was kind of annoying because I had no idea how far along I was.

Before the game started, I stepped into Coach's office. His face brightened when he saw me. "What can I do for you, Aki?"

"I just came to tell you that I won't be able to play for you next year. I have sort of a… family crisis."

He frowned and asked, "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure, unfortunately."

"Well," he said, holding out his hand for me to shake, "if you ever want to play ball again, there will always be room on this team for you. We could have never made it this far without you. It'll be sad to see you go."

"Thank you, sir," I replied, taking his hand and gracing him with a rare, genuine smile. "I'll remember that."

When we walked out onto the court, I didn't look up in the stands to see if anyone I knew was sitting in their usual spot, though I knew Estelle and Wataru were up there, somewhere.

Over the last few months, the guys on the opposing teams never got shorter and I never grew taller. They thought they knew all my moves, but in truth they didn't know a thing. I never ceased to surprise them.

By halftime, we were up by six points and I had no plans of losing the last game in an undefeated season. No one else did, either. So we picked it up a notch, coming up with energy we never knew we had, shooting three-pointers and all-out crazy shots.

We won by nine points.

I had never heard such cheering in my entire life and it felt wonderful.

Before I could head back to the locker room, though, I ran into someone of the court. (I have no idea how she managed to get down there.)

"Nina," I said with a small smile.

"I heard what happened," she stated, giving me a big bear hug.

"Yeah," I said, hoping she wouldn't go into detail. "I don't know what to do now that this is over."

"Maybe it's time to go back to your family."

"Maybe," I replied and suddenly I knew what to do.

"Great job out there. I better be going. It's crazy down here. If you ever need me, I'll still be around, right where I always am." With that, she gave me a big smile and disappeared into the crowds.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"What are you doing?" Wataru asked when we arrived back home.

"Packing, obviously," I replied, shoving some shirts into my duffle. I looked up at him, finding myself once again fighting back tears and blaming it on hormones. I picked up a sweatshirt off the floor, one I'd accidentally taken from Jake's apartment when I'd left. Putting it to my nose, I inhaled its rich scent, the scent of the person I'd fallen in love with. In spite of my better judgment, I put it on and pulled it over my skinny jeans that I still managed to fit into.

I handed Wataru a slip of paper with the address of where I was going to be staying. "I have to leave for awhile, Taru," I said as I packed the last of my belongings and slung the bag over my shoulder.

Wataru stepped closer to me until our bodies were almost touching. "I think I love you, Kira," he whispered, stroking my face. "I don't care if you are having his kid and I'm not asking you to stay, but I'll be waiting for you. Please don't forget about me." And then he tilted his head and kissed me.

"I won't forget you," I said when we pulled apart. And then I ran out the door and onto the street to hail a taxi. Just a few minutes later, I was on my way.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"This is it," I said to the driver, tapping him on the shoulder and handing him his money, getting out of the car.

I stood in front of the fancy apartment building for a long while, just staring up at it. I'd been there only a couple of times before, several years ago.

_What was I doing? _I argued with myself. I had no right to be here. I had failed everyone and the last person they would want to see was be. I was nothing but a big failure you'd been knocked up by his failure of an ex-boyfriend.

Somehow, my feet started moving on their own accord up to the service counter. "Um," I said, a little awkwardly to the lady behind the desk, "I need to visit room 308."

She nodded and picked up the phone. "Yes, you have a visitor. Should I send him up? Okay then. Have a good evening." When she hung up, she said to me, "Go ahead."

I walked up the stairs, just to waste time, in case I decided to turn back. I didn't, though, and before I knew it I was standing in front of the right door. Before I could muster up the will to knock, though, the door opened from the inside…

"Kira?" he asked.

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. Then I felt his scrawny arms wrap around my waist to hug me like my life depended on it. When he looked up at me, his bright blue eyes were shimmering with tears.

And then Destin took my hand in his own and said, "Welcome back."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Sappy, I know, but don't you love it? It's weird, but I hadn't cried once throughout this entire story until this chapter. Huh.

REVIEW!


	13. Destin

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Thirteen: **Destin

**Babblings: **Please, please, please, shoot me now. This is the second chapter I have written while getting tortured by my family. –hides from rampaging little cousins- Oh, just so you all know, I have gone through and edited "Looking In" and "Always You" to fix some minor grammar problems and inconsistencies. So go reread them! Now! (JK!)

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

As soon as Destin led me through the open door to his apartment, a little ball of energy, also known as Tal, threw itself at me with a force that nearly toppled me over. "Uncle Kira!" he squealed. I watched as Destin covered his mouth with his hands to suppress a giggle at the sight of his son and me.

"Nice to see you, too," I said with a slight smile, ruffling the hair on top of his perfect head.

"Where have you been?" the young boy asked, but Destin took him by the shoulders and put a hand over his mouth, eyeing me.

A few seconds later, Destin's husband, Kei, could be heard yelling from another room, "Des, who is it?"

"It's Kira!" my brother grinned.

A pause. Then, "What?" And he appeared around the corner. As soon as he laid eyes on me, his facial expression softened and he wrapped me in a huge, welcoming hug. I have always liked Kei. He's been like a second big brother to me. And he gave Destin back his life. Besides that, though, he really is impossible _not_ to like. He kind of reminds me of a big teddy bear, minus all the fluffy hair.

"Hey, Kira," he said, stepping away and giving me a friendly pat on the back. "Nice to see you." Then he turned to his husband. "I'll put him to bed." They shared this moment of near-telepathic communication and Destin nodded before Kei started to walk away.

Tal gave me another childish hug before following the retreating Kei like a little puppy.

"Are you tired?" Destin asked. "Because if you aren't, there's this coffee shop just a block away that is open all night…"

I knew what that was: it was an invitation for us to talk. Destin would never ask me directly. I think that was one of those traits he picked up from Katherine. By not asking, it makes it feel like it was really your idea, or something like that.

I don't want to talk to him; and yet, I do. If I don't talk to him now, I will end up telling him everything later, or sooner. Not that he can't already at least guess exactly what happened. I have too much energy to sleep and I can't say no to Destin's expectant eyes looking up at me. He has that effect on people. So I say, "I think hot cocoa sounds good," and he smiles while grabbing a large sweater from the closet that I assume to be Kei's. It must run in the family to want to wear other's sweat shirts.

A few minutes later, we are sitting in the back corner of this quaint, empty coffee house, sipping hot chocolate and not saying anything. He's waiting for me, though he knows I won't talk first. I have no problem waiting. Suddenly, he says something that catches me sort of off guard, though I know it shouldn't:

"Do you know how far along you are?"

I am suddenly reminded of the day when he first came home from boarding school and he told Daddy that he was pregnant with twins. Apparently Kyuubi didn't entirely pass him up. But he's lucky. He isn't the one with her stuck in his head.

"No," I whisper in a weak voice. He reaches a hand across the table to entwine our fingers and closes his eyes. For a long while, he doesn't say anything. I don't have any idea what he is doing, but I suddenly feel sick to my stomach and I have to bite my tongue to keep from puking. I think it's just nerves.

Finally, he opens his eyes and says, softly, "Thirteen weeks." And I don't know how he can do that, or how he knows, but he is never wrong about stuff like this. So I try to think back just under three months to figure out what I may have been doing to let this happen, but nothing sticks out in my memory. It must have been just another drunken night. It makes me sick to think that I can't even remember the night we conceived this child I have to carry.

My shoulders slouch against my chair. He can read my body language: I'm overwhelmed. Maybe I shouldn't have come back; he doesn't need to know about how much I have fucked up my life.

It's too late to turn back now. He will not judge me; he's my brother. He loves me – and I need help. "I just…" I choked out. "I really… needed my big brother. I can't do this by myself."

He smiles at me sadly and squeezes my hand some more, in a comforting manner. "I'm so happy you decided to come back."

"Can you not tell the rest of… everyone that I'm back yet?" I begged with pleading eyes. "I can't deal with them yet. I just want to talk to you…"

"I wasn't going to, Kir. I know you will go to them when you are ready."

Which may not be ever. I don't know if I could ever meet their faces again.

"It must be a family curse to have a kid before the age of twenty," I joke, bitterly. And yet, I find my hand drifting to my stomach, thinking about the life growing in there, and for the first time I don't think of it as some sort of freak of nature, but as a miracle. In spite of everything, it was conceived in love – my love.

Destin is staring at me, not in a weird way or anything, taking in my movements, once again waiting for me to start talking. And all of a sudden, I want to talk. I want to let it all out; to tell him what I have been feeling this entire time.

"I left because I'm not you, Destin. I'm not musical. I'm not a genius. I'm just me. And everyone else in our family is special, too. It felt like no one ever cared about me, like I got overlooked." He looked like he was about to say something here, but I continued before he could. "And I thought that everything that went wrong was my fault. I thought that if I had never been born no one would miss me, and Daddy hadn't have been in a coma for three years, and you wouldn't have gotten raped because Dad would have never met that man."

"Kira!" he said, rather loudly before I could go any further. "I can't believe you. That's ridiculous. Everyone would miss you. None of that is your fault. You couldn't have changed it. And even if it was, I'm better now. The dreams are gone."

"Yeah, but they aren't for me."

Destin stares at me and a moment later, after he has time to process what I just said, he whispers, "Why didn't you say anything to me?"

"Well in case you didn't notice," I say, sounding angrier than I meant to, "you locked yourself up in that goddamn room for five years and didn't say a thing to anyone and then when you did start talking, they sent you off to school. After you graduated you had a kid and got married. So explain a time to me when I would have told you."

Tears are rolling down his cheeks now and I'm trying to figure out why I am saying this, because it isn't accomplishing anything except hurting him. But he needed to know – and I am telling him everything.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I don't mean that."

"Yes you did," he says, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. "But I can take it. I want to know. I want you to trust me, so you will tell me anything."

I let out a long sigh and continue. "I started playing basketball when I was still really little and by the time I hit high school I was really good, amazing, actually. But no one in our family cared. Katherine was the only person who came to all of my games and constantly rooted me on. Everyone else… I don't even think they knew I liked to play. It just… it felt like when you were still around, you were on the top of their minds and after you left, the twins were born and then they took up all their spare time. And I was just this little person in the background who they fed and put to sleep and not much else." Thinking back on it, I don't know if any of that was true or not. Teenagers always feel like victims, or so they say.

"Our parents love you more than you could ever know," my brother said. "They were completely devastated when you disappeared."

"Maybe," I mumbled, unsure of everything at the moment. I didn't want to go into that. "So anyways, one night when I was with Wataru, I told him I was leaving because I was sick of it there and he said that he was coming with me. Two days later, we found ourselves in Konoha and we met this guy named Loki who let us sleep in his house for awhile. He took us to this bar that I ended up working at. There I met this girl named Nina, who I ended up sleeping with that night, and Jake, who I ended up dating and moving in with." I had to close my eyes to stop the tears from coming. "He was like this dream. He was everything I wanted. We could basically finish each other's sentences and I wore his clothes and everything was perfect. I thought we would be together forever, you know? I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone else in my entire life. But one night I came home and he was kissing someone else. Just like that. I had no warning it was coming. And I had just found out that morning that I was pregnant. I took my stuff and left and I slept with this random old man, like some slut. And I slept with this other guy and now I slept with Wataru. And I just feel like some gigantic failure, because I never finished high school and I took Wataru away from his mom and I'm pregnant with nowhere to go…" My voice trailed off, because I knew I was babbling and getting nowhere fast.

"Kira, do you never go out?" Destin asked. "Because I think if you went out at all or watched TV at all you would realize that you are the farthest thing from a failure."

I blinked. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, Kei loves basketball and he's recently gotten Tal into it," Destin stated. "They were all excited one night about the opening game of the Konoha basketball season. Then your face suddenly came onto the screen and I about had a heart attack. There was this huge deal being made about this new rookie that apparently was only eighteen and a little over a hundred pounds – that was you! Admittedly, I never knew you liked to play basketball…" (Point made.) "…but I never missed a game of yours. You are amazing, Kira, beyond amazing. No one has ever seen basketball like that, let alone by someone of your age and size. But nobody knows anything about you. Apparently, you always manage to disappear. But people are saying that you are going to be Player of the Year, or whatever it's called. No one has ever done what you did with a team, Kira. Wait a second."

He stood up and went over to the newsstand, coming back a moment later with the newspaper and a few magazines. My picture was on the front of every one of them. I guess I really do need to get out more.

"You aren't a failure," he repeated. "You can stay with us. We are in the middle of buying a house and everything, so you will have to sleep on the couch for now, but I won't let you go through this alone. And I will find a way to beat this Jake guy's ass."

The thought was almost funny. Jake could squish Destin with his pinky finger.

"I have a question, though," Destin ventured. "How were you able to talk with me when we were dreaming?"

"Oh," I said, "It's Kyuubi."

"Kyuubi? You mean, our grandmother? The one that makes us…"

"The one and only. At the moment, she is kind of dead, kind of not and she is constantly in my head, but I've gotten okay at tuning her out. She decided that she liked me best, so she gave me this weird gift." I let out a yawn. The clock on the wall read 1:13 a.m. It was more than time for bed. Before this whole pregnancy thing, I could stay awake forever, but now it seemed my body needed more sleep. And I didn't know how long it would be until I started to experience symptoms other than morning sickness.

Destin stood up, taking my hand and wrapping his arms around me, giving me the biggest hug he possibly could. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, Kira. But I will be now. I won't make that mistake ever again. Thank you for telling me." We stayed like that for a long while. I breathed in his sweet scent, reveling in this moment that I had been secretly longing for for such a long time. After awhile, he broke the silence. "We should go. Ayu is probably up already."

"Ayu?" I asked, confused.

He smiled his completely lovely smile and said, "The newest edition to our family."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

As soon as Destin opened the door to their apartment, the loud sound of a crying baby greeted our ears. Destin didn't even bother taking off his shoes before running down the hallway to the nursery. I followed him, quietly and more slowly. By the time I reached the room, he was rocking back and forth, singing softly to the little child in his arms.

I don't know why Destin ever had any doubts about being a parent; he was made for this. He was the best parent any kid could ever ask for. I observed him silently from the doorway for some time, listening to his wonderful singing, seeing the picture-perfect moment of him with the child he had bore into the world. I couldn't help but think that I could never be what he is for a kid. I never dreamed of having children when I was younger and now I was tossed into this and…

I was scared.

That's what it all came down to. I didn't think I could do this right.

"Come here, Kira," Destin said quietly, breaking me from my reverie. Cautiously, I took a step forward and then another and before I knew it I was standing in front of him, looking down at this _beautiful_ baby girl who was staring up at me with these huge blue eyes. She reached a tiny hand out to me; Destin placed her in my arms. Before I could stop it, a tear rolled down my cheek and splashed on her nose. She giggled cheerfully and tugged on my hair.

Destin was looking at me with this gigantic grin plastered on his face. "You'll be a good Daddy," he announced. "Kids love you."

"No, she just thinks I'm funny to look at," I replied

"Well, you know…" he teased and I couldn't help but smile just a tiny bit.

Destin took her from me a moment later when she fell back to sleep and laid her down in the crib. I looked over to the bed where Tal still slept peacefully and wondered how he managed to sleep through all that wailing. Maybe it was just a kid thing.

"Come on, I'll get you some blankets to sleep with."

The couch was in his study, the room where he did all his composing. It was the most comfortable couch I had ever laid upon. Quite seriously. In fact, I'd take it over most beds. Destin gave me about four blankets – just in case – and a big, fluffy pillow, the same one I always used when I stayed over.

"If you need anything, just call me, okay, Kira?" he said with this very serious expression on his face. "I mean anything."

"Okay," I said, yawning sleepily. It was far past my bedtime. I took his wrist in my hand and managed a smile. "Thank you for everything. You really are a good big brother."

"Don't mention it," he said, leaning forward and kissing my forehead. "That's what I'm here for. Sleep well." And then he left and I was asleep before I had time to get properly entangled in the quilts.

And, for once, I didn't have any dreams.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The day didn't start off well. I woke up to an upset baby and an upset stomach. I was so disoriented and confused that I barely made it to the bathroom in time before I puked up everything in my nearly-empty stomach. I didn't know how much more of this I could take before completely losing my mind. There hadn't been hardly anything lately that I'd been able to keep down. I needed to eat.

When I got back to the study, the smell of hot dogs drifted in through the window from the vendor on the street – and I had to run immediately back to the bathroom to dry-heave some more.

After I'd finished the second time, I buried my nose in Jake's sweat shirt, silently begging it to calm my aching stomach. Too my surprise, it did make it better. A few minutes later, I felt as though I could stand without being sick. God, why did I have to love him so fucking much?

I got dressed for the day and made my way out to the kitchen, hoping that whatever Destin was cooking in the kitchen was something I could handle: it was waffles. Yum. He smiled at me. "If you are anything like how I was, these probably sound pretty good."

"You have no idea," I muttered, taking a seat next to Ayu, who was happily pounding on her high chair. Tal must have already taken off for school.

Destin set a plate with a particularly large in front of me, complete with peanut butter and maple syrup, my favorite. I mumbled a rushed thank you and dug in like a starving kid in Africa would if they had something this delicious placed in front of them.

"Do you have any plans for today?" Destin asked while feeding Ayu from a jar of baby food, after I'd already finished my third waffle.

"I was going to maybe go to the mall," I said

Destin's face brightened up. "That's perfect. I needed to run there for some errands anyways. We can just take my car. Mrs. Higari next door said she could take Ayu for a bit."

As it turns out, Destin's car was a brand new convertible which he had just purchased a few weeks prior. Apparently, he just had this huge sale and decided that he could afford to treat himself.

It was awesome. I'd never ridden in something like that before. I can understand now why people want them so much.

Destin and I separated when we got to the mall, saying that we'd meet up when I was finished. I walked into the salon I had been going to since that first day with Nina and Jake. All the people in there knew me personally. I smiled a little awkwardly when Becca, a girl who worked there, asked me what I was doing with my hair.

"I'm going back to blonde," I said and she nodded, though she seemed disappointed.

An hour later, I looked into the mirror and –

I was me again.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. A whole chapter devoted to Destin and Kira. Joy! And there's another girl in the family!

REVIEW (please)!


	14. Enough

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Fourteen: **Enough

**Babblings: **So this story is _officially_ the longest chapter-fic (word-wise) I have ever written, as of the last chapter. It feels kind of nice, I guess. I think it's because I told myself that I would try to make all the chapters at least 3,000 words. Hmmm… anyways, yes, Kira is back to blonde. _Be happy._ Blonde does suit him, huh? 'Cause he's such an oblivious mess sometimes.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I'm not entirely sure if it's because of Kyuubi or my parents or simply 'cause that's the way I am, but I have always had a (nearly) flawless memory. Most of the time, though, I shut off the stream of memories, choosing instead to think of nothing or of something totally unrelated. But now, _now_, I don't stop it. I don't even try.

In my mind, I can picture the first time I ever laid eyes on Jake. He made my stomach go crazy with all these little butterflies, a feeling to which I was foreign to. I remember him leaning over the bar and saying, "It's a rare occasion to meet someone as beautiful as you." I have never thought much about love at first sight, but I think that's exactly what it was.

Then there was this other day, after I woke up from my first ever hangover. He massaged my sore muscles and said, "God, I barely know you, but you do these crazy things to me. Oh, Kira, you're so beautiful." And I nearly flipped out at him, because I had never had anyone call me that before and seriously mean it. But he _meant it_, then, at least.

I remember one night I asked him if I could try a cigarette. When I tried it, I hated it and I told him that he made it look so nice and he replied, "You make everything look nice."

Our first night together, my first night with another man, he was so gentle with me. He made me feel whole; comfortable with myself. I fit so perfectly within his arms. We were like two pieces of a puzzle sliding together.

The day he told me all about his past, he displayed an act of complete trust in me, one which I never returned. People don't pour their hearts out to just anyone. My soul hurt with his. I can't imagine what his childhood must have been like. Maybe I would do it over, if I could. I was just scared of him labeling me a freak. I was cowardly. In many ways, I wish I was more like him, more trusting in human nature.

All these memories of Jake, and so many more, are little treasures which I will always hold dear to my heart. They are mine; nobody else's. I do not hate him for them. I realize now that at one time at least, Jake did sincerely love me with his whole heart. But somewhere along the line, something went awry. Maybe it was me; maybe it was him. All I know is this: I will always love Jake. That doesn't mean I'm not angry or that I forgive him, nor does it ease my heart in the slightest bit. It is what it is.

I shake my head, coming back to the reality of me staring at my freshly blonde hair. I changed it to black so I could fit in with him and Nina (not that I had much choice in the matter, actually). And I loved it when I was with them. But now I had nobody to change for. I was entirely me again.

Paying, I went off to meet Destin.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"I miss your sense of humor, Kir." Destin had taken to calling me "Kir", I realized, something he had never done when I was younger. Before Jake, Wataru was the only person I allowed to call me that. But I kind of liked it when Destin said it. Everything that came off his lips just sounded so sweet.

"Destin, I have never had a sense of humor," I sighed, taking a bite of the fried rice I had ordered in the food court. People all around us were whispering. I guess we were both celebrities of sorts now. I don't know if people recognized me with my hair, but they definitely recognized Destin. Who knows what in the hell they were gossiping about. If we were lucky, maybe we would have our charming little picture on the front page of a tabloid by tomorrow morning. _What joy!_

"Yes," he smirked, "you do. It's kind of sarcastic." _That's humor?_ Destin had to be kidding me. That wasn't even funny. "And then sometimes you have this innocent, sweet kind of humor. It's like you aren't even aware that you are doing it."

"Maybe when I was, like, two." Quite honestly, I can't remember the last time I cracked a joke. I have never thought of myself as a funny person. Being comical wasn't really my forte, except inside my own head when it actually _sounded_ funny – or maybe just ironic. "Fine. Do you want to hear a dirty joke?"

He nodded, curiously.

"A boy rolled in the mud."

He giggled a bit and I rolled my eyes. "Wanna hear a clean joke?"

"Sure."

"The boy took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear another dirty joke?"

Here Destin raised his eyebrows, but nodded again. "Ok."

"Bubbles is the girl next door."

Destin burst out into a fit of giggles. That was the oldest joke in the book. And he said _I_ never got out. In spite of myself, though, I couldn't help but crack a smile at Destin laughing at such a ridiculous joke.

"There," he said through gasps for breath. "I got you to smile for me."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I still found myself bent over the toilet nearly every morning and sometimes well into the afternoon. Most of the time I just took care of it myself, because it was embarrassing and I hated for anyone to see me like this. Destin seemed to realize that, so he basically just left me alone until it was over.

One afternoon, though, when I was too weak to even stand up and crawl back into bed, he came in and I didn't have enough energy to protest when he put his hand on my forehead, wiping the stray hairs from my face. After I'd finished, I asked him in a soft voice if he could get the sweatshirt that was hanging off the arm of the couch. He came back in a few minutes later with Jake's old sweatshirt, a couple of pills, and a glass of water.

"These should help," he said. "They did for me." I quickly downed the pills and pulled the sweatshirt to my face, gently inhaling the lingering scent. Then Destin sat down on the floor beside me and gave me a gentle hug.

"I thought morning sickness was supposed to go away after the third month," I whispered. "I'm already past that."

"It usually does," Destin replied. "But it differs for some people. I'm sorry, Kir. I wish there was something I could do."

"You're already doing it." As soon as I finished that sentence, I bent back over the bowl to dry heave some more. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I muttered.

"When did you start swearing?"

I chose not to answer that question. It seemed rather pointless.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

After Destin had Tal, Kei went to college to become a school teacher. He now works at the same academy where he and Destin first met. He drops Tal off at Kindergarten in the morning and is gone the remainder of day. Destin, on the other hand, opted not to go to college and instead just compose music at home. (He makes far more than Kei doing this, anyways.) Thanks to the fact that Destin hardly ever had to leave the house, I never had to stay home alone with Ayu. Not that she wasn't completely adorable or anything, but it just reminded me more that I would have a little someone like her in not too long a time. I was already reminded of it due to the fact that I seemed to grow a little bigger every day, in spite of the fact that I could hardly keep anything down.

I had been staying with them for a few weeks, barely leaving the house and doing basically nothing, when Destin came up to me with those huge, innocent eyes, a question in his gaze. "Can you take care of Ayu for a few hours? I have to go to a meeting." he asked.

There was no way I could say "no". I mean, I was leeching off his hospitality. As much as I wanted to decline, I had no reasonable excuse. So I nodded and smiled and he smiled back and then launched into this long, breathless speech about what she liked and disliked and when she ate – and I barely caught a word of it because he was talking so fast.

And then he left, gracing me with a pat on the back.

And I was left all alone with the baby.

As if on cue, she started to cry. I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath, calming myself, before walking tentatively into the nursery. Babies, I have decided, are not very cute when their faces are all scrunched up and they are screaming. They are selfish beings, really.

I reached down into the crib and lifted her into my arms, patting her on the back a little awkwardly, and hummed little nonsensical tunes into her ear. My voice is nothing like Destin's, I don't think, but either way, after just a few minutes, she calmed down and looked at me with her large eyes.

I couldn't help but grin. And I rubbed my nose against hers, causing her to giggle, probably at me. I had no idea what I was doing, but apparently it was working.

We went out into the living room, where I laid her upon the blanket Destin had placed there and watched her bat around the dangling animals above her. For a long time, I just stood there, completely mesmerized with the beautiful child in front of me, the perfect mixture of two perfect, loving parents. Suddenly, I found myself biting back the urge to cry. Instead, I left the room momentarily to heat up a bottle for her.

The afternoon zoomed by. I played with her toes and sang to her and danced for her. It wasn't nearly as horrible as I had thought it would be. In fact, by the time Destin came back a few hours later with Tal, I had completely fallen in love with her.

Maybe, just maybe I could do this.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I blame my parents for giving me this unbelievably skinny body with absolutely no fat. There's no place to grow but out. I mean, seriously, I am only a little over halfway through my pregnancy and it already looks like I've swallowed a basketball. It's ridiculous. If I had a bit more muscle mass then maybe it wouldn't be this bad.

The morning sickness has mostly disappeared now, but I am starting to experience other symptoms, like cravings (I disgust myself sometimes, really; pickles and peanut butter _together_ is just too much) and back aches. I think I have adopted the hand-on-the-back-while-sticking-the-pregnant-tummy-in-the-air as my new favorite pose, because even though I looked ridiculous doing it, it relieved the pain in my back. And I was also going through some of those hormonal trips…

"Uncle Kira, what are you doing?"

I was standing front of the full-length mirror in the bathroom, gazing upon my horribly deformed body. What part of that needed explaining? It was quite obvious. So I stared at him incredulously.

He still didn't get it.

Thankfully, Destin poked his head in at that moment and shooed Tal away affectionately.

"Did you look like this when you were pregnant?" I asked.

He quirked an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like a fucking whale."

Then he laughed at me. He seriously _laughed at me_, which, I have to say, didn't exactly do anything to make me feel exceedingly better.

"Sometimes I really hate you," I huffed.

"Kira," he said, still giggling, "you don't look like a whale and before you go saying that you are fat, you aren't that either. You are pregnant. If anything, it makes you look all sexy and glow-y."

I cannot believe the word "sexy" just tumbled out of his mouth. I told myself to take a deep breath. I never acted like this. I didn't want dumb pregnancy hormones to get the better of me.

"Uh… thanks," I said, awkwardly.

He snorted. "Don't mention it. Really."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

From the balcony off Destin and Kei's room, I could see a view of the city skyline extraordinarily well. At night, especially, I loved sitting out there with a blanket and just thinking about absolutely nothing in particular.

Over the last few weeks I had managed to completely block Kyuubi from my mind. The dreams, also, for the most part, were gone. This hadn't been easy. At my request, Destin bought me a book on meditating. I poured over it, practicing until my head hurt. Some said you had to possess a strong mind to be able to meditate. I conquered it in only a handful of weeks. Kyuubi did nothing but haunt me lately. Although I felt rather badly about doing this to her, she brought me nothing but pain.

So instead of with dreams, I have begun using my gift in other ways. I found out that if I touch a person and concentrate, I can read their mind. I don't do this often. A person's head is their sanctuary.

In spite of myself, I can't help but wonder how Jake is doing – and Wataru. I'd left without much of an explanation to him. I was still confused, unsure of how to proceed.

I really wanted someone to wrap strong arms around me and pull me into their embrace right then. Sometimes, it was such an overwhelming feeling that it made me choke up with tears. I'm happy that I have Destin and his family with me, but sometimes I just needed a different kind of love.

A cold breeze ruffled my hair, breaking my thoughts. I pulled my blanket further around my slight shoulders, staring up at the night sky. That's one of the things I hate about the city: all the lights hide the stars.

Suddenly, I felt something inside of me: my baby's first real kick. I placed my fingers over the gentle arch of my belly and I couldn't help but wish that there was someone to share this moment with me.

The kicking stopped and I was still alone.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_Hello?"_ came the tired voice from the other end of the line.

"Hey," I said, unsure. "It's Kira."

Immediately, he sounded more awake. _"Kira! How are you? Is everything okay?"_

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just… There's something I want to ask you."

"_Can you ask me in person? I really want to see you."_

I let out an inaudible sigh and said, "Yeah. Where and when?"

"_Just come by Estelle's house any time. It's just me and her now and she's out with some friends for the weekend."_

"Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye."

"_Bye, Kira."_

After I hung up the phone, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back onto the couch, resting my tired eyes just for a moment. The baby hardly let me sleep any more, waking me up at all hours of the night with kicking and making me go to the bathroom.

I never went out now, because there was no way of hiding my baby bump, so this would be interesting.

"Des?" I asked. "Would you mind driving me somewhere?" I'd never gotten my driver's license and even if I had, I don't think I would be able to fit behind the wheel, at least that's what it felt like.

He turned around at his desk. "Yeah. Now?"

"Yeah."

He nodded his dark head, "Just let me grab Ayu."

We went out to his car and after I'd given him directions to Estelle's house, I managed to drift off into sleep, the baby leaving me alone for the time being. We arrived a short while later. I thanked Destin, telling him that I would be okay and would get a ride back from Wataru. Then I waddled (yes and yes I hated the fact that I had to walk like that) up to the doorstep and knocked on the door. I heard footsteps inside and a couple moments later it swung open.

"Hey." Wataru smiled at me and took my hand, leading me inside. Once inside, I let him take off my huge winter coat, revealing my gigantic baby belly. I flushed in embarrassment. I really didn't want him to see me like this. "Oh my god, Kir, you're–"

"Huge, I know," I interjected.

"Actually, I was going to say 'beautiful'."

He was either trying to make me feel better or he had completely lost his mind. I felt the farthest thing from beautiful at the moment. "Sod it," I said.

"I mean it."

"Whatever." I took a seat on the couch I knew so well, stretching out in an attempt to relieve my sore muscles.

"So what did you want to ask me?" he inquired, taking a seat beside me.

Breathing in deeply, I said in a quiet voice, "I want you to be there."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"I want you to be there when I…" My voice trailed off and I blushed. I didn't even know how I was going to do it. Wataru's mother had been there for Destin and my Daddy…

"I was hoping you'd say that. And I already asked my mother if she would help you. If you need her, that is."

It took me a moment to process what he had just said to me. "You talked to your mom?"

He lowered his eyes and nodded his head. "After you left, I didn't know what to do, so I went back home. And my mom, she wasn't angry or anything. She understood. So I told her everything." At my panicked look, he added, "But she's sworn to secrecy. She's not going to tell your family or anything. And you won't have to go home. She said that she will come here…"

Silence settled over us, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I said, "Thank you."

"You really are beautiful, Kira," he whispered as he pulled me rather awkwardly into his arms, kissing the top of my head as tears fell. His arms weren't the ones I still longed for, but they were strong and careful and loving–

And they were enough.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** Um, wow, I have to say that this chapter left me rather speechless myself and I'm the one who wrote it. As to the joke that Kira tells, it really is one of the oldest in the book.

Please review. Your thoughts mean the world to me.


	15. Mommy or Daddy?

Far and Away

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Fifteen:** **M**o_m_m**y** o_r_ D**a**d_d_y**?**

**Babblings: **I would make up some excuse for not updating, but I'm too lazy. The truth is I've come into come serious questioning of my writing skills (or lack thereof). I almost quit, but I'm not a quitter. So, after listening to hours and hour of _Westlife_ (so shoot me) this chapter was birthed (pardon the pun). Hope it turned out okay.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Somehow, I once again got coerced into staying at Estelle's house. Destin said it would be better since that way I would be able to sleep in a bed. Wataru just wanted me near him (for obvious reasons). Estelle, well, (much to my aggravation) she thought I was "too cute for words". Unfortunately, in my current state, I couldn't bring myself to protest too awfully much.

I could, however, bring myself into a state of panic when, a few days later, Wataru's mom, Hinata-san, showed up on the doorstep. I had to drag myself to my feet when the doorbell rang, because Wataru was at work and Estelle had to run some errands. When I met her eyes, I found myself on the verge of completely breaking down. What could I possibly say to this woman? She had always been kind to me, like another mother. She was the doctor who had been so nice to my Daddy through many years. Never had she done anything for me to condemn her like she did. And yet I had wrenched her only son, her only _family_, really, away from her. Still she was here, now, completely willing to help me in this pathetic predicament I found myself in.

"I–" I started, stuttering. "I'm–"

"Kira," she whispered, the corners of her mouth lifting into a motherly smile I knew well, and placed a finger on my lips, cutting off my pathetic attempts at explaining. In just the slightest touch, I invaded her thoughts. Inside her, not even a small amount of hate or malice toward me could be found. "You don't have to say anything."

I have witnessed firsthand how cruel the world can be. I know what it's like to have my heart broken. At times, I think there is no such thing as real love. But then there are people like Hinata to remind me that not everything is bad, that love does exist. I deserved nothing more than to be shunned from her life forever. She could have said horrible things to me, screamed at me – but here she is, giving me a second chance.

"Come in," I said, my voice still not quite strong. Together (well, it was her, mostly), we carried the majority of her things from the car to the extra bedroom where she would be staying. Somehow, she had managed to talk some of her old friends in Konoha into letting her borrow some expensive medical equipment she hadn't been able to bring with her. I had no idea what most of the stuff was, but it looked pretty fancy.

After everything was safely inside, I awkwardly sat on her bed, waiting for something to happen. She set up her equipment in silence. After some time, I thought it would be better if I left, but she shook her head and smiled. "Just wait a few more minutes. I'd like to give you a proper examination. I don't imagine that you've had one yet. Though by the look of you, I think things are going along just as they should."

A deep blush rose to my features. I really hated it when people commented on how I looked. It wasn't as though I liked looking like a beached whale. And I most certainly didn't like the swollen feet, weird craving, backaches, constantly having my bladder kicked upon, etcetera. But then there were the light flutterings inside of me and the feeling of complete contentment knowing that I was going to contribute a life to the world – not matter where it came from.

"You almost look like your Daddy when he was carrying the twins," she added. My eyes, I bet, grew into the size of large saucers. I'd never thought of that. _Twins?_ No, no, no. Absolutely not. Hinata just laughed. "Don't worry. I don't think you're actually having twins, Kira. I just think the other Dad had large genes and you have a very lean body."

I let out a deep sigh of relief.

A few moments later, Hinata sat beside me on the bed, and gently asked me to lift up my shirt. She then rubbed an extremely cold gel on my bulging abdomen and hooked me up to something. Then, a picture popped up onto Loki's old computer.

My breath caught in my throat and it felt as though my insides were turning into knots as I bit back tears. There, on the screen, was the unmistakable life form growing inside of me, proof of my love for Jake.

"I told you there was only one," Hinata said, placing her hand on top of my own, obviously realizing that I was upset. She examined the screen a little longer, unspeaking, before unhooking me from the machine and laying me back on the bed. "I'm just going to poke around a little bit. It might be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt."

I leaned back, closing my eyes, trying to relax, trying to make this less real. She poked and prodded around my stomach, occasionally pressing what I assumed to be a stethoscope against my bare skin. "He has a very strong heartbeat."

"He?" I whispered.

"Yes. It seems as though the tradition of boys in your family is going to continue at least for a little while longer."

She wasn't helping me at all in making the reality of this go away. It was real, though. I couldn't wish it away. I couldn't take it back. In just a couple more weeks, I would be a single parent – with a little boy.

"Everything seems to be going well," Hinata said at long last. "But there is one problem we may run into."

"What is that?" I asked, worriedly.

"It seems that while you have inherited the ability to carry children, you didn't inherit… um… wide hips. Both Destin and Naruto have distinctly feminine, child-bearing hips, while yours on the other hand are narrow and more… boyish. We may run into… complications."

"So what are we going to do then?" I was starting to become more scared than I already was about the whole going-into-labor thing. Now this?

"If you give me your permission, I would like to be prepared to do a cesarean section. I'd much rather you give natural child-birth, but you understand. I haven't ever done it to a male, but I am experienced with females. It should be the same…"

"Yeah," I interrupted. "I understand. You have my permission."

"My, my, my." Both our heads shot up towards the new arrival: Wataru. I quickly yanked my shirt back down over my belly, humiliation rising within me. No matter how many times he said I was beautiful (God, I really hated that word), this whole situation was just too embarrassing to put into words. "Don't be that way," he teased. "I think you're cute."

"Wataru, did I completely fail at raising you?" Hinata demanded, playfully, of course. "You don't even greet your own mother?" Inwardly, I laughed at a memory of Estelle and Loki doing nearly the same thing way back when we first met them. I had always wished I could be like that with my parents, but we just hardly ever found something common to laugh about.

Wataru chuckled and pulled his mother into a hug. She disappeared into his arms. Wataru's father must have been a very large man for Wataru to turn out like he did, physically anyway. He certainly didn't get his size from Hinata-san.

I sat, awkwardly, on the bed, legs spread too far to make room for my stomach, watching this scene unfold before me. A tug in my chest forced me to close my eyes and turn away. In the year and a half since we left, I'd only felt the pang of homesickness a handful of times and the majority of them had been in the last couple weeks as my due date became closer on the horizon. I wondered how they were doing. Certainly, if anything big happened, I would hear through Destin, but it was the little things that mattered to me right then. I wanted to know how Aurora and Rainey were doing in school; if the house was warm enough at night; if Dad had got any new, patronizing students; if Daddy had relaxed any rules for the twins and if Katherine was just as kind as always.

I wanted to know if they really missed me at all.

Warm, strong arms folded around my slight shoulders. I leaned into his embrace, unresisting. "You hungry or something, Kir?" he asked after a couple long moments.

"I'm _always_ hungry," I muttered, opening my eyes and noting that Hinata had left us alone. "He's very demanding of me."

"Come on, then," he said, standing up and gently helping to stand on unsteady, swollen feet. Leaning against him for balance, I noticed, not for the first time, that the top of my head barely reached his shoulder and that even though I looked malformed and large in my current state, he still made me feel impeccably small and safe. But it still wasn't the same.

"You know, I'm going to miss you being pregnant. You're awfully cute and helpless."

I punched him. I _wasn't_ helpless. My fists still worked as well as ever, and it would be best if he remembered that.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The kicking was worse than usual that night. I got up several more times than usual to use the bathroom, trying so hard not to wake Wataru. He needed sleep. But each time I left the bed, he roused and didn't fall back into slumber until I was once again safely curled against him in one way or another.

"Shhh, baby," I begged to him, softly, not loud enough for Wataru to hear. "It's okay to sleep. I promise." He continued to kick me in spite of my pleas and I cursed under my breath. I would have to put him in soccer as soon as possible – so he would learn to kick something else.

Attempting to ignore my baby, I nuzzled my nose against Wataru's bare back, inhaling his rich scent, noting its distinct difference from Jake's. I wondered if the baby would look like Jake or me, or a mixture of both. In some ways, I wished for him to look nothing like the man who had broken my heart. In others, I wanted him to look exactly the Jake, so I could be reminded of him whenever I looked at my child. Maybe I was foolish and naïve, but Jake's hold on me hadn't loosened in these past six months. I still loved him with every ounce of my being, although I was trying desperately to forget, for Wataru.

I was shaken from these thoughts by the feeling of kicking being transformed into a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. My hand shot down, clutching at the hem of my nightshirt, willing the pain to go away.

Suddenly, I was overcome with the realization of what was happening to me. These were contractions; I was in labor; I was going to be a parent.

_I was going to be a parent._

Self doubt washed over me like a wave. I couldn't do this. Tears appeared in my eyes and I wished right then that I could turn back time and go back to being that semi-happy, untouched boy I was two years ago.

But then the feeling disappeared and the contraction went with it. I _could_ do this. Kyuubi had given this child as a gift (against my wishes, of course, but nonetheless…). It was proof of my love for a blue-eyed, blue-haired, _beautiful_ man, who, at one time, made me feel like the most loved person in the world.

The contractions came and went for awhile. They were still far apart, so I let Wataru sleep awhile more before he panicked. I massaged my stomach, whispering comforting words to my still unborn baby boy. I thought of Hinata's words that I may have to get a C-section. I knew the risks were always higher, but there might not be any way around it.

I breathed deeply as another contraction hit me, thinking of anything but the pain in my belly. When it passed, I leaned over and whispered in Wataru's ear to wake up. He was so deeply in tune with my voice that he awoke without further prodding.

"Is something wrong?" he questioned, grasping my hand in his, not bothering to hide the worry in his voice.

"Not exactly," I said, giving him a rare, bright smile. "I'm in labor."

"What?" he screeched. "How long?"

"Awhile, but it's okay, my water hasn't broken yet. Just go wake up your mother, if she isn't already awake after your yell. I'll call Destin."

"Okay," he said, sighing and pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Panicking doesn't help anything, Taru," I explained. I was either going to be okay or I wasn't. Nothing either of us could do would change that.

As soon as he left, I reached for my cell phone and dialed Destin's phone, hoping I wouldn't wake either of his kids. It was, after all, just after four in the morning. The phone rang only twice before a groggy voice answered. "_Hello_?"

"Hi, Des, it's Kira. I need you here. I just went into labor."

Immediately his voice perked up and I could hear sheets rustling around in the background. "_Yeah, Kir. I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't let them do anything to you before I get there. Love you_."

"Thanks. See you then."

Estelle and Wataru helped me into the bedroom where Hinata was already getting her tools ready. I breathed deeply, calm completely coming over me even as I grimaced through another contraction. I was ready for whatever was coming my way. Pillows were placed behind my back, pants pulled off, and my knees propped up, exposing me to everyone in the room, but I didn't have it in me to be embarrassed.

Someone squeezed my hand and I looked up through eyes that were already blurring at Estelle. "You'll do great," she said. "I know you will."

"Thank you," I muttered.

"Kira," Hinata-san interrupted. "I'm going to go through with the cesarean. I don't want to risk the natural childbirth. I think it would be too dangerous for you."

I nodded my consent just as Destin barged into the room, hugging me close to him. He didn't have to say anything to me right then. His thoughts rang through my body, encouraging me. I would be okay. I had to be.

When he stepped back, Wataru took his place. He smiled at me and then claimed my lips in a gentle kiss. "I love you, Kir."

"I know," I replied, wishing that I could say it back to him, truthfully. "Thank you, Taru, for everything."

"Are you ready?" Hinata asked.

"Yes."

Then I felt her stick a needle in my arm. "Count to ten, Kira, and then you'll be gone."

"One… two… three…" I muttered, feeling myself already starting to drift off. "Four… five… six…" I couldn't keep my eyes open. "Seven… eight… nine…" I never made it to ten.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Slowly, I started to wake up. My eyelids felt heavy and my limbs seemed to be made of lead. I'd never been under amnesia before, but I assumed this was one of the side effects. I could hear people talking around me, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I tried to force myself from the stupor I was in, but there was no helping it. My head was too fuzzy to form any real thoughts yet.

It was a long while later before I finally opened eyes and tried to make sense of my blurry surroundings. I blinked several times and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I felt sore in every possible place, but it was mostly centered around my lower abdomen. Wataru's body came into view. No one else was in the room. It was then that the panic finally hit me. Was my baby okay?

The unmistakable sound of a baby's gurgling filled my ears and brought tears to my eyes.

Wataru finally noticed I was awake and jumped to my side. He smiled. "The new mommy is finally awake."

My drug addled brain took a moment too long to process what he said, but when it did, I protested. "I'm not a mommy!"

He laughed and reached into the crib (Estelle's contribution) and carefully handed me my baby boy.

He had faint wisps of brunette hair (that I'd only assume he'd received from Jake) and bright blue eyes: the perfect miniature of Jake. Except, he'd definitely inherited my nose. I graced him with a smile, finding myself fighting back tears. I couldn't believed I had, at one time, wished him away.

I carefully covered his tiny hand in mine, closing my eyes. Babies don't have words for thoughts, but they are overflowing with feelings. I could feel his love for me, the one who had brought him into this world. He knew who I was. Then that love changed and he started crying. "He's hungry," I said, looking up at Wataru.

"Your brother is making him formula right now." Wataru, it seemed, couldn't take his eyes off the two of us.

"Oh," I said, sending calming thoughts to my son. His crying calmed to whimpering. Maybe I would be better at this than I originally thought.

A moment later, Destin's head popped into the doorway. He grinned and handed me the bottle. I held it, a bit awkwardly, and fed my son for the first time. I couldn't help but feel completely, extraordinarily happy for the first time since I'd been with Jake. Babies truly were miracle.

"So if you aren't a mommy, then what are you?" Wataru asked, breaking the moment.

I glared daggers at him. "Don't even go there, buddy."

We all burst out in a fit of giggles.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Well then. There you go. Please, please tell me what you think. I hope it's not too horrid. The baby will be christened in the next chapter. I was gonna do it here, but that last line just seemed the best to end on. :)


	16. Home

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Sixteen: H**_o_me

**Babblings: **Everyone keeps asking me every chapter if Kira will ever see Jake again. Just so I don't have to keep telling you each individually, the answer is _yes_, he will eventually see Jake again, but you'll have to just keep on waiting awhile longer. There's a lot that has to happen between now and then.

My excuse for not updating this time: Life. It got in the way. And it's awfully hard to get around a giant who is demanding that you work and go to school and who might just cut your head off. Don't worry about me not finishing this. I can trick the giant every time. It just might take awhile.

Sorry about any spelling and/or grammatical errors. This hasn't been proof-red yet. I just wanted to post it.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The ceiling of the room was obscenely plain and boring. The white, lightly-textured surface stared down at me even as I stared at it. Soft white light filtered in through the drawn window; snow continued to fall from the heavens. It seemed as though it would be winter forever. My arms were folded behind my head, my legs crossed in spite of the slight pain it caused me. I'd always been stubborn and that little fact wasn't bound to change any time in the near future.

Then the sound of my baby crying infiltrated the silence and a little sigh escaped my chapped lips. Wataru sleeping next to me didn't stir in his slumber; not that I expected him to. My baby was my responsibility, not his.

I extracted myself from the bed with a wince and slowly walked over to the crib, lifting my crying baby into my arms. "Shhh," I whispered, cradling him close to my chest. From the vague smell I could tell he needed his diaper changed. I was quickly learning that babies were not the little angels they were shown to be in novels or sitcoms.

Even after I cleaned him and adorned him with a new diaper, he would not stop crying, although they were now less forceful than before. In an attempt to calm him, I quietly tip-toed to the living room and sat on Estelle's worn-out couch, my lovely baby boy squirming in my arms, staring out the windows at the snow-covered world. I placed my forehead upon his, sending calming energy through him. This resulted in a hiccup-y giggle and a grin. Already, his smile reminded me of Jake's; of that smile he always saved exclusively for me.

I kissed his nose and whispered soothing things in his ears, rocking my arms slowly. Within a few short minutes he was fast asleep again.

It had been three days since his birth – and I had yet to bless him with a name. I knew the name he would receive in my head, but hadn't been able to say it out loud yet. I had to take this one step at a time. If I let things happen too fast, I just knew the inevitable would happen: I would snap.

Suddenly, my keen ears picked up the sound of footsteps coming in from behind. They were too loud to be Estelle's or Hinata's so they could only belong to one other person.

"Is he keeping you up?" His sleep-ridden voice drifted into my ears.

"No," I replied quietly, so as not to wake him. Wataru stood in front of me, running a hand through his bed head, and staring down into my eyes. "I couldn't sleep anyway."

He sat next to me on the couch, close enough for friends, but not quite close enough for lovers. That's how it had been with us lately: we were caught in limbo and neither of us knew quite what to say or do about it.

"He still needs a name," my almost-lover pointed out, his voice low.

"I know that," I said.

"Do you have one in mind?" he persisted.

I let out a rather annoyed sigh. "Yeah, Taru, I have one picked out."

"And…?" he prompted.

"Junry Jake."

Wataru sported a small, but sad smile. "It's perfect. Has a nice ring to it. I'm sure Jake would approve," he stated, a bitter tone to his voice.

"Yeah," I said, agreeing, ignoring the pain in my heart. I had pondered and worried so much about Junry's name. I realized some time ago that by naming him partially after Jake, Junry would always carry a part of his second father – the father who he was more than likely never to meet. "I suppose he would."

"You realize," Wataru started after a long moment of silence, "that I'm more than willing to help you raise him as if he were my own, right? I love you. I'm not going to leave you to get through this by yourself."

I didn't say anything right away, instead choosing to stare out the window at the snow-covered world. I remembered, in a memory that seems as though it was ages past, not just months, Wataru telling me that he would follow me wherever on whatever path I chose to follow. We had been best friends forever. I know that all those months ago, before we ran away, I liked Wataru as more than a friend. If all this had happened before I met Jake, I would have been happier than a cricket in summertime. But now, _now_, my heart belonged solely to someone else. No matter what I tried to tell myself, no matter how hard I tried, I simply could not bring myself to love him as he wished me to.

"I would like you to be around," I confessed at long last, "but raising Junry is my responsibility. I don't love you, Wataru. I tried to; I tried so hard, but I can't. I just…" My voice caught in my throat and I could say no more. I tried not to shake: I didn't want to wake Junry so soon after I put him to sleep.

It only took a couple short moments for me to feel two strong arms wrap gently around me, pulling my body as close to him as possible with squishing the baby. I controlled my shaking before I produced any tears.

"I'm okay with that," he whispered in my ear. "I just don't want you to completely push me away."

Leaning back and giving him a gentle smile, I said, "Wataru, no matter what we go through, you'll always be my best friend. Nothing will ever take that away from us."

Wataru sat in his silence, looking at me and my baby. His want to be a father was not unperceivable to me. I saw it in his eyes; I saw it in his actions. I couldn't change his mind for him. If he chose to be tied to me and Junry, that was his decision, but I was not about to be the person to hold him back from enjoying the rest of his life. He was too young for that.

I took his hand in my own, relaying all these thoughts and feelings to him without having to say a word.

"Let's go back to bed," I sighed at long last.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Junry's first real gift was from Destin: a fluffy teddy bear with chocolate brown eyes and a bright red bow. When I waved it playfully in front of Junry, his face broke out into a grin and he snatched a baby-hand out towards it.

"It was your first present," Destin explained and I stopped short. "Daddy had it set aside for you before you were born. He always wanted you to have it."

I choked on my words, but managed to get them out. "How did you get it?"

"We still go back sometimes," he said, face momentarily flashing with sadness. "The last time we were there, Daddy gave it to me and told me to pass it on to you if I ever saw you,"

Outside, the snow was lightly falling again, leaving little white puff hats adorning the fence posts surrounding the house. This winter, it seemed, was never going to end, and neither was the winter inside my heart. At least with ice, I wouldn't have to endure any more heartache.

"Well, thank you," I muttered, placing the bear on the edge of Junry's blanket.

"They will still welcome you back, Kir, you know that, right?"

"No," I said, back stiffening at the touchy subject. "Not after what I've done. I'm not going back there. Not yet."

Destin fell silent, his face contemplative, fingers curling and flexing to a rhythm only he could hear. The rocking chair in which he sat squeaked with every forward and backward motion, feet tapping on the floor, his own quiet symphony. I knew better than most that the music never ended with him; he thought in harmonies and melodies, each word said with the right emphasis, soft or loud, fast or slow. Life was a musical for him, an orchestra of unimagined proportions; sometimes I wished I could hear the music, too.

"You aren't alone in this," he said at last. "Daddy went through something very similar. He knows what it's like."

"Yes," I remarked, dryly, "but he and Dad are happily together now. Nothing will ever make me lower my self-integrity enough to run back to Jake. Nothing. So far as I care, I am Junry's only father."

"They love you."

"Who?" I asked, my brain trying to process the change in subject.

"Everyone," Destin replied. "Me, the twins, your niece and nephew, Kei, our parents, Katherine, Estelle, Hinata, Wataru, even Jake, though he deserves to rot in hell for what he did. Everyone loves you. And we all want what's best for you."

For once, I managed to snap my mouth shut before some vile retort came out. I let his words linger in the air and in my heart.

"You don't have to raise Junry by yourself," he continued softly. "You have us all around you, wanting to be part of this. Please don't sever yourself from us, Kira. This doesn't have to be as painful as it could be."

"So what do you suggest I do?" I asked, ears completely open.

"Take our apartment," Destin said, jumping at the opportunity to make a suggestion. "The rent isn't cheap, but it's worth it, and I'm sure you have some money saved by now. Our house is finished and we should be moved in within the next week or so."

I was about to protest, but he raised a hand. "Take Wataru with you. You know as well as I do that he would follow you to the ends of the Earth. I'll even let you keep the couch if you promise me one thing."

A sigh escaped my lips. "What?"

He grinned. "Don't stop talking to any of us. I realize you aren't ready to talk to our parents yet, but continue to keep in touch with me, and Estelle, and anyone else. We don't want to lose you."

Reluctantly, after some further persuasion, I agreed to all the above statements. But mostly just because I wanted that couch.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"I can't believe that after being out on your own for a year and a half this is all the stuff you've collected, especially after all the money you made."

I shrugged, pushing Junry farther up onto my shoulder. "I've never been a material person, Taru. You should know that by now."

Wataru rolled his eyes, placing my two boxes (a large one for clothes and a smaller one for assorted junk) onto the kitchen table. "Yeah, I know, but it's just hard to figure out how you didn't turn out to be a spoiled rotten brat," he teased, a faint glimmer lighting up his face.

"Hey, whatever, man," I said, chuckling. Now that he mentioned it, though, it was rather amazing I didn't grow up to be a snob. The twins on the other hand… Granted, I hadn't seen them in over a year, but they had been adorable brats way back when. For once, a thought from the past actually brought a smile to my face.

Junry whined, breaking me from my thoughts, and I held his bottle up to his petite mouth. His soft eyelids closed over his blue eyes, sucking on the tip in utter contentment. His life was so simple, I thought, completely revolving around eating, pooping, and sleeping. I wondered what it would be like to be him, even for a moment, to release myself from all this pent-up stress.

Wataru stared at me curiously, as though trying to figure out what was going through my mind. Instead of inquiring, he just said, "I'll go grab the rest of the stuff."

I didn't argue with him.

When Junry was back to being sound asleep, at least for the time being, I set him back into his carrier and set about putting some things away. Destin had graciously left a set of plates, bowls, glasses, and silverware for us to use, as well as some other assorted items such as toilet paper. For obvious reasons, basic necessities like that were the last of thoughts on my mind.

"It was really nice of Destin to do this," Wataru pointed out when he arrived back.

"You know Destin." He knew what I meant. Destin was one of those people who constantly had to be helping someone not as well off. It seemed like every day he gave some homeless old man a handful of money. He couldn't help it.

His eyes suddenly narrowed as he walked over to a side table Destin had also left behind. He picked up a newspaper, seemingly several days old. On the front cover was a picture of me and the caption "Basketball's greatest hero nowhere to be found." I actually had to laugh.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Wataru stated, laughing with me.

"No," I retorted, "I'm _famous_."

And then he kissed me, and just this once, I let him without fighting.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I was perpetually tired.

Wataru never woke when Junry cried in the night. I think I must just have a mother's hearing. It's not like I could blame Wataru for sleeping through the wailing of a baby. I'm still not quite sure how he did it, though, because Junry didn't just cry, he _wailed_. On the plus side, on most occasions I could get him calmed down and back asleep within a matter of minutes.

I wonder what Kyuubi would be telling me right now if I hadn't blocked her from my mind. I knew she was still there, unseen and unheard, unable to put in her two-sense about everything. She'd probably rant off some bull-shit about how I was a good parent, or needed to go see my own parents. Whatever.

Estelle, Wataru, and Destin all schemed together to get me out on my own for an afternoon, away from Junry. Hell, they basically kicked me out of my own apartment.

The snow was mostly gone now, dripping off buildings and structures and forming into icicles. Now, it was just frigid and I could attest to that what with being entirely wrapped up in about three sweaters and a winter coat on top. I didn't know where I was going, nor did I care. All that mattered, I realized, was that I was out of that stuffing building. I rarely went outside anymore because I was so busy with Junry. When I did, to go to the grocery store or whatever, I just felt so awkward walking around with a baby carrier. I mean, I was only nineteen-years-old. It was just so weird.

Eventually, I ended up in a little park-like boulevard of trees about two miles away from the apartment and my life. Sighing heavily, I leaned against the rough, cold bark of a particularly large tree and stared up through its bare, frozen branches and the grey and murky sky above – and I _breathed_. For the first time in as long as I could possibly remember, I forgot everything and just breathed, letting all my cares and worries float away into the air, curling out in front of me and then fading away.

On my way back, I stopped beside a man who was huddling beneath newspapers and a single, worn-out blanket. He didn't look up, too ashamed. This man had absolutely nothing, but he didn't want to give up his last shimmer of pride by staring at me and acknowledging that yes, he was a homeless man.

I sat beside him, right there on the frozen street corner, close enough to touch him. Still, his eyes stayed steady on the ground before him. I pulled off my huge, fluffy coat and wrapped it around his shoulders.

Then he ventured a glance at me, finally. I placed a finger on my lips, telling him to be silent. "Don't say anything about it. Just remember that it came from a friend."

When I turned to leave, I thought I saw a tear in his eye, but it was gone before I could take a proper look.

The walk home was colder, but I could hardly feel it because of the warmth in my heart.

I knew what I had to do.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you, Kir?"

"Wataru," I said, shouldering my backpack with one arm and picking up Junry's carrier with the other, "I'll be fine. This is something I need to do on my own."

"But it's a long train ride," he whined. I knew he wanted to come with me, for reasons I knew not, but this was something which, for once, I was not about to back down on. I was letting him stay near me, near Junry. We were living together. But this was one thing he could not do with me.

"If I end up staying longer than I think I will," I said, relenting slightly, "I'll call and tell you to come, but I'm not planning on being there more than a week. My life is here now, not there."

A monotone, feminine voice came over the loudspeaker to announce the last call for my train. Another wave of storm was coming and they wanted to get out and on the way before then. That's why I was taking a train. All flights had been cancelled. Jack Frost, it seemed, wanted winter never to end.

I sighed and gave Wataru an awkward, one-armed hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back before you know it, I promise." I didn't wait for a response before turning and walking past the waiting area to my train. Even without looking, I could see his lips in a cute pout, his eyes wide.

Shifting Junry's carrier from one arm to the other, I handed the conductor my ticket and found my seat. Luckily, the chairs were comfortable and they reclined, but Wataru was right: it was going to be a long trip.

Outside, the snow swirled and danced around the windows, covering the world once again in a blanket on snow. Looking made me lethargic. I made certain Junry was secure and fast asleep before I slipped into dreams. I let my barriers up the slightest bit. I could see my Daddy staring out the window of his living room, also watching the snow eddy downwards.

"I'm coming," I whispered and did not wait for a reply.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Almost twenty-four hours later, the train pulled to a lurching halt in front of a single building nearly buried beneath snowdrifts. Only one other man beside me stepped off and he didn't so much as stop to take it all in.

This was a place I hadn't seen for almost two years. Nothing much had changed. Nothing ever does in small towns and most of its people are happy to keep it that way. Inside, only a handful of people waited ancient benches, scratched and worn out by the wear and tear of travelers through the generations. A tiny gift shop and coffee place stood in the corner, but the lights were off and no one, it seemed, was at home.

I held Junry close to me, his tiny body wrapped in the warmest blanket I owned. He was awake, but barely. He had just been fed and changed. The next item on his list was sleep. I kissed his forehead and he made a faint and adorable gurgling sound. A pang went through me as he wormed his way a little deeper into my heart.

"Hush little baby," I whisper-sang to him, sitting down on one of the long pews. As soon as he was back asleep, I placed him gently in his carrier and closed the top.

For a long time I sat there, contemplating my next move and dreading it in my heart. There was no turning back now. I was here, an easy ten minutes' walk away from my family and the place I used to call home. The thought of calling and asking someone, maybe Katherine, to come pick me up crossed my mind, but in the end, I decided to brave the snow and the cold, further delaying our inevitable, awkward reunion.

Once I was sure Junry would be safe from the cold, I stepped out the front doors. It wasn't as frigid here as Konoha, but there was more snow upon the ground. Even so, it only took about eight minutes before I reached the end of the block. I could see the house in the distance, a large brown contrast to the white.

I trudged onward, fighting back the growing feeling of fear in my stomach. What if they didn't even want to talk to me? What if they didn't care?

It didn't matter. I stood at the entrance to the white picket fence, waiting; for what, I did not know.

Then it came: the slow sound of a door opening, that quiet screeching sound. He stood there, a dark silhouette against the door frame, his hair still the same as ever. Finally, he walked toward me, out the door and into the frozen yard.

Tears came to my eyes.

He stood only a foot away from me now, still much taller than I, and then he closed the distance.

There are some wounds that only a father's embrace can heal, a certain magic in the way he holds you even when you know you've done him wrong. Loving. Caring. Forgiving. Hopeful. For awhile, all fears are forgotten, all the pain taken away, because only a father can hold you like you are a child again, crying about monsters under the bed.

We might have stood there for hours, but it was probably only a matter of seconds before he stood back, cupped my face his large hand, and noticed what I was carrying.

He didn't say anything. My father had always been a man of few words.

Daddy was waiting just inside the door. I took one look at him and that's all it took for me to completely break down sobbing. I never sobbed. Ever. I set Junry down and latched onto my blonde-haired father as though my life depended on it. His small body molded against mine as he held me and rubbed my back.

"I'm so sorry," I muttered over and over again.

"Shh," he replied, stroking my hair with his slender fingers. Finally, I took control of my body again and extracted myself from him, my head lowered. "I'm so happy you came back, Kira," he said with a genuine smile on his face.

Junry chose that moment to start wailing. I took one last look at Daddy and my other father who was standing just a little ways back before sighing and lifting my son to me, turning my back to them. Sucking back the last of my sniffles, I pressed my forehead against his to see what was wrong: nothing. I sent calming feelings into him to make him stop. Within a few seconds, he stopped and looked up at me and our new surroundings. "Caaa," he cooed.

"Yeah," I whispered.

Suddenly, I felt two _beings_ throwing themselves at my sides and sending me slightly off balance.

"Aurora! Rainey!" Dad yelled from behind.

Ah, yes, there were the miscreants.

"It's _Kira_!" they exclaimed in unison.

I couldn't help but laugh – and when I did, all the tension in the room disappeared.

"Kira," said another voice and I looked up to see Katherine, older but still smiling brightly. She knew I'd be back.

I smiled. "Hey."

"Kira, Kira, Kira," the twins said, "who is that?"

The question was directed toward my son who they were both eyeing curiously.

"Erm," I started, eloquently. "His name is Junry. He's my…mine."

"Aaah."

My parents were standing next to each other now, my dad's arms laced around my daddy's waist, taking it in. Silence followed, but it didn't last long to make it estranged.

"I just took dinner out of the oven," Katherine said, a knowing look in her eyes. "Why don't we eat and then you can tell us all about it."

And that is precisely what we did.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** Obviously, not all their problems are solved, but at least I put them well on their way. I really hope this chapter turned out all right.

I actually stole Junry's name from one of my best friends (who would kill me if I ever used his name in such a context, so shhh, don't tell). As a side note, Junry's name is pronounced JOON-ree. I just don't want you all mispronouncing it in your little heads.

REVIEW OR I WILL EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD. (For real. Plus, it would be nice since I gave you an uber long chapter.)

Much loves.


	17. Love, Taru?

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Seventeen:** _L_o**v**e_,_ T**a**r_u_?

**Babblings:** Sorry about the time skip, but it just had to happen unless you wanted this story to run out of plot and end up being like 100 bazillion chapters long. (You get the point.)

So I had a strange run-in yesterday. I was wrapping this lady's present at work and she was watching me which was kinda awkward, but then she started talking about how she hated wrapping and then she suddenly asked me if I had any kids. I sputtered and replied in the negative and she just smiled and said that I have the patience to make a really good mommy. Kinda gave me the chills. Sorry for the digression.

_**POLL:**_ **YES** _or_ **NO** _to me writing another story in this series (about Aurora and/or Rainey)._

WARNING: Erm… Lemon? Haha. With whom? With whom?

Not edited. XD

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Four Years Later**

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Taru," I called as I put my hand on the door handle, "I'm taking Junry out to the park. We'll be back in an hour or so."

At the mention of the word "park," Junry's bright blue eyes lit up immediately and he tugged excitedly on my hand. I laughed and picked him up, pressing him against my hip.

Wataru, upon hearing his name called, met us at the doorway, stopping for a moment to, presumably, take in the sight of us; me in my plaid cargo short and a T-shirt that showed just how skinny I was; Junry in his blue shorts, tiny sandals, and shirt saying, "Daddy's Little Boy." He leaned in and kissed my son on his forehead and eyed me carefully. "You'll be back in time for dinner?"

I nodded, shifting Junry a little on my side. He was heavier than he looked. "We just need to get outside for a little bit. Don't worry about us."

He chuckled and smiled. "I never do." But he did. He knew it; I knew it; neither of us would ever bring it up.

His hand reached out towards me, as though he were about to touch my face, but I just stepped away from him and pulled the door open before his skin could make contact with mine. "See you later." I hated making him sad, but even after nearly five years of living together, sometimes he still just couldn't understand.

"_Bootiful_, Daddy," Junry exclaimed once we were outside in the summer sun, his stubby arms spread wide.

"Yes," I replied, nuzzling my nose against his in an Eskimo kiss, something I had taught him just a few days before.

"Daddy, why did E'kimos not kiss like you and Taru?"

I smiled at him. His personal questions had long since stopped catching me off guard. "Well," I replied, setting him down so he could walk for awhile, holding his hand, "Eskimos live way up north where it's freezing cold." I gave a little shiver for good measure, although it looked out of place in this hot weather. "If they were to give like that, their lips would freeze together."

He glanced up at me, his nose scrunched up into a confused expression. "In't that what happen anyway?"

"Junry," I said, chuckling, "I think we will save this conversation for a few years."

Already, though, he ceased to listen, his four-year-old mind not caring that I wasn't fully explaining something to him. I watched as his eyes followed the route of a butterfly, flittering up and down, wings a wide array of colors and designs. For a short moment, I wondered what it would be like to be his age, not having a care in the world. But the feeling passed quickly as he tugged on my hand to cross the street. The white man chirped cheerily at us as we stepped across the white stripes painted on the black pavement.

We hadn't been to the park since we moved back into the neighborhood – the same neighborhood we'd lived in since we first arrived in the city. I knew it was dangerous territory; Wataru knew it was dangerous territory, living just a few blocks away from the start of all my problems. But it was closer to Wataru's job and a little closer to mine. Besides, Estelle wanted us to be closer to her since she watched Junry fairly frequently.

I felt a strange sense of remembrance wash over me as my sandaled feet tromped on the well-kept, green grass, clutching the hand of my son. I hadn't been here for five years, yet nothing had changed. Junry let go of me and ran over to the playground to frolic in the sand.

"Be careful!" I yelled.

Junry just giggled and threw dirt into the air. I winced, knowing I'd have to fight the little bugger for a bath when we arrived home.

I plopped onto a bench, stretching my arms above my head and digging my feet into the sand, reveling in the feeling of the warm sand between my toes. Parks had always been a place of escape for me. In amongst the trees and the grass and the children, I felt as though I could just let everything go. Even though I knew I should probably keep an eye on Junry, I let myself drift off into a half-sleep-like state.

When I came to again, Junry was just where I left him, digging a hole in the damp sand beneath the slide – but he was chattering to a girl who appeared to be about his age, maybe a little younger. I walked over, kneeling beside them in the chunky sand. "What are you doing, Jun?" I asked.

"Diggin' a whole to da other side of da world," he said, face entirely serious.

"Well, who is your friend?"

He looked up at her, curiously. "Who are you?"

I had to bite back a laugh. He hadn't yet learned how to talk without being blunt.

The girl shook her head, her tight curls bouncing a bit at the movement. "I'm Hiz–"

"Hizumi!" came the shrill voice of who I assumed to be the girl's mother.  
You aren't causing any trouble, are you?"

"Nope," she girl replied, cheerfully as the woman stepped closer.

I could just start to make out her face and for some reason I knew I had seen her before, somewhere. Her hair hung in a long plait down her back, one hand placed on top of her belly, swollen with child. Then I saw her eyes and I realized exactly where I knew her from.

"Nina?" I whispered, surprised.

She looked at me, seemingly confused and not amused. Her eyes glanced over me and at Junry and then she seemed to make the connection somewhere in the back of her mind and her face brightened as if a light bulb had turned on behind her eyes.

"Kira!" she exclaimed.

I stood up, knees protesting a little and stepped a foot toward her. Junry and Hizumi were staring at us like we were crazy, but we were too excited to care. We embraced each other awkwardly, because of her stomach and giggled inanely. "Jun, we'll just be over on a bench, okay?" I told my son and he just waved me off.

Nina and I walked slowly back to the bench where my things were sitting.

"Kira," she started, groaning slightly as she lowered herself onto the metal bench, "where have you been? It's been _years_. We honestly thought you'd died or something or you didn't exist at all in the first place."

"Oh, you know," I said, softly, sitting beside her, a few inches away from her. "I've been around… doing… stuff… I work at the corner grocery store now and Wataru and I live together and… yeah," I finished lamely.

"That's a dumb reason to ignore us four, like, five years," she said, half-teasingly, half-seriously.

"I know. I just…"

"It's okay," she interrupted. "I know why you didn't keep in touch."

"So what happened to you?" I asked, quickly, before the conversation came awkward.

She smiled. "I actually met a guy about four years ago, one that wasn't just a fuck buddy and we got married shortly after and then Hizumi came around and another's on the way," she finished, patting her stomach lovingly.

I couldn't help but wonder what my pregnancy would have been like if I hadn't been wallowing in depression, if Jake was actually still with me and we were still in love…

"Speaking of which," she continued and my breath caught in my throat – the inevitable question was coming. "Who's the kid?"

"He's… um…"

"He looks exactly like a miniature, cuter version of Jake."

Even though it had been so, so long since I had even so much as seen the man who broke me so completely, a pang shot through my heart and I cringed noticeably.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she said, putting a hand over her mouth. "I didn't mean…"

"It's okay," I muttered, clutching a hand at my chest. Every day, Junry grew to look more and more like his biological father. Every day, it pained me just a little more, even though I loved my son more than he could ever know. I would never, ever wish him away. "Would you really like to know? I mean, you'll probably think it's really gross and weird, but…"

"Just tell me," she whispered.

"Junry… he's mine… and Jake's."

"How is that possible?" she breathed, mouth agape. "You are kind of girly, but I saw you…"

"I am male. But due to some glitch in my genes, I'm able to give birth. I found out I was pregnant the same day I caught Jake…"

"Oh." A short pause followed that one simple word. I had no idea what she would do, but I hoped it wouldn't be bad. I think I would be heartbroken if she rejected me. "And Jake has no idea that he has a son." It wasn't a question, so I didn't see the need to answer. "I ran into him the other day when I was out baby shopping. He was completely alone and he looked as though he hadn't slept in days."

_Not my problem_, I wanted to say, but I didn't. Even though I desperately wished to hate his guts forever and ever, I couldn't help but wonder why he was in such a state.

"He moved out shortly after you left. Occasionally he drops by for a visit, but it's never for long. Last I talked to him, he said he was working for some big company, drowning himself in work. His words, not mine."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, quietly.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Sometimes my mouth just gets away from me." She dug around in her purse until she found a piece of paper and a pen. She scribbled something down and handed it to me. "My phone number. _Call me_. I'm not letting you disappear again, Kira. You're worth more than that."

She heaved herself upward and called to her daughter who came scampering toward her mother. "We'll see you around, okay?"

I nodded and graced her with a small smile. "Thanks."

"Later," she stated, waving a hand over her shoulder.

Walking slowly toward Junry, I lowered myself into the sand beside him and started digging. My nails soon became embedded with sand and my scalp felt itchy because of Junry's throwing skills. I pulled him against my chest and ruffled his hair playfully. "_Daddy_," he whined.

"Would you like to learn to shoot a basketball?" I asked him.

He gave me a confused a look, but nodded, always willing to try something new. I gave him a piggyback ride to the court where I pulled out my old and much-used ball out of the duffle bag I'd brought with me. I bounced it on the hard concrete, taking note of the feel of it against my hands. Junry stared up at me, wide-eyed.

I inclined my head toward the hoop – and then shot the ball. It bounced off the rim before dipping into the basket.

Junry clapped his small hands excitedly and then jumped up and down, saying, "Me, me, me." Laughing, I handed him the basketball and lifted him up so he was sitting on my neck. I stood right below the hoop. It took him about fifteen tries to finally get in, but he was determined. They came a little more easily after that first one.

Finally, I realized it was far past the time when I told Wataru we'd be home. I cradled Junry in my arms, because he said he was too tired to walk and made my way back to our small house a few blocks away.

"Jesus," Wataru said when I walked in the door, "what did you do to him?"

Smiling, I said, "I taught him to shoot a basketball."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"No, I don't think you should visit right now. It's a huge mess."

"_Kira, we could _help_ you unpack_."

"It's not very big."

There was an audible sigh from the other end of the line and a muffled conversation in the background. Nothing much changed over the years: I was still their problem child. Then there came the sound of the phone being switched hands and it was my turn to sigh.

My dad's deeper voice filled the speaker of my phone. "_We haven't seen Junry since March_."

"He's about an inch taller, same brown hair, same blue eyes, same talkativeness."

He snorted; really, actually snorted. "_You're a snot, you know that_?"

"So I've heard," I said, passively.

Wataru looked over the table at me from his place at the stove, raising an eyebrow so it disappeared beneath his fringe of bangs.

"We'll visit in August, all right?" I continued. "Just give us some time to move in and everything."

My father agreed and grunted his goodbye before I hung up, massaging my temples to fight off a headache. I placed my head on the table, closing my eyes for some relief. "Don't say anything, Taru," I murmured.

"I wasn't going to," he replied, tersely.

I didn't know exactly what I'd done to get him defensive, but his tone of voice was enough for me to lift my eyes to stare at his back, hunched over a pot of something that smelled extraordinary.

"What?" I inquired, getting up and strolling toward him until we were only inches apart. "What is it?"

"Nothing." He put the hot pan on the table and placed two plates beside it and immediately started eating.

_Not my problem_, I told myself, even though I didn't think that particular statement was true at all. Somehow, I realized, this _was_ my problem, even if he wasn't telling me why. "Taru," I whispered, placing a hand on his. His thoughts were random, some angry, some lustful, some sad (mostly sad), and they all, at the moment, were about me.

I let go; he was glaring at me. "That's none of your business."

"Sorry," I muttered, offering him a tight-lipped smile.

He sighed and pushed away from the table, leaving the steaming, delicious meal behind him. Reluctantly, I gave the food a last glance-over and followed him. We needed to get this sorted out. Now. I hated conflict. In fact, I'd spent the majority of my life avoiding conflict altogether.

I found him sitting on the steps outside, leaning against the metal railing, his shoulders slouched over. Sitting down next to him, I laid my head on his shoulder, unsure of what else to do or how to proceed. I was suddenly extraordinarily thankful that Destin had offered to take Junry tonight. As much as I loved my son, I knew this was something Wataru and I needed to talk about without the distraction of a toddler.

Wataru stiffened under my touch, but made no move to push me away.

"You know," he said after awhile, "it's okay to let people help you. We want to help you. You don't have to do everything on your own, Kira. You need to know that."

I nodded, trying to process what in the world he was trying to tell me.

"Here," he whispered, taking my hand in his own, an invitation. I opened my mind and let his memories and thoughts merge with mine. A couple flashes of memories went by. We were much, much younger then. A short memory of Hikari, their break-up; a pain in my heart. And then the feelings started to come through: his complete and utter love for me in everything I did. Finally, one single thought came to me through him: "It's okay to fall in love a second time."

Suddenly, I found myself blinking back tears. I hadn't cried in years and years and now this one thing makes me break down. The whole encounter couldn't have taken more than a few seconds, but it felt like ages.

"Kir?" Wataru's voice came to me through my haze and I glanced up at him through tear-filled eyes, hastily wiping them away. His face was so close to mine; his masculine scent drifting in through my nose, tingling my senses. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," I muttered, breaking eye contact.

"Kira," he rasped, gently taking my chin in his large hand and making me look at him. "Will you… I mean… Junry's not here. He won't be back until tomorrow. Just… once…"

He was rambling, but I'd have to be a idiot not to realize what he wanted from me. I look one look at his pleading eyes, downturned face, and shaking hands before pulling his face down into a lip lock. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, but when he did, he immediately took control, nipping at my lips, occasionally slipping his tongue into my mouth. He was good, I recalled. I wondered if that's what he was always doing to his pillow late at night: practicing.

It didn't take me very long to be completely turned on. "Inside," I murmured against his lips, brushing away his hand which was currently sneaking up my shirt. If any of our new neighbors happened to step outside, we'd be giving them quite a first greeting.

Wataru nodded, blinking his eyes as though he had forgotten where exactly we were stationed. "Yeah," he agreed and dragged me back into the house. We stumbled until we came to the nearest bedroom and collapsed together onto the only partially made bed, surrounded by boxes on every side. If I hadn't been so distracted, I might have thought this amusing.

His lips claimed mine, while his fingers clamored to unbutton my jeans, setting my skin turned on with his very touch.

This wasn't the first time I'd had sex since giving birth to Junry, but it was the first time I'd been so turned on since back in the day when the only people in my world were Jake and I. And if the way Wataru was ravaging me was anything to go by, I would say the same thing went for him.

I slipped my hands up his shirts, trailing them across his chest while pulling the offending material over his head. I nibbled on his neck, leaving small marks that were sure to be bright red or purple come morning.

Finally, we were both completely naked; our bodies flush against one another. I let out a small gasp when I felt his toned embodiment press against my scrawny one. "Just… get on with it," I breathed, not quite sure of what to say.

He actually managed a full-toothed grin and a nod and got up to quickly rummage through some boxes until he found what he was looking for: lube. I'd gotten a hold of birth control pills ion recent years, thanks to Hinata-san, and although I was still somewhat tentative about not using a condom, I figured that there were worse things than having a kid with my best friend.

Wataru squeezed some of the lube onto his digits and then stuck two into my entrance without much of a warning. I barely hissed, though, used to the intrusion. He wanted this part over and done with as much as I did. His fingers made quick work, and soon enough he was coating himself in some extra lube and stationing himself.

"Ready?" he whispered.

I nodded in agreement, already fighting back a moan.

And then he pushed into me and it was like everything in the world had suddenly been turned right again, at least for the moment. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pushing myself against him, flowing with his rhythm and beat. It was like a dance, the music a creation all our own, and I tried not to think of what might happen when this was all over.

Again and again he thrust into me; again and again I moaned and begged for more. Finally, he started to slow down after what felt like an eternity and I slowed with him.

"Shiiit," he slurred. "Ah… God… I'm…"

When his cum filled my innards, I felt so much better and more whole than I had felt a long, long time. It was not long until I came along with him.

We laid there for a long while after in silence, him holding me tight in his arms. We didn't talk about that had just happened; there wasn't much to say, really.

"Taru," I whispered after a long while, "I hate to break the moment, but I'm really hungry."

He chuckled gently.

. _**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I leaned against the counter in the kitchen, yawning loudly and attempting to ignore the grumbling in my tummy. The dinner which we'd abandoned in place of sex had turned cold and was now being re-heated in the oven. Wataru stood next to me, wearing only a pair of sweatpants, his arms crossed over his chest and an expression on his face that was either angry or just contemplative.

The buzzer rang loudly in my ears, waking me up just the slightest bit.

He said nothing as he served to platefuls of pasta and set them on the table.

I think it was a mixture of angry and contemplative, though for the life of me I could not figure out why. What else did he wish of me?

Abandoning that thought train, I took a bite of the noodles. I think I could hear my taste buds having a little party in my mouth. "Man, this is yummy," I said.

"Estelle gave the recipe to me," he explained. "Thank her."

I stared at him for awhile, assessing his actions before reaching over the table and placing my hand on his. I didn't look into his head; this time it was merely meant to be a comforting gesture and I think he knew that.

"What is it?" I asked, venturing a small smile.

He glanced up at me and I was surprised to see traces of tears in his eyes. "I was just realizing that no matter how much I wish you to, you will never tell me that you love me as more than a brother and more than a friend."

"I just had sex with you," I said, as if that was the answer he was looking for.

"Yes, but you didn't make love to me."

I stood up, walking to his side of the table and gently kissing him on the lips. "I can try," I uttered, pulling back. "To love you, I mean. I really can try. But I can't promise anything."

"I'm okay with that," he said, smiling slightly and yanked me down into his lap.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** Yeah, so I'm not so certain about this chapter. But you finally got to see Nina again, so that's a plus, right? I think she would be really cute pregnant, I mean, really. Anyways, this chapter is for those of you who are fans of Wataru and Kira. Buuuut… guess who will be showing up in the next chapter? Hahaha!

AND ANSWER MY POLL.

(And review. That's always a plus.)


	18. Crash Into Me

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Eighteen:** _Crash_ Into **Me**

**Babblings: **So, including this chapter, I've officially passed the 60,000 word marker for the first time in my writing history. Honestly, I have no idea why this story is so much longer than the rest, and it still has at least a few more thousand words to go, too. Thank you for sticking with me though this.

**THIS IS IMPORTANT:** _Please, in a review, tell me who you would like Kira to end up with and __**WHY**__. I've been getting to many comments about who you guys want him be with and it's hurting my head a little. So, if you want any say in the end result, this is your __**LAST**__ chance to say something._

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"Daddy, I wan' it!" Junry whined from his place in the cart, giving me his best pouty face and clutching at a giant box of Cocoa Puffs.

I'd fallen for it before, but today was not one of those days. The last thing he needed was more sugar than he already had in his daily caloric intake. I was too lenient with him, probably a side effect of feeling guilty about many, many things.

"No, Jun, not today," I said, sternly, taking the box from his hands and putting it back on the shelf.

My son chose that moment to make a scene. As soon as he opened his mouth, I kew that everyone in the near vicinity would be covering their ears in a matter of seconds. "WAAAAAH-!" he started before I quieted him by cupping my hand over his lips. His cry became muffled, but he was still yelling behind my grip.

And then he bit me.

My son fucking _bit me_.

"Junry Jake Uchiha!" I bellowed, not caring who heard. They were all staring anyway, so what did it matter if I made a little extra noise? "Do not bite me!"

"I want," he huffed, glaring at me and grabbing the box from the shelf again.

"If you don't put that back right this second you're going to stand in the corner for a very long time when we get home," I threatened. I had tried many methods with him when he acted up like this and standing in the corner was the only punishment that actually seemed to work with him.

His bottom lip started quivering, a sure sign that he was going to burst out into tears any moment now. Sighing, I once again put the box back on the shelf and suggested, "How about I take you to the park afterward and I teach you some more basketball moves?" That was a good compromise, right? He could have fun and get worn out and I didn't have to deal with him on a sugar high.

"Okay," he said, still frowning, and biting the inside of his thumb.

I knew I probably should have punished him for biting me, but it was the first time he'd ever done that. Next time, he wouldn't get off so easily. "But only if you behave while I finish getting groceries, all right?"

He nodded and I started to push the cart, eager to get away from the cereal.

Every once in awhile, I needed a reminder about how hard it was to be a parent.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Winter was coming again. I could feel it in my bones and in my heart. The air was beginning to bite at my skin, making it dry out like an arid desert plain. This always happened to me at this time of year – and I had bottles of lotion lying around specifically for these late weeks in November when the nipping wind seemed to never cease. There wasn't snow yet, but it was only a matter of time.

I was out shooting baskets at the park by myself, trying to get back up to speed. No one else was around. It was too cold to take children out – even Junry was at home, sleeping. But I had braved the cold. I had to get out. Basketball was my only way of escape.

_Clink. Swish._

The ball hit the rim and bounced in. No problem. My fingers were completely frozen, but it didn't really matter to me at the moment. All that mattered was my endless rhythm.

I suddenly heard a ball bounce on the concrete behind me, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I was only using half the court; whoever it was could just stay on the other side and mind their own business. Again I shot and again I made it. The bouncing stopped. A pair of feet could be heard walking up behind me – and then they halted again. Finally, curiosity got the best of me; I turned.

And stopped dead in my tracks.

My head was screaming at my feet to run, but they were completely frozen in place, unwilling to move. He eyed me, blinking rapidly as if trying to put two and two together. At last, he whispered, "No way."

At last, my brain started working properly again and I began sprinting as fast as my legs could possibly carry me. I found myself eternally thankful that I was finally back in shape again. I ran to the edge of the grass and nearly hopped onto my car. Fumbling with the keys only for a moment, I yanked the door open and slid inside, locking myself in.

"Breathe," I muttered to myself, placing my head upon the steering wheel. My heart was beating so loudly I could hear it thrumming in my ears, loudly and painfully. I silently prayed that when I opened my eyes he wouldn't be there; that he would have realized I had no desire to talk to him, not now, not ever.

There were no tears in my eyes, only a gnawing emptiness in my heart that only he could bring. I should have known better than to think I would never lay my sore eyes on him again, especially when I was living in this neighborhood again; our neighborhood. I wanted to stay there forever, eyes closed, the rest of the world forgotten. I couldn't face this. I wasn't strong enough. I never was.

Finally, I lifted my head, wiping hair away from my face. I looked ahead.

He was still there, standing directly in front of my car, looking about as lost as I felt.

Glaring, I shoved the keys into the admission and shifted the car into drive, my foot still on the brake pedal. I was ready to kill him if I had to, just to be rid of him and all the unbearable pain that went along with seeing him.

"Wait!" he yelled loud enough for me to hear him through the glass and metal of the car. His hands were waving madly, begging me to stop, to listen to him. Well, I didn't want to hear a god damn thing he had to say to me.

I let up on the brake a little, only for a moment, and slid inches closer to him, just to show him that I meant business. I could almost see the thoughts flash through his eyes. Good. Because he had about ten seconds to decide before I ran him over.

But then he did something quite unexpected: he jumped onto the hood of my car and bent so his head was directly in front of me. I was nearly ready to step on the gas anyways when a crystal tear fell from his eyes, splashing on the windshield, and a single thought, as clear as day, entered my mind: '_Wait, please, Kira. I love you_.'

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The first thoughts that entered my head weren't contemplating the words he just said to me. No, my first clear thought was that I had just read his mind without touching him.

Then it hit me: his words. My hands began to shake uncontrollably, so much so that I could barely hold them still enough to unroll the window barely an inch. Cold breeze hit my bare skin but I ignored it. "Get off my car, asshole," I said through the open window, my voice wavering. I couldn't do this. I wasn't strong enough.

He jumped off the hood with the graceful speed I'd always known and stuck his hand inside the small opening in my window. I panicked and began to roll up the window without even thinking. Thankfully, or not so thankfully, I caught myself before crushing his hand between the window and the top of my car.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he asked, withdrawing his hand and examining it for damage.

"I was trying," I muttered, mostly to myself.

"Listen, Kir. Can we just talk?"

"_Don't call me 'Kir'_," I spat out, angrily, getting out of my car and slamming the door behind me. I was trying to comprehend why I was still here talking to him.

My words made him look as though he'd been slapped in the face. If he hadn't been so much of a man, he probably would have started crying.

"And I have absolutely nothing to say to you," I finished.

"What if I have something to say to you?" he inquired, his voice saddened.

"What if I don't care?" I shot back.

I suddenly felt a wave of emotion hit me: love, hurt, pain, adoration, and a million others rolled into one. Once again, it took me a moment to realize what was happening. Jake and I were connecting on some strange mental plain.

"Guess I'll just leave then," he murmured and started walking the other way, shoulders slumped, his heart, as far as I could tell, breaking.

"Wait," I said, my hand shooting out and grabbing his arm. I had no idea what I was doing or why I was doing it. I had no reason to listen to Jake. For some reason, it was hard for me to be an asshole even if he deserved it.

He stiffened and slowly turned back so he was facing me. For the first time since this whole encounter started, I got a really good look at him. His hair was the same color as Junry's (his natural color I'd presume), dark circles appeared under his blue eyes that were still just as bright as ever. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, perhaps years. But there was hope on that beautiful, perfect face of his – a hope I didn't want to acknowledge.

I wrenched my face away from his and withdrew my hand, questioning softly, "Where would you like to go?"

"That bench over there is fine," he stated, nodding toward a bench about thirty feet away.

Silently, we trudged over, ignoring the nipping cold air gnawing on our bare fingertips. And then we sat. He said nothing but that was fine with me. The wonderful quiescence washing over me helped me breathe a little better.

Then he opened his mouth and the first thing he said was not at all subtle.

"Why in the hell did you leave?"

I stared at him in total disbelief. "I cannot believe you really just asked me that."

"What the hell, Kira?" he said back in a loud voice. "We were in love."

And that was all it took for me to break out into a fit of laughter. "Are you serious? Christ, Jake. _I_ was in love. Obviously, _you_ were not. I basically handed you my heart on a silver platter and you tore it apart without even thinking. Or maybe you did think about it. I don't know."

"What are you talking about?"

He was a really good actor, I had to hand it to him. I brought the memory to the front of my mind even though it was painful and I angrily grabbed his hand, shoving the memory forcefully into his mind: him with his tongue stuck more than willingly down another man's throat in the basement of the club.

"Oh," he managed to choke out. Amazingly enough there were tears glistening in his eyes, threatening to roll down those perfect cheeks.

"Yeah," I said, standing up and making to leave. "Have a nice life."

"No, wait. Kira, that was…" The words disappeared from his mouth. Apparently he couldn't even come up with a decent lame excuse.

I started, warningly, "Jake–" and just then my cell phone decided to go off. Looking at the caller ID, I saw that it was Wataru. He never called me when he knew I was playing basketball unless…

Frantically, I flipped the phone open. "Yes?"

"_Kira? Thank God." _Wataru's tenor drifted in through the speakers of the phone._ "Junry's throwing a tantrum because he woke up and you weren't here and I don't know what to do."_

I gulped and glanced at Jake who was staring at me.

"Just… grab the blanket off our bed and give it to him," I said in a quiet tone so that Jake hopefully wouldn't hear me. "That always makes him calm down. I'll be there shortly, okay? I'm just… finishing up."

"_Which blanket? Oh, the… uh… blue one, right_?"

"That's the one."

"_Okay, thank, Kir. I'll see you in a bit. Bye_."

"Bye." I snapped it shut and sighed.

Jake was staring at me as though he was trying to comprehend what had just happened.

"I… really need to go," I said.

"You have a kid," he stated, eyes downcast. "And a lover."

Out of nowhere, I felt ire rising within me at what he had just said. "Do you really think that I wouldn't have moved on? Just because you totally ripped me apart doesn't mean I can't move on. If you think for a moment that I haven't had sex since I left just because I loved you so much, you can think again."

"You have a kid," he said again.

I couldn't look him directly in the face. Instead, I looked at the ground and said once more, "I need to go now."

And then I ran. This time he didn't follow.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

The second I opened the door to our home, I collapsed into Wataru's arms, sobbing quietly. He kissed my forehead and held me tight in his strong arms, unflinchingly. When he leaned back and kissed me on the lips, I melted, my legs no longer supporting me.

He didn't ask any questions, just picked my up and carried me to the bedroom where I collapsed onto the bed. I pulled the covered around me for warmth, not noticing when Wataru left. Several minutes later, I heard soft footsteps on the floor and felt the pressure of a small body being added to the bed. Junry wormed his way into my arms, his tiny body wrapped in a soft blue blanket.

"I missed you, Daddy," he whispered into my ear.

I pulled him close to me, breathing in his young scent, noticing once more how alike he looked to his father. Those vibrant blue eyes gazed up at me, lovingly. I nuzzled my nose in his hair, smiling through the remnants of my tears.

"I love you so much," I said with as much adoration in my voice as I could muster.

A cough interrupted our moment. We both looked up and saw Wataru standing in the doorway.

"Taru, Taru, Taru!" Junry piped up. "Come snuggle!"

Wataru graciously complied.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Nina was looking at me expectantly, as though she was waiting for something important to randomly pop out of my mouth.

"What?" I asked, breaking eye contact and looking toward the other side of the room where Junry was playing Nina's daughter.

She sighed, sounding a bit disappointed, and said, "I heard you ran into Jake."

"You could say that," I consented.

Again, she sighed, and hoisted her newest child further up her shoulder, gently rocking him. I could remember with a pang in my chest when Junry was that young and I got to thinking that I would probably never have another child; that Junry would be raised alone; that I would never get to go through that beautiful first stage in a child's development. I thought about how Destin had already gone through it four times and was expecting another. In so many ways, I was jealous of him when I saw him with Kei, being intimate on a whole different level than Wataru and I could ever be.

"I'm not going to get anything out of you, am I?" she queried.

Rolling my eyes, I explained the brief version: "We ran into each other, we fought, we talked, he found out why I left, Wataru called, Jake discovered that apparently Wataru and I are lovers and that I have a kid. He has no idea whose kid it is and I have no intention of letting him find out."

"I just don't see why you can just get together and talk civilly with one another. It's been five years, Kira."

But, you see, what she didn't and couldn't understand was that it wouldn't matter how much time passed. It could have been twenty years and I would still love him and he would still have hurt me and I would still have his kid.

"Please, meet with him," she pleaded with me. "If for no other reason than to give him closure. He at least deserves that much."

I scoffed. "Oh, come on, you know that he doesn't deserve anything from me."

"Maybe you're right," she mused, "but you're a good person. I know you are. Will you please just do it?"

"He won't believe me if I tell him Junry is his."

"Ok," she said, absently, scribbling something on a stray piece of paper. "So don't tell him."

"He'll want to know."

"I'm not going to tell him."

Her eyes wandered over to our children who were happily creating a castle out of large Legos. "If he ever happened to see Junry for himself, it would be pretty obvious. Junry looks exactly like him."

Again, there was a sharp pain that went through my heart. My hands started shaking and I struggled to keep them still. She handed me a piece of paper with a number on it. "That's his cell number. You can just text it if you don't actually want to talk."

Staring at that off-white sheet of paper, I felt as though I were holding my entire future in my hands. An onrush of memories came to the forefront of my mind and I struggled to keep them at bay, scared to realize that my mental guard had went down so much just at the thought of one man.

Unsteadily, I got to my feet and called to Junry that we were going to be leaving. He looked as though he might start to argue, but something in my expression must have told him that now was not a good time. We said our goodbyes and walked out the door.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I couldn't sleep. The space beside me in the bed was cold because Wataru was sleeping as far away from me as possible. I wasn't sure if that was unintentional or on purpose. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

Sleepily, I got up and searched my sweatshirt pocket for my cell phone and the number Nina had given me.

_Meet me at ten tomorrow morning at the old coffee shop._

That's all I put and I signed it "K.U." I figured if he really cared, he would know what I was talking about.

It took me about ten minutes of staring at the bright screen to finally press "send." When I finally did, I only hoped that I wouldn't regret it. And I wouldn't allow myself to hope for anything at all. Hope never got me anywhere. All it got me was a cold bed.

I crawled back under the covers and snuggled up next to Wataru, gently kissing the arch of his neck and whispering silent apologies over and over again.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** Eh….. I'm not sure what to say to this one exactly. I hope it's not too disappointing and/or horrid. Also, sorry it's not as long as my more recent chapters have been, Please review. Much loves.


	19. Silence

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter _**Nineteen: S**_i_le**n**_c_e

**Babblings: **Thank you so much for your feedback on the last chapter. I know what I'm going to do now.

I apologize: My writing is continuing to slide down the shit-hole. I reread this entire series last night – and I realized that at the beginning of this whole escapade, my writing was _good_. So, while you don't have to worry about me not finishing this story, please bear with me while I try to figure out my writing style again.

_**Fun fact: **_In the original draft of the last chapter (18), I actually had Kira run Jake over. Not so he was dead or anything – just hurt.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I couldn't sleep at all that night. Wataru's body against mine was so cold. He never relaxed; never drew me into his arms.

At eight, I crawled out of bed, quietly, and slipped into the shower, reveling in the feeling of the boiling hot water scorching my skin. I took a washcloth and scrubbed at my skin until it was raw and red, revealing a new layer of skin. No matter how hard I scrubbed, I never could find the real me underneath.

When I got out, Wataru was standing there, looking at me sadly.

"What are you doing?" I asked neutrally, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my thin waist.

"Why do you always do that?" he asked, taking my arm in his strong hand and examining it for the damage I had inflicted.

"Do what?" I questioned, pulling away from him.

"Wash your skin like that."

"Oh," I said, "I don't know why. I just do."

"I thought you didn't have to be at work until noon," he stated, changing the subject.

"What the hell is this, Taru?" I bellowed. "An interrogation? Because I'm not in the mood and I don't deserve that."

He took a step back and lowered his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry. I just worry about you."

At least he was admitting it. I knew he worried about me. He worried about me as if I were a child. As it was, I was nearly twenty-four years old and more than capable of taking care of myself, thank you.

Taking a deep breath, I reached up and pushed a lock of stray hair behind his ear and smiled the sincerest smile I could muster. "I just have to meet someone this morning. I'm not going anywhere, okay? Don't worry about me." I stepped back and pulled some clothes on. He averted his eyes; a red tinge rose to his cheeks.

He would never stop being like a brother to me.

"I'm taking Junry to Estelle's house for the day, okay?" I said as I brushed past him into our bedroom and pulled on the last item of clothing – a scarf the color of a whore's lips. "So you don't have to bother with him today."

Nodding, he kept his lips sealed shut, apparently not having anything more to say to me.

Junry was still asleep in his small twin bed, the sheets tucked around his small body. Although I hated to rouse my little angel, it had to be done. Sitting on the edge of his bed, I extended my hand, gently touching his baby-soft hair. He roused slightly beneath my touch, but failed to fully wake. "Come on, sweetheart," I whispered, kissing him lightly on the forehead.

Sky blue eyes fluttered open, wiping the sleep left from the nightly sand man away with his fists. He blinked at me and then smiled sleepily. "Mornin', Daddy," he muttered before turning back into the warmth of the blankets.

"No, no, no," I said in my best parent voice. "If you don't get out of bed right this instant, I'll grab you by the ankles and drag you around the house, upside down and you'll end up at Auntie Estelle's house with your pajamas still on." I couldn't stop from chuckling at the sight of his eyes growing to the size of dinner plates. He was just too cute. I only had to mention it once and he was out of bed and down the hallway to the bathroom faster than I had ever seen him move.

Fifteen minutes later, I had him dressed and ready to go. He was so adorable in his fluffy winter coat and clutching at his teddy bear, the very one Destin had given him when he was just a handful of days old. The weather today was supposed to be nippy and I'd clothed us accordingly.

In the kitchen, Wataru was stooped over a mug of coffee, glancing absently at the newspaper. "Goodbye," I said softly. "We'll see you later tonight, okay, Taru?"

He nodded and looked up at me, the slightest trace of tears in his eyes. "I'll have dinner ready when you get back. Does pizza sound all right?"

"I love pizza!" Junry piped up, eager to let us know, and we all had to share a smile.

"Pizza it is then!" Wataru exclaimed and swept Junry up into the air. My son squealed in delight. Every little boy loved to fly.

"See ya," I said to my friend when Junry was back on the ground safely. He nodded understandingly and we went out into the nippy autumn air.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Estelle was already more than awake and ready for the day to begin. She had a whole list of activities she and Junry were going to accomplish before the day was out, promising me that he would want to collapse into bed the moment he got home.

It was funny watching the way Junry was fascinated with her clothing, keeping an eye on her skirts as they swayed to and fro with her every movement. She hadn't lost any color in her life during the past five years. If anything, she had brought more in. The house was painted a vibrant pink with blue trimmings, the front yard adorned with various flamingos. Inside, she'd painted each room a difference color, none of which were dull. Even though I hadn't seen him in forever, I'm sure Loki thought his mother was going a little crazy.

As soon as she had Junry settled down with a coloring book, she pulled me aside and gave me a knowing look. "You be careful today, Kira. We don't want you getting hurt."

I didn't know what she was talking about. Hell, I didn't know if even she knew what she was talking about. But it made sense anyways and I took it to heart. I'd built my walls back up a long time ago. Jake wasn't going to get in too easily – if at all.

"Thanks," I said, offering her a small smile. "I'll remember that."

I gave my son one final goodbye and walked out of her house. Glancing at my cell phone, I realized it was only 9:14 and the coffee shop was only a couple blocks away. Pocketing the keys to my car, I decided to walk, giving myself more time to breathe and think and wonder what the fuck I was thinking when I set this arrangement up. Assuming, of course, that he even decided to show.

The route was slow. Pedestrians, children and adults, were still safely inside their houses, sleeping the lazy Sunday morning away, ignoring the sharp wind that tapped against the windows of their homes. That was where I should have been; not on this inane adventure.

When I arrived at the door to the coffee house, I was still fifteen minutes early. Out of curiosity's sake, I glanced though the window to see if by some strange phenomenon he were there already. It was mostly abandoned from what I could see: a young couple ordering at the counter, an old man drinking tea as he read the Sunday morning ads – and then there was Jake, sitting in front of the window, staring blankly ahead, thankfully not at me.

Suddenly exhausted, I bent my knees until my backside was pressed against the cold concrete sidewalk. I let my breath come in slow swallows, readying myself for the moment when I knew I had to face him.

Letting go of my fears in one last _swoosh_ of air, I stood defiantly and swung open the door.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

His hands were covered in the drippings of paint, only barely dry, because they had left smudges on the paper cup holding his life substance, coffee. They were shaking, slightly, but noticeably. If anything, the dark rings under his eyes had worsened since the day before. A dab of blue paint splattered his nose, bringing out the blue of his eyes, the same blue I saw in the eyes of my son every day.

He didn't notice me at first, but when he did it was as though he were waking from a deep sleep. I had to wonder when it was his head had last met with a pillow. He was a mess, that's all there was to it.

"I didn't know you painted," I said casually, dropping into the chair across from him.

His eyebrows rose, confused, for a moment before he realized what I was saying. "I used to, a long time ago, and I started again a couple years back." He glanced at his hands for a moment as if just seeing them and quickly tucked them under the table, embarrassed.

"That's nice," I said, lamely. It was hard talking to him after all these years. Yesterday, it had been okay. I'd still been under the adrenaline rush, but today I was only running off a couple hours of sleep.

After a couple seconds of awkward silence, he said, "You've changed."

"So have you," I shot back at him.

He winced, but proceeded anyway. "You just seem more like a man now. More like an adult …" His voiced trailed off, like there was something else he wanted to mention but couldn't quite get it out.

I excused myself to go order coffee, desperate for a reason to get away for a moment. So many thoughts were brewing inside me head; so many things I needed to say but knew that I couldn't; things I should have told him more than five years ago when we still meant the world to each other.

For several long minutes, I stood at the counter waiting patiently for them to make my espresso. When I finally sat back down again, I was calmer, soothed by the coffee flowing through my system. "Jake," I began, quietly, "I'd just like to know why… you… you know."

He pondered his answer and then whispered, "There isn't a good excuse. It's a bad story."

I had to admire his honesty – and courage – at saying such a thing. He, like me, knew deep down inside that this was his last chance. "I want to hear it anyway."

His gaze wandered to the window, peering out at the slow traffic and the grey sky and the trees with the last of their leaves holding barely clutching to the branches. "I was so lonely without you, when you were gone on those long trips for basketball, when I wouldn't see you for days at a time. That night, I got drunk. Not to the point when I couldn't see straight, but I was definitely more than a little buzzed. That guy, he came on to me, kissing me in the middle of the bar. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good and I missed you so much. I thought if I just closed my eyes, I could imagine it were you. We ended up in the basement and… he wasn't like you at all. I know it's not a good excuse at all… That was the only time, Kira. I swear to God."

"God doesn't mean much to me," I pointed out, dazedly, and took another sip of coffee.

Nodding and looking me square in the eyes, he said, "Doesn't mean much to me, either."

If there were such a thing as God, He'd be staring down at all us humans, laughing at all the pathetically stupid things we do – especially things involving love. Like Jake and I. And Wataru, my best friend, who is impossibly in love with me, a person who can never love him back. I tried, so hard, to love him, but things like love can't simply be wished into being.

I wanted to build my walls back up around me, wanted for him to have no entry into my heart. I wanted him to know that he had broken me so completely – and that he was the only one who could possibly put me back together again.

We sat in silence. The sounds of coffee being brewed and the bell ringing every time someone walked in filled our weary ears, but nothing leaked from our mouths. Neither of us had the slightest idea what to say.

"I know it doesn't mean much," he said, finally filling the silence, "but I want you to know that I really am sorry."

Forgiveness, I realized then, is not my strong point. "I need to go," I whispered through my teeth, unsure of myself. "I need to be at work in a little while." I stood up, pushing away from the small table and from him.

"Kira?" he asked.

"What is it?"

"Can I see you again?"

I stared at him, seeing the glimmer of hope in his eyes, and nodded. "I'll text you." Not waiting for him to say anything else, I rushed out the door, leaving the echo of the bell behind me.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

When I arrived home that night, carrying a sleepy Junry in my arms, I found that Wataru had made true on his promise of pizza. The smell of it met my nose and made my taste buds tingle.

"Hey, Taru," I said, setting Junry on the couch for a quick nap before dinner time. Estelle really had succeeded in exhausting him and I was thankful. It had been a long day for me, even after I left Jake behind.

"Your parents called," he said, setting the table for three. "They want you to come for a visit again."

"They always want us to visit," I replied, rummaging through the cupboard for three clean glasses. In a house full of men, the dishes didn't always manage to get washed regularly. "They don't understand that it takes too long to drive and that Junry gets impatient."

"They said they'd pay for plane tickets," he said, shrugging.

"Why is it that big of a deal?"

"Kira." He took my arm in his hand firmly and made me turn around to look at him. "Katherine is dying."

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Katherine is dying," he repeated, slowly, as if speaking to a child.

Suddenly, I felt light-headed, on the verge of toppling over. Wataru stayed there, though, keeping a firm hand on me and leading me to a chair to sit down. I should have seen it coming. She had lived out a full life, longer than most. But… I still felt as though she were the only one connecting me to my family; like, if she disappeared, the bridge would be gone and I'd be left all alone again. She was the only one who ever truly understood me.

"How long?" I mumbled.

"They say a few days at the most, probably less," he replied, pulling up a chair beside me and wrapping an arm awkwardly around my shoulders. "She had a heart attack earlier today."

"Well, let's go, then," I said, putting my head up and making eye contact with him. "We don't have any time–"

A warm hand was quickly placed over my mouth. "Shhh. Let's eat first and I'll call the airport to see the soonest we can get in, all right? You need to talk to Destin, too. These things take time."

I nodded. I was being irrational. He was right, of course. "Okay."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

At two o'clock that morning, we were standing in line waiting to board the plane. I was numb, barely paying attention to the things going on around me, eyes partially clouded over with tears. Junry was asleep in my arms, completely oblivious to the noise of the loudspeakers and the light – and yet the overall quiet. No one in airports that early wants to talk. They all just curl up with sweatshirts and assorted souvenirs from their journeys, and stare at the people around them or sleepwalk their way into the plane.

Our silence is different than theirs. Ours is of mourning, of lamenting the death of someone dear to us; someone not quite dead, but barely alive. We pray to ourselves that she will still be there when we arrive, that it will not already be too late to say goodbye.

I drifted off into a fitful sleep on the plane, having nightmares about things I could not remember upon waking up.

The plane landed directly into the town where Katherine was being kept. We gathered our luggage and then caught a cab to the hospital. I flipped open my cell phone and stared at the blank screen. Surely, I thought, my parents would have called by now if anything had changed.

No one greeted us as we walked through the revolving doors of the hospital and ran up the broad, winding stairs to the ICU. All was quiet. People in the waiting room were sleeping, curled up in the most awkward positions on the bland carpet. My parents, the twins, Kei and Destin (who had managed to catch the flight before ours), and their small army of children, had a whole corner to themselves. All were sleeping or halfway asleep except for Daddy. His eyes were wide open, staring at us as we walked in.

Junry roused from his sleep for a moment before cuddling back against my chest. Gently, I set him in a chair and covered him with my sweatshirt. He was already sound asleep again within seconds.

My arms were heavy from carrying him and I felt weak to my stomach. Sitting down next to Daddy, I leaned over to give him a sort of awkward hug. We had never particularly gotten along. We didn't hate each other or anything; we simply didn't click. I hoped that one of these days, we would.

"Take a walk with me?" he asked. "I can't sleep."

I eyed him for a moment and then glanced to Wataru. "Will you be okay?" He nodded and settled into a chair.

We walked around the floor, saying nothing, listening to the way our footsteps echoed in the empty hallways. I was content just walking. I had no idea what to say to him anyway.

"Kira," he finally said, his voice sounding strangely loud, "I have something to apologize for."

"What for?" I inquired, taken aback.

He stopped, leaning against the wall, and looking straight at me. "For neglecting you."

"I–" I started, but he held up his hand to make me stop.

"I know you feel that way. You don't have to say it. You have every right to feel that way, because it's… true." The tenor of his voice cracked at the end, like it always did when he was about to break down. "I didn't know what you were doing half the time. I didn't even know you played basketball until Destin called me and told me he saw you on TV and I'm sorry about that." He stopped to breathe before continuing. "I just… want you to know that I really do love you – just as much as your other siblings – and that I'm sorry things turned out like they did. And I want you to know that I don't want you pulling away from us again after Katherine is…"

I pulled him into a hug, cutting him off before he started crying. He was still short enough to fit beneath the crook of my neck. He smelled of hospital cleaning supplies. He was my Daddy and even though he had hardly ever been there for me, I knew that he loved me, even without him saying it.

"Let's go back," I murmured after a few long seconds.

When we arrived back in the waiting area, the twins as well as Destin and his youngest were awake. Rainey and Aurora stood up to give me hugs and I noticed, not for the first time, that they were growing up to be beautiful young adults. Aurora was blossomed a chest in the few months I was away, her long dark hair trailing down her back. Her face was made up, but unlike most teenagers her age, she seemed to know what she was doing. Rainey, on the other hand, was tall, taller than any of the rest of us except Dad, and skinny like the rest of us. His blonde hair was soft-looking and came to rest just below his ears. Beneath the locks of hair, his blue eyes sparkled.

It seemed to me I was not the only person who noticed. Wataru was staring at them, especially Rainey, slightly open-mouthed.

A doctor came out a short while later, his mouth pulled into a straight line. "She's awake," he said, "and coherent for the time being. You may go in two at a time."

Destin and Kei went in first. They were only gone fifteen minutes and when they came back, they were looking grim, but relieved: they'd gotten to say goodbye.

I dragged Wataru back with me, not wanting to face her alone. She looked horrible and pale sitting in that white bed in an entirely white room. She had so many tubes hooked up to her that I had to wonder briefly if we were stuck in some sort of a sci-fi movie.

A weak smile crossed her lips when she saw us. I rushed to her side and grabbed her cold hands, completely covering them with mine.

"Hello," she said.

"Hello, Katherine," I countered. "You don't have to say anything. I don't want you to…"

"It's my time," she whispered. She was right. "I want you to do something for me."

"Anything for you."

"I want you to forgive him," she said, giving my hand the slightest of squeezes. "One day soon, you will realize just how much he means to you."

"But–"

"Forgive him," she repeated and gave me one last smile that was pure Katherine before she closed her eyes and her lifeline when static.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **I know, I know, sadness. I really did love Katherine. I wish my own grandmother was like her. However, I think you can see how it was necessary to the storyline. Also, I apologize to those of you Wataru fans. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do with him, though I'm leaning towards… Well, if you read the last section carefully, I'm sure you'll figure it out. Your thoughts? I love you guys.

Please review and tell me what you think!

What shall I do with Wataru??


	20. The Bridges Between Us

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Twenty:** _The _Bridges **Between** Us

**Babblings: **I've never reached twenty chapters before! This calls for a celebration, I think. Also, I haven't finalized on the Wataru dilemma.

**For clarification:** Rainey is a boy.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Katherine Haruno passed away on October 7, six a.m., two weeks before my twenty-fourth birthday. My eyes were dry, tears long gone, even when we buried her in the cold ground and placed flowers over her coffin. I did not want to remember her like this. I wanted to remember her as the loving grandmother; the wise old woman who knew me better than I even knew myself.

I mourned her passing in silence, closing off my family and all other distractions, and sinking into the meditative peace I'd discovered so long ago.

I, it seemed, was completely lost without her.

When I opened my eyes again, it was as though I were seeing the world from her point of view. I saw my parents open in their weeping, unafraid to show how much she meant to them; I saw Destin, composing in front of a piano, expressing his feelings in the best way he knew how; I saw the few townspeople who knew her well, wearing their hearts on their sleeves; I saw Junry, confused, because he was too young to understand what was going on; I saw the twins, holding each other tight, not saying anything; and I saw Wataru, sitting alone on a park bench, contemplating life, love, and loss.

Then it was gone and I was back to being me, still mourning, but ready to accept that she was gone and wouldn't be coming back. Death was final; the only thing truly separating us from those we love.

Her dying words came back to me: her wish for me to forgive Jake; to give in to my love for him, the love that had not waned at all in the past five years. It wouldn't be easy. I wasn't going to be pushed to him again. He would have to come running. When he did, I would be waiting, not with open arms, but with arms willing to make some changes.

Rainey came to me a week after her death, sitting with me on the couch, watching the rain drizzle outside. "Kira," he said, not looking up at me. "There's something I need to tell you."

I jerked my head towards him, worried. He hardly ever had such a downtrodden look on his face. "What is it?"

"I…" His voice trailed off, unsure of how to continue. His breath rang loudly in my ears. "I like Wataru. I've liked him ever since I hit puberty and knew what a 'penis' was, but I never did anything because I knew you and he were like… you know. And I don't know if you still are… together… or anything… but I just wanted you to know from me before you found of from someone else. Like Aurora. Ever since she started going out with Kokoru, she seems to feel the need to hook me up with someone."

To my dismay, his words didn't surprise me. I had noticed a lot of things in the past week. If Wataru's looks were anything to go by, with some careful nurturing on Rainey's part, they would be a great couple. It was strange seeing him like this. Be was the one with the built-in sense of humor and confidence and wit. I'd never seen him looking so vulnerable.

"We were never really together," I said and paused a moment before adding, "We only pretended to be. We never would have made it."

His blue eyes brightened at my words. "So you'll give me your blessing to try and win him over?"

"You don't need my blessing," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course I don't," he countered. "But I'd like it."

I yanked him into a brotherly hug. "Then you have my blessing."

He pulled back, smiled his most brilliant smile, and bounded away in that awkward teenage kind of way.

I was still lost, but at least I was leading others in the right direction.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

It was still raining the day of our departure. We stood in the airport waiting room with our luggage and our family, saying goodbye. As I was hugging Aurora (who was holding hands with her boyfriend, a tall, handsome young man), out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Rainey and Wataru with their heads close together, whispering things I could not hear. I hadn't yet taken the time to talk to my friend about what had happened with my little brother; for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to ask, and they weren't talking about anything openly yet. Wataru, for the most part, had stayed out of my way during our visit, giving me my space to mourn.

We heard the call for our plane. I grabbed Junry's hand to keep him from running off and we all shared another round of hugs. I couldn't help but think that it would take some getting used to Katherine not being here.

Junry had spent too much time with his cousins over our stay and he had picked up their habit of talking incessantly. I didn't much mind, though. I only postponed my talking with Wataru about what we were going to do from now on. Things had changed; we could both see that.

It was a grey day in Konoha when we arrived. The blustery wind had all but blown every leaf from every branch, leaving them naked to winter's cold tendrils.

When we arrived at the house, I checked my phone for missed calls and new text messages I had failed to answer over the past couple weeks. There was one missed call from work, two from Nina, and one text from Jake. I saved the text for last:

_Theres something I want 2 show U. Im available whenever U R._

Quickly, I shut off the phone and shoved it under my bed, scared at the way my heart was beating so quickly. I could not face that tiger right now, so I chose to take on the elephant in the room instead.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Junry sat in the living room, eyes glued to the television as he watched some strange cartoon. He was so cute, sitting there with his chin in his small hands, legs crossed beneath him. I wanted to say something – to call him to me – but I had other things I needed to attend to.

Wataru was in the kitchen, staring out at the grey sky, sipping on a mug of coffee. Coffee, it seemed, was the only thing holding us together these days: our life-giving sustenance. As soon as I sat down beside him, he wasted no time in saying, "You know, Kira, for over five years now, I was completely monogamous to you?" He didn't look at me as he said this, just continued staring blankly ahead. I didn't look at him, either, afraid I'd see tears in those beautiful eyes of his.

"I know," I whispered and it was completely true, though I'd never thought about it before now. He had never touched another person the entire time he had been living with me, taking care of me, pretending to be the missing father to my son. I never realized how selfish I had been – how selfish I had been my entire life. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said and this time turned to look at me. There were tears shining in his eyes, threatening to fall, but he was also smiling. "I don't regret any of this. I once promised you that I will follow you wherever you go because that's what best friends do, right? We stick together."

"Right," I agreed, nodding my head and making an annoying strand of hair fall into my eyes. When I pushed it out of the way again, Wataru was looking at me differently. "What?" I asked.

He pondered for a moment before replying. "I was just wondering if you were going to do what Katherine said."

I lowered my eyes, suddenly unsure of myself and what was going to become of me. "I don't know. I mean…"

"Kira," he stated, sternly. "_You love him_." The words were accented and separated, as though he was making them pound and sink into my thick skull. "Don't let him slink back so easily, but forgive him. As much as I hate him for doing what he did to you, you guys are obviously made for each other."

"Why do you say that?" I queried, curious.

He eyed me, incredulously. "You still have that dumb sweatshirt of his that you never wash because your afraid his scent will fade. Whenever you look closely at Junry, you get this far-off look in your eyes and I know you're thinking about him. You don't ever allow yourself to fall in love with anyone else – and I think that's because you _can't_ fall in love with anyone else. Those are just a few examples."

I was speechless, amazed that he could see those things in me that I could barely see in myself. Not for the first time, I thought, it would have been easier if I could have fallen in love with Wataru.

Desperate to change the subject, I ventured, "So what's up with you and Rainey?"

"Honestly?"

"Honesty is usually a good thing."

He let out a long sigh and then said, "You shouldn't have encouraged him."

"What?" I asked, completely confused. "Why?"

"Kira, he is eight years younger than me, still nothing but a hormonal teenager. One of these days he will wake up and realize that I am completely wrong for him."

"But," I started, "couldn't you at least try it?"

He was silent a long, long time, breath coming in and out slowly, as he contemplated what to say next. "He looks too much like you."

"Oh," I muttered, suddenly understanding.

Before I could say anything further on the subject, though, Wataru put his hand on my shoulder and said, firmly, with no room for argument, "Go find Jake."

I ran to our room, frantically searching for the phone I had tossed aside such a short while ago. Finding it under the bed, exactly where I had left it, I opened it and texted Jake back:

_Is now a good time?_

Closing my eyes and leaning back against the bed frame, I only had to wait a minute for his reply.

_Meet me at the park. I'll drive. _

Wataru was as I left him, reclining in his chair, as though he hadn't a care in the world. "Will you–" I started.

"I'll take care of Junry. Get out of here." There was a mischievous twinkle in his eyes and I wasn't up for arguing. I left before he could repeat himself.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

It was only late afternoon when I pulled in front of the park, still more than light enough to see. He was waiting for me on the curb, dangling a cigarette from his slender, paint-splattered fingers. "Oh, sorry," he said, snuffing it out upon seeing me. "I wasn't expecting you so soon. I don't usually…"

"It's ok," I said, staring at the pavement and absently kicking at a pebble with my foot. "So what do you drive?" There were only a handful of vehicles around: no one wanted to go to the park on such a drizzly day.

"That," he grinned, pointing to a motorcycle parked innocently about ten feet away from us.

"You aren't serious." My mouth hung open. There was no was I was going to ride that thing, not with him, not with my arms wrapped securely around his waist. It was _not going to happen_.

"I'm always serious," he grinned, stepping up to the beast and handing me a helmet. I could see that there was no getting out of this.

"Of course you are," I muttered, slamming the helmet over my head. "Where are we going?"

"Just outside city limits. You'll see." In other words, long enough to make it hell for me.

He sat down and motioned for me to get behind him. As much as I didn't want to, as much as I was scared to, I sat down and clutched to his waist as he revved the engine. I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing. Being this close to him, pressed up against his back, I could feel his emotions swirling. They were a jumbled mess; he was confused, tortured, agonizing over his love for me, wondering if he was doing the right thing. I struggled to turn off the stream of emotions, but in a few seconds, we were speeding through downtown Konoha and it took all my thinking power simply to keep a hold of him.

My body threatened to break out in shivers as the cold autumn wind whipped around us, cutting off my air supply. I nuzzled my nose against his back just so I could _breathe_. His scent – roses, cinnamon, and paint – drifted into my nose; the same scent that still clung faintly to his sweatshirt, save for the new scent of paint. I vaguely wondered if he was any good at painting, and I wondered what it was he drew on canvas; what he thought about when he escaped. If we weren't speeding down the freeway at a hundred miles an hour, maybe I would have asked.

When we sped into the outskirts of Konoha, the traffic dwindled down until we were all but the only people on the road, a small, lonely dot on the bleak countryside. After awhile, he slowed down and turned onto a gravel road. I had to hold on even tighter so I wouldn't be bounced off. "Where the hell are we going?" I yelled over the sound of the engine and the tires sliding across the gravel.

"Be patient!" he bellowed back. "We're almost there."

True to his word, only a few minutes later, he slowed down and pulled to a stop. When I got off, my legs were shaking, not used to straddling something like that for so long. He laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

"Where are we?" I asked, pulled away from him and taking in my surroundings. All around us were miles and miles of nothing but faded brown-yellow grass and a few scraggly trees.

"It's not too far. Right over that crest," he promised, pointing a finger in the general direction. "We just need to walk for a ways."

We trudged silently, listening to the grass crunch beneath our feet and to the last of the summer crickets beginning their nightly song. When we reached the top of the hill, I gasped, all my words trapped in the back of my throat. Before us stood an ancient wooden train trestle, stretching across a deep valley for miles. Wooden crossbeams hundreds of feet tall held it up. It looked as though it had been there forever; like it was part of the land itself, spouting up plants and giving a home to birds' nests.

"Come on," Jake nudged me, pushing me towards where the train tracks gave way to the trestle bridge.

"You're crazy," I stated. "What if it falls down – or a train decides to cross it?"

He looked at me like I was the crazy one. "It's not gonna fall down. It's been here for a hundred years. And this hasn't been used for actual trains for longer than you or I have been alive. I promise."

Still, I stayed put, feet firmly planted in the ground. It was too high. There were too many things that could go wrong.

Jake stood in front of me for only a few moments, arms crossed, before he turned and ran toward the bridge, yelling back at me, "You don't know what you're missing." That's all it took for me to burst out running after him. If he was going to hurt himself, at least I could say I tried to stop him.

The trestle had railings on one side and I held onto it desperately while trying to catch up to him. Beneath me, I could see the ground, hundreds of feet below, fading as the last of the daylight dwindled. My heart was beating hard in my chest from my run and from being scared to death. Jake was waiting for me about half a mile into the bridge, leaning with his back against the railing, feet dangling into the open air.

"I think you've lost it," I muttered, catching my breath. "_This_," I waved my hand around us, "is crazy."

"Yeah," he agreed, closing his eyes. "I started coming out here when you left. I spent a week camping out here with nothing but a couple of sleeping bags and a package of granola bars." He opened them again and looked up at me. "I can think out here, away from the city, away from my life."

"Let's go back," I said after a moment of awkward quiet, shivering, "at least back to solid ground. It's cold."

He nodded and stood up. We walked back to the grass and the dirt, neither of us sure what to say. By the time we arrived back, it was growing dark outside. I collapsed into the grass, only about two feet from the train tracks, pulling my sweatshirt further around me for warmth. He sat down beside me, a full arm's length between us and pulled off his hoodie, draping it over my arms.

"I'm sorry–" I started, but he cut me off, "Don't worry about it. I'm used to the cold. My apartment is freezing." He smiled and I had to look away to keep from drowning in his eyes.

I looked up at the dark sky, completely void of stars because of the clouds and suddenly I felt like I had to tell him something. I had to get something, if not everything, off my chest. "Jake?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I know who killed your father." It came out as nothing more than a faint breath of air, but I knew that he heard me, because his shoulders stiffened and he winced like I had pained him in some way. "It was Kyuubi," I continued. "He was her last victim."

"How do you know?" he asked after a long silence, his voice stiff with emotion.

"Because she's… she's my grandmother." I turned away from him, because I knew that if there were anything to prevent us from getting back together, it was that.

"Kira," he murmured, softly, moving closer to me and whispering in my ear, "that doesn't matter. I've been without him for twenty-eight years. It doesn't change anything between you and me. I just wish that you'd have told me earlier. That I would have known…" He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his chest. I could see the paint on those fingers as he held onto me. They were so close.

"We should go," I muttered, afraid of going too many places too quickly. He nodded, pulling away from me and helping me to my feet. Even though I was afraid (we were both afraid), I could feel the bridges already starting to build between us, closing the gaps of our hearts.

In many ways, I still didn't want to forgive him, but I couldn't stop what my heart was telling me to do.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

He dropped me off at my car, with the promise that we'd keep in touch. He didn't ask for his sweatshirt back, and I didn't give it up, because it signified my hope for us. The short ride back to my house was spent contemplating the night's events and wondering what to make of them.

When I arrived back at my house, Wataru was fast asleep on the couch, a magazine clutched tightly in his hand. I took the magazine from him and pulled a blanket over him, not wanting him to wake up. Wataru had Junry tucked in bed, sleeping soundly. I crawled into bed beside my son, clothes and all, and fell asleep, dreaming of what was to come.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings:** I think this meeting went a little bit more smoothly, don't you think? I just love them together so much.

Wow! Two chapters in less than a week? I think that means I deserve some reviews, don't you?

Thanks, guys!


	21. Paint Me Blue

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Twenty-One: **Paint Me Blue

**Babblings: **I'm really going to try to finish this story before I go off to college in the fall. I doubt I'll have much time then. Then again, I don't really have much time now. Tee-hee.

Please don't kill me. I debated this chapter for a long, long time. I wrote it, rewrote it, and then rewrote it again. That's why it took me so long to crank out. I hope I made the right decision.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I woke up, enveloped in his warm scent, breathing him in deeply. I had missed that for too long. Afraid to open my eyes, afraid that this was nothing but a dream, I feigned sleep, lying there, unmoving. Finally, my eyes fluttered open and I found myself face to face with an amused-looking Junry. That alone was enough to shake me from my dream-like state and realize that the scent I'd been breathing in was from the Jake's hoodie that I was still wearing.

"How come you don't smile more?" he asked me, bluntly.

"What? Uh…" I was still too asleep to properly comprehend what he was trying to communicate.

"You were smiling in your sleep," he stated. "You're beautiful when you smile."

My brain was in overdrive and I was completely at a loss for words. He sounded so much like his father I nearly burst out in tears. I didn't, though. Instead, I patted him on the head and graced him with another smile. "Thank you, Jun," I said, stretching my arms above my head.

I heard Estelle's ringtone and desperately searched my clothes for my phone. I found it just before it went to voicemail. "Hello?" I answered.

"_Well, good morning, Sunshine_," she replied, cheerfully. "_I have a present over here for you if you want to come over to get it_."

"Huh?" I asked, eloquently.

"_Kira, honey_," she explained, obviously realizing that I wasn't completely awake yet, "_Jake stopped by this morning and left you a little something_."

"Oh. Right. Do you, uh, want me to come over?"

I could almost hear her rolling her eyes over the phone. "_That's what I was getting at_."

Blinking, I glanced at the clock. "I guess I could, um, come get it."

"_Good boy, Kira. So I'll see you in a bit_?"

"Yeah. See you later," I said and hung up the phone. "You want to come with me to see Auntie Estelle?" I asked Junry.

He pounced on me, wrapping his arms around my neck. "Yes!"

Wataru left a note in the kitchen saying he had been called into work and wouldn't be back until later. I poured Junry a bowl of Cheerios, but I was so distracted that I poured too much milk and it overflowed. Junry giggled uncontrollably as I grabbed a dishcloth and I scowled at him, causing him to laugh even more. Then he jabbered all the way to Estelle's house, laughing at his own jokes, and wiggling around in his car seat. I'd have to talk to Destin about letting his kids rub off on my son.

The house was as bright and cheery as ever when we knocked on the door. It took a few moments before we heard footsteps from inside. However, instead of Estelle opening the door as I expected, we were greeted by a face I hadn't seen for many, many years.

"Uh, hello," I said, unsure of myself. Junry clutched to my leg, looking up at me, confused.

He, on the other hand, did not seem fazed at all. He opened the screen door and pulled me into a huge bear hug, ruffling my hair, roughly. "Kira, kiddo, long time no see."

"Loki," I muttered, pulling away from him, and then smiling. It was nice to see an old friend. "How are you?"

A bright grin brought light to his eyes. "I'm great. I just came by to tell mom that me an' Eichi finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and tie the knot."

"Gee, it took you long enough. You've only been together for, what, six years now?" I loved talking to Loki. We hadn't seen each other in forever and it was like we never stopped being friends. He was so laid back.

"Daddy."

Loki stopped, his mouth open, and looked down, noticing Junry for the first time. Shit, I had almost forgotten about him for a moment. My old friend pulled himself together quickly, and knelt down so he was at eye level with my son. "Hello there. What's your name?" he asked, holding out his hand.

"I'm Junry," the little boy replied, proudly, taking Loki's hand in his own.

"That's a good name, kid. How old are you?"

"I'll be five in January," Junry said, without even skipping a beat.

"Oh, is that so?" Loki continued. "Why, you're practically an adult."

Junry grinned a grin that could rival Loki's and glanced at me, looking for my approval. I nodded and he jumped in glee. When Loki stood back up, he had questions in his eyes, many of them, in fact. Anyone who knew Jake knew that Junry was the spitting image of him.

"Let's go inside," I suggested, suddenly desperate to get away, and pushed my way through the door.

Estelle was in the kitchen, baking what appeared to be cookies. A smudge of flour adorned her cheek and a smear of chocolate was spread down her apron. Her hair was up in a bun, strands of it sticking out in every which direction. She was wearing one of her many tie-dyed shirts. Altogether, it was rather comical. "Morning," I said.

She barely looked up, too distracted by her baking. "Go look in the dining room. That's where he left them." Making sure Junry was distracted by the prospect of cookies, I went into the dining room. At first I didn't know what Estelle had been talking about, but then I realized that she never kept bouquets of flowers around the house. Taking a step closer, I noticed a card hidden between stems of daisies and baby's breath. It was a modest arrangement; modest, but… perfect. The card had my name scrawled in his handwriting. Tentatively, I opened the card, my fingers latching beneath the flap. It momentarily took my breath away. On the front, was a hand-painted picture of two hands entwined. The anatomy was completely correct, but it wasn't that that brought tears to my eyes. No, it was the fact that the two hands were so obviously _our_ hands. Mine smaller, a little bit darker, his clutching mine just as I remembered it. He even painted the little mole on the back on my hand. On the inside, he had written, simply: _I'll be here when you're ready. – Jake _

"Nice flowers," said a voice, causing me to jump. I glanced up and found myself face-to-face with Loki. He didn't look angry exactly, but he did look like _he was going to get his information or else_. "Sorry," he said, stepping back. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"S'ok," I mumbled, hastily shoving the card back in its envelope.

"Junry's a nice kid," he ventured, perhaps hoping I would take the bait.

"He's a good kid, yeah" I shot back.

"Whose is he? He looks exactly like–"

"He's mine," I interrupted before Loki could finish the sentence. "There's no one else." Loki of all people wouldn't want to hear the truth. He was too stuck in reality, unaware of the strange things that sometimes happen in the world.

"Is that code for 'It's none of your business?' 'Cause I can shut up if you want me to." His eyes were empty of emotion, but his feelings were so strong and I was close enough to him that I could feel that he was frustrated with me. He was just trying to be a friend to me.

"No, it's just… I–" I stopped, not able to explain myself.

He sighed and slumped his shoulders. "That kid is so obviously Jake's. I was just wondering how he came to having a kid, which is weird because he doesn't even like women, and how you came into possession of the kid without him knowing."

I felt all the blood in my body rush to my face, suddenly furious with him. "Fuck you, Loki. You don't know anything, so don't talk about it like you do."

"So tell me then!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air.

Here was a man I hadn't seen in forever, who I barely knew in the first place, and he expected me to tell him my secret just like that. "Junry is mine," I repeated, tersely. "If you don't believe me, I have the birth certificate to prove it."

"So then who–"

"Loki!" Estelle yelled from the kitchen. "Leave Kira alone! He doesn't have to tell you everything."

He looked into my eyes, nodded, mumbled an apology, before going back to his mother. Again, I scanned the flowers in front of me, the hand-made card, and tried not to cry when Junry walked into the room, munching on a warm cookie. One of his tiny hands held out a cookie to me. I knelt down and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you, Daddy," he said, eyes sparkling.

"I love you, too, Jun."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Shivering slightly, I pulled my winter coat around my shoulders and nuzzled my nose into its warmth. Beneath the coat, I only had a T-shirt and thin jeans, my uniform for work at the grocery store. After so much time off, it had been hard getting back into the groove of working again, but I'd managed. It had been easier now that I didn't have any distractions except for Junry.

I had come home one day last week to Wataru waiting for me in the living room, all of his belongings packed into boxes and bags. He said he was leaving, moving into an apartment a couple blocks away; that he would still be available to babysit if I needed, but that he couldn't live with us anymore. I couldn't say I blamed him, either. So, I just watched as he walked out the door, unable to say anything to him except a small "thank you."

When I saw him again a few days ago, it was like I had my best friend back, almost; like things were six years ago when life was simpler.

It had been three weeks since that night Jake and I went to the trestle bridge and in that time, I hadn't texted, called, or ran into him. He sent me sweet little notes every few days; occasionally they had flowers attached. He was trying to win me back slowly and sweetly. But I had to think about what would be best for me and what would be best for Junry and I wasn't sure what to decide about Jake, so instead I mostly just ignored it altogether.

In my hands, I held a cup of decaf coffee to still my queasy stomach. Its warmth spread down my throat, settling in my stomach, and easing away my nausea. Junry had been feeling ill for the past couple days, his yearly get-sick week, and I found myself hoping I wasn't coming down with whatever he had.

I walked further down, taking a side-street that Estelle told me I needed to take one of these days. I had extra time, so I figured, why not? A few small businesses lined the streets, shoved into tiny little corner and nooks. Across the street, I saw a brightly colored gallery that caught my attention. Careful not to step in front of traffic, I crossed to the other side.

A bell tingled over my head as I walked inside and the warmth welcomed me into its embrace. Paintings lined the walls of the main gallery room; they were mostly medium-sized and full of life, like the artist had taken snapshots of different people's lives and perfectly captured the moment. One, a picture of a small boy, leaning down on a beach, letting his fingers touch the tide, almost looked as though it could have been a photo.

"I'll be right with you!" yelled a cheerful noise from the back room. A second later, a woman, who appeared to be in her later twenties, stepped out, dark hair cropped short, her eyes twinkling in a way that felt so familiar. I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. She took one look at me and then gasped. I looked down. My shirt was fine. Was there something on my face?

"Hello," she said, regaining her composure. "I'm Alia. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Alia. Her name sounded so familiar. And her eyes… "Do I know you?" I blurted out before I realized what she was doing.

She studied me for a moment, quizzically, as if debating something in her head. "No," she finally said, "but I know you." Now it was my turn to stare at her. "I think there's something you should see."

Numbly, I followed her, suddenly completely unsure of myself. She led me to an obscure corner in the back of the gallery and pushed through a door. The room was dimly lit; it took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, but when they did, I found myself in a state of utter disbelief. On the walls were, in no particular order, a jumble of pictures, and not just a few; there were many of them. Each was in color; each displayed artistry that was beautifully unique; but there was one thing that stood out to me the most:

They were all paintings of me.

Every single painting was like I was looking into a mirror and gazing back at myself, imperfections and all.

Tears stung my eyes, but I didn't bother wiping them away. "You're Jake's sister, aren't you?" I asked the woman next to me. "He mentioned you a couple times when we were…"

"Yeah, he found me afterwards," she replied in a calm voice. "He was so lost. I was the one who urged him to start painting again. This gallery was my idea, too." She had an artist's look about her; the way her bangs were pulled back with bobby pins; the way her eyes sparkled. "When he is painting you, he turns into this other person, and he gets this far off look. I don't know if you realize this, Kira – your name's Kira, right? Of course your name's Kira – but he really does love you. I've never even seen you two together, but I can tell. He's still lost and he needs you to help him get back on track. He can only paint pictures of you for so long."

"These are really good," I whispered, tracing my forefinger along the jaw line of one of the pictures.

"I know," she sighed. "He refuses to sell them"

"He remembered everything," I whispered again, this time mostly to myself.

"That's what happens when you love someone."

The bell above the door tinkled, a far away sound in my ears. Alia moved next to me and muttered something I couldn't comprehend, leaving me there by myself with nothing but the pictures for company. Again, I touched a painting, this one with me smiling an awkward smile – did I really look like that? – and found that if I really listened, his feelings, the feelings behind the painting, flowed out to me. He was angry when he drew this one, immensely sorrowful because he knew he couldn't have me. The painting, I think, was supposed to be angry, but instead it came out looking like this: me with a smile.

"She wasn't supposed to show you this." The voice that came to me was detached; didn't cause me to flinch or shy away. The voice sounded just like the ones in my head at that moment and it took me a second to realize that it was coming from an actual human being. My hand dropped limply to my side as I turned, slowly, to face him. He looked better than when we last met; slightly more put together. The color had returned to his cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes all but disappeared, his hair brushed, but he still wasn't smiling.

"I'm glad she did," I said at long last.

"Why?" he asked, his eyes visibly darkening. "It doesn't matter anyway."

I was shocked, confused, completely at a loss for words except, "What?"

"Listen. Kira," he said, angrily. "I know you have a kid and apparently a partner, but you led me to believe that I had a chance with you, however slight. And I have been trying my _damnedest_. Every day I think about you, try to figure out what to do. Do you even realize that? If you don't want me, just tell me now. I mean, it's been nearly a month since you even talked with me at all. Obviously you just don't fucking care."

My insides felt like they had been turned to mush which had suddenly, dreadfully decided to move up my throat. I couldn't breathe. I wasn't going to make it. "Bathroom," I wheezed out.

Realizing that this was no joke, he rushed me out a door and into the back room where I barely made it to the toilet before puking up everything I had ingested that day. I felt Jake staring at my back, standing just outside the bathroom door, unaware of what to do.

"Sorry," I whispered when I was finished, after rinsing my mouth out in the sink.

Eyes looking anywhere but mine, he asked in a small voice, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said. "Junry came down with something. I think I may have caught it, too."

"Junry?" he questioned, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"My… uh… son," I explained.

"Oh."

"Hey, I'm sorry about not getting back to you," I said, smoothly changing the subject. "I'm just… I'm lost. This is all," I waved my hand awkwardly, "very sudden and I… I don't know what to do."

He didn't say anything back, but nodded like he understood what I was talking about, and maybe he did, I don't know.

"I should probably go," I said before the silence had a chance to come over us like it always did.

"Do you want me to, um, walk with you or anything?" he asked, wringing his hands like an embarrassed schoolgirl. "You did just puke. I don't want you fainting or anything."

"I'm fine," I said, already walking toward the front door. "Tell your sister thank you." My hand was on the doorknob now, and as I turned to go, I glanced back at him and smiled a little. "I really did like the notes." Then I walked out the door. The next morning, I found a bundle of flowers on my doorstep and a note that simply said, "Thank you."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Wataru's mother, Hinata, finally moved back to Konoha some months ago and started up her own small, private clinic with a few of her nursing friends a couple miles away from my house. I drove myself and Junry there a day later when Junry's sickness still hadn't gone away. Stepping through the doorway, holding a quivering Junry in my arms, I stepped up to the young secretary Hinata hired and told her we had an appointment. She smiled kindly at me, motioning for us to sit down. "Hinata-san will be right with you."

There was another patient in the waiting room, an old woman with a dripping nose. She eyed us curiously, as if trying to figure us out. Well, tough luck with that one, lady.

A couple minutes later, Hinata stepped out, pulling off a pair of gloves and throwing them in the garbage. "Oh, hello, Kira, Jun," she said, her eyes brightening. "You can come back now."

I stood up, Junry still clinging to me. He was getting heavy being nearly five years of age, getting to old for me to carry him around. But when he looked up at me with those huge baby blues of his, I couldn't help it; I gave in to him every time. Back in the examination room, I set him down on the paper-covered table and sat down next to him in a chair, still holding onto his hand.

"So what seems to be the problem with our dear little Junry here?" Hinata questioned in a calming voice.

"He's had a sore throat and has been slightly nauseous for a few days now," I explained, looking into my son's face to make sure I got it right. He nodded slightly and squeezed my hand tighter.

"Okay, Junry, is it all right if I poke around a little bit?" At his nod, she continued, "I'm going to press around your throat and your tummy and you're going to tell me if it hurts or not." Again, he nodded and she proceeded to touch him. I hated seeing my little boy like this; no parent likes seeing their babies in pain. Then she looked in his mouth to the back of his throat and finished by saying, "I'm going to have to take a test, okay, Jun? It's just going to touch the back of your throat really fast." Bravely, he opened his mouth and braced himself, unprepared when the popsicle stick hit the back of his mouth and started crying. "I hate doing that," Hinata muttered. "I'll be right back."

As soon as she left, Junry clambered down into my arms, tears streaking down his cheeks. It was only a matter of seconds before he fell asleep, exhausted. Hinata came back a few minutes later with a prescription in hand. "He has strep throat. Just keep him on these meds and he'll be right as rain before you know it." I took the paper and clutched it in my hand and made to get up. "Sit for a moment," Hinata said, taking a seat across from me.

"What is it?" I asked.

"How are you doing, Kira? Really. I don't think you've had it easy these last few weeks." She was out of doctor mode now, switching into the role of a mother-slash-psychologist.

"I've been okay," I replied, unsure of myself. "It's just been me and Jun, so I've had to work more to make house payments and such. I don't want to tap much into the money I made when I was in basketball… We'll probably have to get an apartment again or… I don't know."

She appeared generally concerned for me and stepped toward me, wrapping her arms around my slight shoulders. I wasn't looking for pity; she's the one who asked. "Have you been feeling all right?" she asked. "With Junry being sick and all…"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to make a big deal over a few bouts of nausea, but since she was asking…

"Yeah, I've puked a few times in the last couple days. It was only really bad once," I explained. "It's probably not a big deal."

"And your throat hasn't been sore at all?" she queried, a worried look crossing her face.

"No," I assured her, confused.

"Would it be okay with you if I took a blood test?" she asked, taking a few steps back.

"That would be fine. Is there something wrong?"

"No, probably not. But it's easier to find out if something is wrong if we take a blood test." While she prepared the needle, I clutched my sleeping son to me, suddenly feeling like I was the one needing comforting.

After she took the blood and placed a cartoon bandage on my arm, she excused herself from to room to run some tests. It felt like she was gone forever. The second hand of the clock seemed, for whatever reason, to count down the seconds until my doom. It was actually close to half an hour before she came back, her face unreadable.

"Kira?" Her voice sounded far off, detached.

"Yeah," I heard myself answer. In a wave of realization, I knew exactly what it was she was going to say to me before she so much as uttered it.

"You're nearly two months pregnant."

I nodded, dropping my head. Because I knew there was only one person who could possibly be the father of that baby: the man I had pushed aside, the man who had spent years being in love with me, the man I had led around, the man whose mother stood only two feet in front of me.

Wataru.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **Oh God, Oh God. Please, don't kill me. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to work. It'll turn out okay in the end, I promise. (If everyone really, really hates this, I might(?) go back to the way it was before…)

Please review. (Even if it's just to yell at me about this.)

And no, he's not getting back with Wataru. Sorry if I gave you Wataru-lovers extra hope. 

On the plus side, this is a longer chapter. Loves and stuff. 


	22. Empty and Beautiful

**Far **_and_** Away**

_Chapter_ **Twenty-Two: **_Empty_and** Beautiful**

**Babblings: **Everyone! Calm down! I don't deal well with people freaking out on me. I think there is one main thing I need to make clear (again): **Kira is going to end up with Jake**. There. Now. Take a deep breath. _Breathe_. And remember: somewhere in this crazy brain of mine, I really do have a plan.

**To Yuujirou:** I love you, too. XD

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

"_I fucking hate you," I growled, my voice low and threatening. _

_The woman standing across from me, hands on her hips, hadn't changed at all in all these years. But I guess that's the way it is when you're technically immortal. Her hair was still almost violently red, her eyes just as piercing. Her lips were pulled back into the closest thing she had to a smile. "Kira, is that any way to talk to me after all this time? I don't think that's fair." _

"_Fair? _Fair_?" I screeched. "Nothing about this is fair. How could you do this to me? I was finally getting my life back together. I think you do this just for fun, to see just how much you can fuck with one person's life. Well, fuck you, Kyuubi."_

"_I have a newsflash for you," she said calmly. "This is not my fault. You knew that if you weren't careful, this would happen."_

"_I'm a man! Does that mean nothing to you? I'm not supposed to be able to give birth."_

_She was silent for a long time, her eyes searching mine, for something I did not know. Then, quietly, she said, "You wouldn't have Junry." _

"_That's different," I whispered. "You know I love him. But I love his father, too. This… this could mess up absolutely everything. I don't love Wataru, and, yet, I'm carrying his kid. Just when I finally let him go." _

"_If Wataru truly loves you, Kira, then he wants nothing more than for you to be happy. This child will not prevent that from happening."_

"_What do you mean?" I questioned. _

"_It means that he will let you go, too."_

_I didn't entirely understand what she meant, but I knew that she was right. _

My eyes fluttered open. I was completely alone in my large bed. No one was there to hold me and keep me warm. That, more than anything else, brought tears my eyes. And then they weren't just tears anymore. They were sobs that shook my whole body. I felt like a child again, but this time I didn't have my Dad to wipe away my tears and tell me to be strong. This time everything was not going to be all right.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

I ignored the little notes and the flowers from Jake. I didn't even look at them, sure that if I did it would send me into another fit of weeping (because I hated crying more than I hated anything). I didn't talk to Destin or Estelle or call my parents. I didn't make an attempt to talk with Wataru about the fact that I would be popping out his kid. I hired the girl next door to be Junry's babysitter.

I couldn't breathe. Oxygen, it seemed refused to flow into my lungs. It felt as though if I didn't get out of there I was going to suffocate. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with all this shit.

This is what I do when I get depressed, when I get lost, when I don't know what to do: I shut out the world, my friends, my family. It's selfish; it's pathetic; it's so goddamn stupid. But I do it anyway. Why? Because no one fucking understands me. And the only person who ever did is dead, caput. She _is not coming back_.

I kicked a rock, stubbed my toe, and yelled "fuck!" as loud as I could in the middle of the street. Mothers stared wide-eyed and covered their children's ear with their gloved hands. "They'll have to learn it some day!" I want to scream, but I don 't. Because I am a parent and if some crazy person (who wasn't me) did that, I probably would have covered Junry's ears, too.

"Katherine, I need you," I muttered, once again blinking back tears. I want to blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but I don't. This has nothing to do with being pregnant. This has to do with being lost and confused and having absolutely no one to talk to.

_Everyone will be so disappointed with me. _

I can see it on their faces. "Oh, there goes Kira being a complete imbecile again. Why couldn't he have been more like Destin?" Deep inside, I knew that wasn't true. I knew that they loved me in spite of the fact that I'd spent the majority of my life being an idiot. Mostly, I think, I was a bigger disappointment to myself than I was to them.

The little voices inside my head told me that I should have seen this coming. Maybe birth control pills don't actually work. Maybe I shouldn't have slept with my best friend. But there hadn't been any morning sickness. Just those couple days of nausea and then it was gone. I had mistaken my slight weight gain for being normal because most people gain weight this time of year when it's freezing outside and it's easier to sit inside and eat and watch movies. But I really should have seen it coming. Of course I should have. Just when I thought I was getting my life back together something was bound to happen. Like getting pregnant. Nothing in my life was ever easy.

It had been one week since I found out and I still didn't want to believe it. Kyuubi said Wataru would want me to be happy. But there was no easy way around this. "Fuck," I said again, this time muttering it under my breath so no one could hear. I had probably scarred too many kids that day as it was.

Life would be a lot easier if it came with a user's manual. Like, for instance, if it told me how I could have kept the boy I loved in the first place and avoided all this unnecessary shit. That would have been a nice thing to have known.

When I finally stopped walking, I was standing in front of the walkway to Nina's little house. I had made up my mind when I was walking over and I needed her help, badly. I ran the doorbell and waited for a moment before the door opened, revealing a very flushed and happy looking Nina. Upon seeing me, her face darkened. My eyes, it seemed, had once again given me away. "What is it?" she asked, moving aside to let me in.

"I… I need… or… I was wondering if you would do me a favor. You don't have to… but…" I was rambling, so I stopped.

"Anything," she said, pushing me down on her couch and sitting beside me. "You know I'd do anything for you, Kira."

"Well," I looked down, digging my nails into my thighs. "I have to get out of here, Nina. Just for awhile. I need to sort some things out. And…" I was never good at asking favors, especially not favors involving big things.

"Junry is welcome in my house for as long as you need him to stay," she said, finishing my thoughts for me.

"It would just be for a few days and… Thank you."

"Listen to me," she demanded, looking right into my eyes. "You get out of here. Go to the ocean. Have you ever seen the ocean? No, of course you haven't. It's beautiful in the wintertime. Go to the ocean. Stay there. Relax. I don't want to see you for at least five days, do you understand?"

I stared at her, searching her for some sign of a joke. She was being completely serious. "What about work?"

"Tell them that Junry is really sick and that you have no one to take care of him."

"Okay," I mumbled. Suddenly, I was wrapped in her arms, enveloped by her motherly warmness. My hands shook as I held back my tears again.

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" she asked, rubbing her hands across my back in soothing circles.

"I… I'm… I'm pregnant," I stuttered out. It felt as though a weight had been lifted off my chest. Getting it out there in the open made it feel better even though it wasn't.

"Oh, God, Kira." Her hands stopped and she looked at me again, studying my face. "God, I'm sorry. Is it…?"

She didn't have to finish the question for me to know what she was asking. "It's Wataru's. That's why… I just fuck everything up, don't I?"

"No," she assured me, her voice strong. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, do you hear me? You don't fuck anything up." Silence came over us again for a moment before she said, "Bring Junry over here in the morning."

"Thanks," I muttered, standing up. "I'm just… I love you, Nina, you know that right?"

She smiled. "I know. I love you, too."

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

A hundred shades of orange blotted the morning sky as I threw my last item into the back of my car and shut the door. I had been up for hours already, getting Junry ready, driving him to Nina's house. He was excited, barely giving me a hug before going off to bother his newfound friends. My Junry – he was going to be a very independent kid. I wished he needed me as much as I needed him.

I heard a motorcycle drive up and then sputter to a stop. A figure marched up to me, sunglasses covering his face, but I knew who it was without even needing to look. "What are you doing here?" I questioned him, not meanly, just curiously.

"Where are you going?" he asked, completely ignoring my question. A hand with long tapered fingers reached up to pull the glasses off – why did he have to do that? I couldn't look into those eyes without being completely drawn in – and he shook his head, allowing his hair to fall over his face.

"I'm leaving for awhile. I have to get out of here." My words hung in the air between us, making the air constrict in my lungs. That was precisely the reason I needed to leave.

"W-wait," he stammered, and for a moment I was taken aback. Never, in all the time that I had down him, had I seen him so lost and unsure of himself, like at any moment he was going to break down and cry. His blue eyes were so wide, exactly like Junry's when he was about to beg me for something. "Let m-me come with you."

"Are you crazy? You're part of the problem." I didn't raise my voice, because I wasn't angry, just a little frustrated. I tried to ignore the way he was looking at me, the way he was making my heart beat way too fast for its own good. Having him come along wouldn't help me accomplish anything. I need to get away from this place and everyone associated with it. But, it just so happened that no matter how angry I was, he was the only person who ever made me feel any better.

"I know I am," he admitted, his expression changing to something more thoughtful. I had to glance away.

I am an idiot, I thought to myself. Going on a road trip with him would be nothing but huge trouble waiting ahead. But in spite of that, I felt the pull of his stare and his words upon my heart. I wanted more than anything to say no to him, to tell him to go the hell away and never come back, but I didn't. "Fine," I muttered and shooed him to the side.

"What?" he asked.

"Get on your motorcycle. I'll follow. I assume you'll probably need some stuff."

He nodded and ran to that wretched thing he loved to drive. What was I thinking?

His speed slowed as he turned onto the street with his art gallery. It took me a moment realize that his apartment was probably above the gallery, a typical place for a (possibly starving) artist. I figured I would wait in the car for him, but he tapped on my windshield and motioned for me to follow him up. He grappled with his keys, unlocking the door, and led me to a doorway in the back behind which ascended a set of stairs.

"Look around, sit, whatever," Jake said, motioning with his hands to another closed door. "I'll be right in here."

The apartment was small, but it was cozy, perfect for a small family. It had two bedrooms, the one Jake went into and another one that appeared to be unused. The kitchen had a full container of hot cocoa sitting on the counter. For some reason, this place felt like home. I felt like I was back where I was supposed to be. Everywhere I turned, it smelled of him, that lovely smell I had missed so much.

I poked my head into another small room off the kitchen, his paint room. On one easel stood a painting of a little golden-haired boy running through grass, his eyes seeming to glisten in the sun. On another was another picture of me, this time through a window, sipping a cup of coffee, a contented expression on my face. I wanted to touch it so I could see what he was feeling, but I felt like I had invaded his privacy enough, so I shut the door again and sat on his couch, the same old, comfortable one he had in his old apartment, and waited for him to come back out again.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, appearing before me again, a small duffle bag in hand. "I don't have much, but we might have something…"

"No," I interrupted, standing up. "I-I'm fine. Just ate and all. You know…"

"Yeah," he said, and we stood there for a long, awkward moment, staring at each other until I thought I was going to drown in the silence, and the deepness of his eyes.

I coughed. "We should, uh, probably go."

He nodded and looked as though I had brought him back from a far away place.

When we arrived at the bottom of the stairs again, Alia was there behind the counter, doing something with numbers on a calculator. She glanced up at us over her glasses. "What's going on?" she asked.

"Listen, Al, I'm going with Kira for a few days," he explained, quickly, his words almost slurring together. "You can close the gallery for those few days or keep it open. I'm not going to make you work it by yourself. But I have to go…"

A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, as though she were remembering a secret. "Get out of here. I can handle it." Then she went back to her work, ignoring us.

Jake mouthed a silent "thank you" before following me back outside and closing the shop door behind him.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

My car was like a small moving prison. The air was so stagnant, I had to crack open a window, even though it was chilly outside. I felt as though I was suffocating in there with him. The silence was unbearable. We were barely two feet apart, and we had so much to say to each other, but none of it came out. About one-hundred miles down the road, I finally turned on the radio. Soft, jazzy music floated out through the speakers. It seemed to go well with the drizzly weather, but it calmed me so I could hear my heart pounding in my ears any longer.

Some while later, we crossed into a small town (one of those ones where if you blinked you would miss them) and I drove the car into the lone gas station for gas and food. "Do you want something?" I asked him, the first words I had said since we started this journey.

"Yeah," he nodded, a soft strand of hair falling into his eyes. I wanted so badly to reach out a touch it, just like I used to, and tuck it behind those perfect ears of his.

He waited until I tucked the nozzle back into the pump and followed me inside the little store. Inside, all of the aromas of a gas station entered my nose and before I could head back outside I felt bile rise in my throat. "I'll be right back," I said, hurriedly, and ran off to the restroom. I barely had time to close and lock the door before emptying the contents of my stomach into the bowl of the dirty toilet. There is nothing more tacky or disgusting than puking in a gas station restroom. The mere thought of it made me dry heave for a couple more minutes.

I finally regained my composure, my stomach calmed, washed my hands in the sink and rinsed my mouth out with water than was probably contaminated with God knows what. I looked horrid. Jake was waiting outside the bathroom for me, a worried look etched across his face. "Are you okay?" he asked. "It sounded like–"

"I'm fine," I interrupted, brushing past him. "Just didn't realize how bad I needed to go."

Suddenly anxious to get back on the road and out of this place, I got myself a cup of hot cocoa, a package of gum, and a box of saltine crackers because I heard they eased upset stomachs. Jake was behind me, a large cup of coffee in hand and nothing else. When I placed my items on the counter, he put his up there with mine, and said, "I'll pay for it." I would have argued, would have told him that I didn't need his help, but I didn't have the energy to protest.

In the car once more, the silence again overtook us. I just couldn't think of anything to say to him. Whenever I glanced over at him, sitting quietly in the passenger's seat, and caught a glimpse of those blue, blue eyes, it was like all my words disappeared and I was left feeling empty.

I don't know how we did it, remained so quiet for so long. Humans, as a general rule, need noise, we need to talk. But somehow Jake and I managed not to. It was late afternoon before we spoke again. This time it was he who said something: "It was never like this before."

"What?" I asked, the sudden break to our quiet vigil shaking me.

He cleared his throat, dug his nails into the palm of his hand. "We used to talk about everything. What happened? W-why can't we do that anymore?" His voice cracked and I thought for a moment that he was going to cry, but when I looked again, his eyes were dry. It must have been a figment of my imagination.

"A lot happened," I murmured, nervously tapping my hand against the steering wheel. "A lot."

"I know, but what exactly happened?" he questioned again. "Why can't you tell me anything? I know you were throwing up when we stopped for gas, Kira. You can't really disguise that sound. But now you're fine? It just… it doesn't make sense."

"There is so much you don't know about me," I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, surprised by the single tear that insisted on rolling down my cheek and splattering into my lap.

"That's because you never let me." His voice was rising, his abrupt anger and hurt overwhelming. "I told you everything about me. I spilled my heart out to you. I told you about what I had done after I ran away from home, about my exes, about Alia: the things I had never revealed to anyone else. But you never told me anything. You always had your secrets, the things that you kept close to your heart. I never understood why you couldn't just tell me something because I know…" This time when I looked, there were definitely tears glinting in his eyes, but they hadn't yet fallen; he hadn't yet let them go. He clutched at something near his heart, under his shirt in a place I couldn't see. "I know you loved me."

My heart was thumbing so loudly again in my chest that I thought for sure he could hear it. I wanted to scream at him, _You do this to me! I still love you. I love you so fucking much it hurts to see you in pain. It hurts me when I'm not with you, when I see you every day in my child's eyes, the child you fathered. I love you, you big oaf!_

But I didn't say any of that. In fact, I didn't say anything at all for a long time. Then, as the first of the sun dipped below the horizon, I said, voice wavering, "I'm sorry." He turned his eyes away from me and gazed out the window, at the passing plains and mountains and rivers leading into the sea.

I kept driving until long after the sun had set, ignoring the pang of hunger knowing at my insides. The crackers from that morning were long gone since I hadn't stopped for any more food, just gas. I imagined that Jake was about as hungry as I felt. We weren't going to make it to the ocean that night. I'd rather experience my first sight of that great water in the light of day anyway.

"There's a larger town a few miles ahead," I ventured for the first time in a long while. "I was thinking we could get something to eat and then get a hotel or something…"

He nodded, blinking his eyes. "I'd like that."

The lights of a city blinked ahead, welcoming us. When I got inside city limits, I turned off the highway into a part of town that I hope offered food at later hours of the night. I drove a few blocks before parking in front of a small diner tucked in between two larger buildings. It looked promising.

We got out, stretching our limbs, our senses reawakening in the cold night air. Inside the diner it was decorated with chrome and red upholstery and random neon signs. Only a handful of other people sat at various booths and tables. We sat at the counter without even conversing about it: we both headed there automatically. A hefty waitress with a wide smile and an apron that said "HILDA" (I'd never heard such a strange name before) greeted us and handed us menus. We both ordered hamburgers (mine a plain cheeseburger with only lettuce, his a bacon-cheeseburger with everything), milkshakes (mine vanilla, his chocolate), and agreed to share an order of onion rings.

I was thankful for the waitress, who seemed to have nothing better to do except talk to us. She was a bank full of (easy) questions that I was more than willing to answer, because if she left, I knew Jake and I would be left in our silence once again and that was unbearable. When Jake's hand touched mine when reaching for an onion ring, she covered his mouth with her hands, disguising what I knew to be a smile; I could see it in her eyes. I blushed and Jake looked away.

"Do you know of an affordable hotel nearby?" I asked when we were almost done with our meals.

She nodded and started to draw a little map on a napkin. "It's just down the street and then you take a left, here," she pointed at the map, "on Thirteenth Street. Very affordable and very clean."

"Thank you," I said, standing up and handing her enough cash to pay for the meal and a tip. "It's been nice meeting you."

She smiled again, the corners of her mouth nearly meeting her eyes. "You bet, honey. I wish you the best of luck."

We found the hotel without a problem. The clerk at the lobby desk eyed us strangely when we walked in carrying our few bags, like he didn't think we should be getting in so late and distracting him from his crossword puzzle. "You'd like a double, I presume," he said upon taking my identification to put into the computer.

"Yes," I replied, maybe too quickly. I didn't look back at Jake and I only hoped that the strange bamboo plant had enthralled him enough that he hadn't heard. We weren't together, we maybe wouldn't ever be together again, so maybe it didn't matter anyway.

I grabbed the key card he gave me and motioned for Jake to follow me up the stairs. We were on the second floor, all the way at the end of the hallway. There were two beds, a TV, and a separate bathroom. I claimed the bed closest to the bathroom in case I was to have any unfortunate incidents when I woke up in the morning. Jake quietly sat his bag on the opposite bed and then went into the bathroom, a handful of clothes in hand, and closed the door. A few seconds later, I heard the water running, and knew he was taking a shower.

I lay unmoving on my bed until he got out of the shower and then as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom, I was in there, fighting back a sudden onslaught of tears. Stripping down to nothing but my bare skin, I stared at myself in the mirror, at my scrawny limbs, my lank hair, the scar on my lower abdomen, and the slight baby bump I was already starting to form. There was nothing beautiful about this. I thought about the conversation we'd had that afternoon and turned on the shower so he wouldn't hear the sound of my sobs through the door.

For a long time, I stood in the shower, the water almost unbearably hot, crying and scrubbing at my skin with one of the rough washcloths, the same action that used to drive Wataru insane. The skin on my arms and chest and legs turned bright red, but I didn't care.

When I finally stepped out of the bathroom, Jake had turned off all the lights and was already in bed, seemingly asleep. I crawled under the covers of my bed, trying concentrate on how much the sheets weren't soft like my sheets at home and how the pillow wasn't nearly as squishy, instead of how much I wanted to be in the bed next to mine, curled around Jake's strong body.

I couldn't sleep so matter how hard I tried, no matter how exhausted I became. I blinked back tears again, unable to stop them because I was just so tired.

"Kira?" His voice drifted into my ears, the same way it used to all those years ago. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming until he said it again. "Kira?"

"Yeah?" I said, surprised by how tired I sounded.

"Will you –" He stopped like he wasn't sure how to phrase his question. "Come here, okay?"

"What?" I wasn't sure I had heard him correctly.

"Come over here," he repeated. "I know you can't sleep."

He didn't have to tell me again. I was sure I was sleepwalking over to him, imagining this whole thing to be happening when it really wasn't. I wanted to tell myself to stop, that I couldn't do this, but I didn't. As soon as I lit down onto his bed, he pulled me into his arms, pressing me closely against his chest. I was home again, right where I needed to be, right where I had longed to be for all these years. Our bodies still fit perfectly together, like two pieces of a whole, lost but now found again.

And then I was asleep before I could form another thought.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

Before I opened my eyes, I tried not to get my hopes up. Every time I dreamed of this, that I was back safe in his arms, it turned out to be just that: a dream, a dream formed by too many nights of sleeping with his sweatshirts. So I was prepared for this to be just another figment of my imagination. What I wasn't prepared for was for it to be real.

His eyes were still closed, long lashes curtaining his cheeks in a gentle arc. His chest went up and down in the smooth pattern of deep sleep. He was so beautiful. I don't know how I ever walked away from him even though he did what he did. Snuggling closer to him, I decided I was never going to let him go ever again no matter what happened; I was going to figure something out.

It took a few minutes, but he finally started to stir in his sleep, waking up slowly. Watching him come back to life was one of the most wonderful things I had ever seen. When he opened his eyes at last, I felt like I was seeing the world again for the first time.

"Good morning," he mumbled, his body not full awake yet. Then he smiled and that's when I knew that this was for real, because that wasn't just any smile: it was the smile he always saved specially for me, the one that told me he loved me.

"Good morning," I replied, pulling back from him a little. "I hate to break this to you, but we need to be checked out by ten and that's only forty-five minutes from now. Plus, I hear they have a continental breakfast downstairs in the lobby."

As if on cue, his stomach growled, causing both of us to laugh, and just like that, we were able to talk to each other again.

"How far is it to the coast?" I asked the clerk when we had checked out of our room and Jake was stuffing himself with waffles. This morning the clerk was much nicer: she was a woman, younger, about my age, and seemed to be a morning person in general. "Oh, it's just a couple hours," she explained cheerfully. "If you get back on the highway and continue following it west, it'll take you right to the coast. Is there any town in particular you are looking for?"

"No," I said, blushing a little. "We don't really have a plan. This whole thing was rather… spontaneous."

"Oh!" she brightened even more. "Well, I know of this town called Seaside. They have this super nice hotel right on the beach and this time of year you can get it for really cheap. If you're interested, I could book it for you right now." I glanced over to Jake who had been listening in and said, "We'd love that," at his nod. She proceeded to get us reservations and print us off a map in the span of about a minute's time. I thanked her generously and sat down with Jake, digging into a bowl of cereal.

For the remainder of our trip to the ocean, Jake and I talked constantly. We didn't really talk about important things (the things we needed to talk about), but we talked, just like we used to.

Off in the distance to my left, it seemed as though the earth ended, cut off my something I couldn't see yet. "Is that it?" I asked.

"It sure is," Jake assured me.

I started speed driving, wanting to see the ocean that I had heard so much about at last. Finally, I saw it, glistening in the sunlight. "Do you know where we're supposed to turn?"

"About a mile up here," he said, rechecking the map.

I turned, driving into a quaint little town, still bustling with life in spite of the time of year. Then the main street ended and turned into beach. I parked the car, threw off my shoes, and took off, Jake barely having time to catch up with me. "You're crazy!" he yelled after me as I ran into the surf, the cold water nipping at my toes. It was exuberating. Everywhere I looked there was ocean and sand, a beautiful combination, a match made in heaven.

Jake caught up, laughing so hard he was clutching at his sides. "You're like a little kid," he chuckled.

"How do you think I stay looking so young?" I teased. It was then that I noticed something on his neck glittering in the early afternoon. Taking a step forward, I reached up, touching the baby soft skin at the base of his neck. He tensed, but let me touch the chain of his necklace. "May I?" I whispered, afraid of messing up, but also immensely curious. He nodded and I pulled the chain up out of his T-shirt, revealing something I never thought I would see again: the ring, the one he gave me to symbolize our commitment, the one I threw at his head after he had broken my heart.

He had a pained look on his face, like he was expecting me to yell at him. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist in a hug. "You kept it."

"It was only ever supposed to be for you."

It was silent for a few moments, while I contemplated what to do next. "Jake?"

"Yes?"

I stood beneath him, staring up into those blue eyes of his. "I'm ready to tell you something."

His eye brow quirked and he went, "Oh?"

Putting one hand behind his neck, I pulled him closer and said, our mouths only inches apart, "I still love you." And then I sealed it with a kiss, our own secret promise.

_**x-x-x-x-X-x-x-x-x**_

**Babblings: **It's not over yet, people! They still have a lot of issues to get through. Tune in next time for "The Revelation: Kira Reveals All!" Or something like that. They still have the second half of their mini vacation. Now I _have_ to make him end up with Jake! It would be cruel and unusual for him to go back to Wataru, right?

Also? I'm very sorry (or maybe not) that this chapter is so long. (The longest chapter I've ever written to anything). I just kept writing and writing and there just wasn't a very good place to stop until the place that I did and… yeah. It's about 2,500 more words than most of my chapters are. Be happy!

And, as always, review!

P.S. I apologize for any spelling and/or grammatical errors. I haven't edited it yet.


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